Staying Alive
by love.eat.write
Summary: Natalie and Andrew Prior don't die on the abnegation attack. With Erudite over them and an even worst treath, what will they do. Will Natalie finally tell her children the truth? Will Tris be as broken and suicidal as in Insurgent with her parents alive? Rated M for smut and lemmons, but this isn't a lemmonly story, it has a plot. Do not read if before Allegiant. Slightly OOC
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! I'd like to welcome and thanks anyone reading my story!. I'm not a new fanfiction writer, I used to write other stories with other nickname, mainly about Harry Potter, but decided to create a whole new account._

_My name is Vanesa, I'm ARGENTINIAN! That means that my first language IS NOT ENGLISH, BUT SPANISH! This is my first time writing a long fanfics in English, so I'd like to ask for your consideration on grammar mistakes or if I repeat to much a word. I'm really trying to improve my English, constantly working on it and revising the chapter as many times as I can before publishing, but sometimes even that is not enough. Also, I read the books in Spanish and I have them in Spanish, so if some phrases look similar but are not written just like the English version (which I assume is the one you read) is because I translate it on my mind. Before anyone tells me why I write the story in English and not Spanish, here's the reason: it took me a while to decide to write it, and when I was thinking of it, all I could think (the dialogs, the plot) came to my mind in English. I just felt like I had to write this in that language_

_Second, I want to tell you where the plot comes from: as I was reading Insurgent I thought what would have happened if Tris's parents survived. Would Tris have been different, less suicidal? Would Natalie have said anything? So, here's what I think._

_Also, the smut and lemons are not freely written. I do love smut, I believe sex is part of our life and I always loved how Veronica Roth used to write the sexual tension between them, and I just wanted to explore it more. Smut appears in my stories when it must and also as a way of showing how they struggle with their emotions. After all, they are teenagers in a war. I also wanted to explore Tris's intimacy fear, but all of this doesn't mean that there will be lemons in each chapter: on the contrary, there can be several chapters with just a rated K or T._

_Well, apart from that one REALLY important thing about "Staying Alive": some of the chapters are written by Tris POV, but the majorities aren't. They are written by Natalie's, Andrew's and Tobias's, which means that there will be HUGH SPOILERS about what is out of the fence, etc; and , as I assume you have all read everything, I just don't describe all the scenes as Veronica Roth does. It would be boring for me to write and for you to read. I meanly just write what others think of what was happening, or just skip those parts by summarizing them._

_Finally (yes! Sorry for the long speech, but I needed to!): although I read the first book, I just read a part (since Tobias and Tris go through his fear landscape) and all the things I know about other characters or thing that they said is because I read them in other fanfics. Apart from that, I really loved the way the film producers changed some parts (you are allowed to kill me if you want) and mixed them in the first chapters. The characters might be a bit OC, but I just couldn't help myself! . For example, to combine the idea of the Theo James as Tobias (who I ABSOLUTLY love and fight over with my friends for) and the Tobias described in the book, I made him 20 YEARS OLD AND NOT 18._

_Thanks and sorry for all of that!ç_

_Enjoy it _

TRIS

I look as my mom shots one of the man that tried to kill me and all i can think is how i didn't realize it before. Her bravery, her strength.

-mom?- I say, barely aloud.

-Beatrice!- she answers back, her look soft- oh my darling, i was looking at the trains, hoping to see you. I didn't know what i was going to do when i found you, but it was always my intention to save you.

I want to cry, but I know I can't. Not now.

-Where's dad?- is all i ask-

-In the safe house, we head towards them- she answers- your father and Marcus are leading a group there, they are going to Amity for asylum.

I flinch at the mention of Marcus's name. The kind, selfless abnegation leader that I used to look up. Right now, he seems to me the most horrible person on the world: a man that abused his own child, beat him.

Tobias.

His name comes to my mind and I want to scream, cry, save him. I remember his eyes as they took him. What Erudite and Janine where going to do to him was unknown to me, but all i wanted was to save him. His gaze never leaving mine, his eyes looking for mine, trying to save me.

_Not now. _I repeat to myself.

I take a gun from the dead man next to me and we start running, heading towards my father.

Suddenly, a group of Dauntless reaches us and we have to start fighting. I don't want to hurt him: this people were the ones that cheer me after initiation, the ones that shared meals and drinks with me in the cafeteria back at the Pit.

And my heart seams to stop when i see that one of them is Will.

-Hide Beatrice!- my mom yells, covering us behind a wall, but shots continue. Will approaches me.

-Will! Will is me! Tris!- I yell, but he has that lifeless look. He doesn't recognize me.

-Will! - I say again. He walks towards me, lifting up his gun and preparing it.

Without thinking, i shot him. Will's lifeless body falls to the floor. I sob.

_You killed him; you killed your friend, the boy that defended you against all. Christina's boyfriend_.

-Beatrice, let's go!- she says, running pass me, until she realizes that I'm not following her.

-I killed him- my voice is almost a whisper, I can't believe what I did.

My mom's eyes travel from will to me. Her face softens and she hugs me, but I can hardly notice anything. Only three words in my head: I killed him.

-Bea, we will speak about this later, but now we need to move. Let's get to your father's..

We move one a few more blocks until we are surrounded in an open area by cars and soldiers.

-Cover me up- my mom says. "_No, I can't" _I think. I can't lose my mom too.

-No, I'll go, you cover me up- I don't let her answer, just stepping out of our hiding spot.

I start shooting, but in a moment I lose my gun, my mom stepping out and helping me.

We hid again after a few minutes, and just like that a bullet reaches her.

-mom! No!- I scream- are u ok?

-I'm ok, Beatrice- she says in pain. I kneel, looking at her wound. It's on her right side. She seems in extreme pain, but alive.

-we need to get out, she says. Put your arm around me.

I do as she asks, lucky with my left hand, because my right shoulder was shot before and I can't move it well.

We walk a few more blocks until we reach the safe house.

We enter together, and what i see is a bunch of abnegations looking at me with terror. Of course, I'm wearing dauntless clothes.

But then they see my mom and relax.

-Where's my dad?- i ask- where's Andrew prior?

-Beatrice? - a familiar voice says behind me. Dad.

- Andrew!- my mother says, and she runs to his side. He paralyzes when he sees her wound.

-Mom?- a voice says.

- Caleb!- My mom cries. Caleb looks at me, coming to my side.

-you were right, Beatrice. I left as soon as I realized what they were doing!

-Caleb, I need your help!- my dad says. Of course, erudite must know how to help a wound person.

My dad looks at me, and his eyes watering down. The last time my father saw me his eyes had been angry, disappointed. Now they only show relief and love.

-My girl- he whispers, walking to my side, stroking my hair- I'll take that out, he says, pointing to the bullet wound .

-she first- I answer, and he just nods.

My mom's bullet comes out, Caleb and Dad doing an excellent job. It was deep and she lost a lot of blood, but it seems it didn't reach anything important.

My wound is easier, but it hurt like hell when they take it out. I can't work too well with my right hand, so i old the gun with my left.

-Why are they doing this?- My dad asks- why is dauntless attacking abnegation?

-they don't know what's happening; they think it's a simulation. Erudite provided it, the leaders arranged it. We need to stop this; we need to stop the simulation. We need to enter in dauntless.

- We can't- Marcus says, appearing. I have to supreme my urges to hit him, Tobias's simulation too clear on my head. Fucking Monster, I want to scream.- dauntless is a fortress.

My mom laughs. I smile.

- There's a way. I can get us in, but you won't like it.

Caleb, my dad, my mom, Marcus and me lead towards dauntless. The train, jumping off, was hard for them. My mom clearly knows what she's doing, but the wound making it more difficult.

- The net?- she says, and i nod.

-yeah… below this there's a huge net. Don't think, just jump. Be brave- I say, the last sentence stolen from Tobias. And all I can think about is him, how we caught me the first time.

After me, my mom jumps, followed by my dad, Caleb and last Marcus.

We head toward the Pit, when i catch a glimpse of someone.

Peter.

He isn't dizzy or monotonous like the others, but awake and fully aware. I jump behind him, catching him and pointing with my gun. The rest appear behind me

-oh great! So now we don't have one stiff but four stiffs!

I just roll my eyes and punch him. Hard.

-How are u aware?- I ask. Is he a divergent?

- Because I'm smarter than you!- he says- they analyzed my profile and realized I could be more helpful awake than under the serum.

So he knew it. He knew what they were doing to Abnegation and didn't care at all. Piece of shit.

-Tell me how to get to the control room- I demand.

He looks at me with a funny expression and smirks.

-and why would I do that?-

- Because if you don't, I'll shot you- I answer back with a bit of sarcasm.

He laughs. - Yeah, of course, as if you could- he says. Agh, why do people continue to underestimate me? After all, i was first in initiation and my boyfriend is the legendary Four. They could be a bit more considerate that he'd not pick a weak girl.

- Why do people keep saying that?- I answer annoyed and shot him in his shoulder. I can notice my dad and mom flinch a little and hear a slow "Beatrice" coming out from Caleb's lips.

-Ok, Ok! I'll take you with one condition. Take me with you when you go out.

I look at him, trying to see what game he is really playing.

-Why?- I answer

-I can't stay here- he just says.

- Ok- Marcus answers and i turn to look at him.

- He's mine!- I say- This is dauntless, not Abnegation, and I'm the dauntless member.

My father now looks at me with hurt eyes and disappointment all over his face. I imagine he can't believe in who his daughter turned.

- Beatrice, what do you think you are doing? Who gives you the power to shoot him, to speak to Marcus like that?

- The power to save them, Father! Every minute, one abnegation is dying and a dauntless is becoming a killer.

That seems to take him out, and nods. We head towards the control room. Outside it there're guards.

-ok, this is what we'll do. Mom, you can't fight, not like this- she just nods, knowing she'll be more a burden than anything else.- dad, do you know how to shoot?- I ask, expecting him to say no, but surprisingly he nods. I look at my mom who gives me a smile and then back at my dad- good, and Caleb?- he shakes- well, Caleb Marcus you stay here. Dad, Peter and me will go. I'll enter.

-Beatrice, why don't you let me enter? If Janine Matthews is there, I know how to speak to her.

But Janine may not be in there. She may, but there's only one person who can help them work the controls. Well, two, but seeing how much they needed Tobias I can imagine that it's him inside there.

- Father, if who I think is there is who I think, then only I stand a chance of making him understand.

My dad looks at me.

-_Him?_- he asks. Peter looks at me and narrows his eyes, understanding.

- Four- he says- he said he worked in the control rooms, in Intelligence.

I swallow. I just hope that Marcus doesn't know who Four is.

- Who's Four?- Caleb asks.

- Our instructor. – Peter answers, and then smirks at me. Oh, no, don't say it- and her boyfriend. They kissed in front of everyone after initiation.

My family and Marcus look at me, shocked. Back in abnegation even hand holding was not permitted until you officially dated someone, with the parent's permission. Kissing was not allowed until marriage, and public kissing… well, not ever.

The good thing is that Marcus hasn't realized who Four is.

I just sight and walk over the control room, making the guards notice me. They turn to me and I see my father and Peter fighting them along side with me.

Finally, all the guards are down or injured enough to fight and I nod my mom, Caleb and Marcus to appear.

I rush to the door, opening it.

What i see shocks me. The area is divided in to, the light part full of computers and stuff that show Abnegation and Dauntless. On the other side, there's a chair, some computers and a person connected with hundred of wires.

Tobias.

His eyes are nowhere, all independent will taken out of him.

-Four?- I say, quietly- Tobias?- he doesn't answer, doesn't look at me. I rush to his side and start cutting the leashes.

-Hey, it's gonna be fine- I say, more to myself. I finish cutting the on in his right hand- there.

Just after that, he looks at me and grabs my throat.

I try to get out of it, but is impossible. He's much stronger than I am, i know that.

And then, she appears. Janine Matthews. Her eyes are locked on me, and then she looks behind. I do the same, and I see my parents standing there.

- Well, Beatrice, I wasn't expecting you. I suppose_ she_ helped you escape- she says, pointing at my mom- Once dauntless, always dauntless.

The other erudite look at me, but soon they continue with their work.

-you see, we brought him back here to try a new serum. This one, as you can see, works on divergents. It's quite amazing, isn't it? All we think we know of a person, what makes them _them_ just erased by chemicals.

I can't take my eyes out of him. No, it's impossible. Tobias can't be gone, he's strong. He'll fight.

-Stop this, Janine- My father says- you've gone too far. You're killing children, old people, women and men. This people are innocent.

-oh Andre, but it was you who looked forward this. Even in your blood, in your surname you carry it: _Prior._

I can't understand whatthey are talking about but i don't even care. I just care about Tobias.

Janine looks at me.- Oh, right- she says- don't get me wrong, Beatrice, there's a certain beauty in your resistance.

Tobias gets up from the chair, looking at me with empty eyes and i know what she commanded him to do.

Kill me,

An in that moment, I know I am lost.

_Thanks so much! Please leave reviews and follows so I know that you like it! I promise to update at least once a week on Monday or Tuesday, and maybe even more. I have already written 15 chapters so it's up to you!_

_Besos desde Argentina! (Cheers from Argentina!)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello! How are you? Thanks so much for all the reviews ! I recieved 3, although the page just says 1, and to those who were guests and I couldn't replay: thanks for your suggestions!. Please leave reviews so I know what you think of the fic!. Cheers and enjoy it!_

* * *

**Natalie**

I watch as Tobias stares at my daughter with a monotonous gaze and panic. _Not my girl_ is all u can think about.

I realize now how much she's changed. I always knew she wasn't a true abnegation, but then I also wasn't. If they just knew the truth, what being _"Divergent"_ actually means. That it was that your gens had been "cured".

When I learnt about the genetic damage, I believed it. I believed it until I entered here, until I met Andrew and I realized it was just an excuse. An excuse for having an enemy, as it had been white people against black, Russians against Americans.

Yes, I knew about it. I knew about the wars, the killings and the holocaust. People had been killing each other before the GD's, and the closer thing to peace that I have ever been was between this fences, in this city. Yes, the faction system was pretty horrible: breaking families, having to act just as they wanted you because you had to belong to one faction. But the man I loved was here, and at least there was no war, no killing.

Until now.

I never told my children or anyone else, too afraid I'd put them in danger. I had just told Andrew and because I wanted him to know the real me.

It was something like a joke, just not a funny one, than being divergent here was certain death, while being divergent in the real world was the most normal thing. That the majority of the population was divergent, and the ones that weren't were mistreated.

As we try to move to our daughter, two guards catch us, and I think about how sily we were. It was obvious that there had to be security in here.

I try to fight, but I'm out of state and I was shot, making it pretty difficult to move. Andrew is also fighting, but he's never been good at this, his Erudite and Abnegation sides not really letting him. But just then, when we see our daughter fighting Tobias, clearly loosing, it wakes up a fire inside.

They say that the love of a Parent can move mountains, and I truly think so. Give a man a reason and he'll be capable of anything.

After some minutes I take mine down, and then I turn and shoot Andrew's, knows how hard it's for him.

We hear a low sight and turn to look at them, and what I see let's me shocked.

Beatrice is lying on the floor, aiming at herself, and Tobias is just grabbing the gun with her.

-"It's Ok, it's ok, I love you"- she says- "Four, I love you. It's ok, ok. Tobias, I love you"- she continues repeating, almost like a pray.

_NO-_ I can't, this can't be happening. I won't let my daughter die.

When I met Andrew I thought I'd never been able to love anyone else more than him. I had never been a motherly person, not having a good experience with my was until I hold Caleb in my arms, and I knew I'd never love anyone else more than him, until Beatrice was born. I barely know how I could have enough space in my heart for so many people, but I'd kill, lie, betray…. I'd do anything to keep them safe, to save them.

I look at my gun and then at Beatrice and Tobias. I can't let it happen. She can't die. And just then, when I start rising up my gun a little to shoot at him, I hear it.

-"Tris"- it's a whisper, a pledge, a caress. It comes from Tobias's lips. I can hear it for being so close. More guards enter and they catch us from the back, but I don't care. Because she did it, she brought him back.

I watch as he kisses the fingers that she's holding against his lips carefully, and then they turn around, shooting the soldiers behind us, killing them.

And I know that although I should feel bad and selfish for their deaths, all I feel is relief. She did it, she brought him back.

* * *

The four of us together take down the remnant guards and when Janine notices this she starts shouting for everyone to finish the simulation, but they don't: they just run away for their lives.

Janine… the woman that loved my husband. How much she must hate me, thinking that I'm the one that took him away from her. Truth is, I really believe that Andrew would have stayed in Erudite and marry her some day if he hadn't seen when he saw her doing all those year away with that factionless man.

I didn't ruin anything between them, she did it herself. I've always guessed that he also loved her. They had been very close, best friends, and seeing in what she became must really hurt Andrew.

She continues to push all the bottoms, working on the computers when Beatrice approaches her. I watch as the screens with horror as the dauntless guards are just going to shoot everyone. A few of abnegation try to escape just to end up dead, but the majority of them don't. They look scared, hurt, but they still look abnegation: selfless until the end, doing what is commanded.

-"Turn it down"- My daughter says, pointing at Janine with a gun. Suddenly I feel really dizzy and when I look back at my wound I notice it reopened during the fight, blood coming out of it.

Tobias and Andrew are working on the computers, trying to shut the program down. Andrew, being from Erudite, knew how to work with computers and technology, so he chose to work there. That's how he got in contact with Marcus and was promoted to government assistant

-"Tris, I can't end this. Need the code"- Tobias tells her and she turns to Janine.

-"what's it? Tell me!"- I hear her voice lower and further, but I recognize desperation in the voice, and I want to tell her not to show like that towards someone as Janine, but voice can't seem to find its way out. My lashes are too heavy, the world around me further and further.

I can't hear well what they are seeing, but there's screaming and yelling and then, one phrase which calls my attention:

"You're right, I'm Divergent"- I know it came out from Beatrice, and all I wish I could remind her not to say that aloud. Not to recognize what she is, what we are, but the real world seems really away from me.

Hours pass by (or are they just minutes?) but then I feel a familiar touch, a hand behind my back and a soft, manly and loving voice calling for me.

"Natalie, Nat?" - I place that voice: oh, right, Andrew. Then, another one appears, worried and more desperate.

"Mother? Mom? Are you alright?"

At their voices I try to fight the fog in my mind. I can't leave them. Andrew, Beatrice, Caleb. I can't leave my children, I can't leave my husband.

"I'm fine"- I manage to say, and opening my eyes I fix them in Bea and then on the screens. I see guards coming, shivers through my body.

"We must go"- Tobias says. - "I can carry her". Andrew just nods, knowing he's right. He's stronger and can carry me better and faster. Like that we head out of the control room.

* * *

_hope you liked it! I know this was a short chapter, but I felt like I needed to do one by Natalie's POV. Next one will be longer, promised. PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS AND FOLLOWS! I had an incredible amount of readers that I didn't expect, but I'd like to read what you think of this!._

_Cheers,_

_Vanesa._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello! __So, last chapter I received almost o reviews, and I'm really starting to wonder if you like this… please leave reviews! I want to know what you think, if you like where this is heading. Also, I noticed that I made some mistakes in chapter 2 (grammar and that kind) and I'd like to know if you'd like me to rewrite it or not._

_I own nothing; all the characters belong to Veronica Roth as well as the universe. Believe that if I owned them the end would have been completely different._

* * *

TOBIAS

_I almost killed her. My hands were holding a gun on her head. I'm becoming just like Marcus._

Thoughts run through my mind, feelings I cannot place.

_What was I doing? I almost kill the woman that I love…_

Love… just four letters, Four, like my nickname. Four letters which hold a strong power.

Am I sure I love her? And then, how can't I? She was willing to sacrifice herself in order not to kill me, just like in her fear landscape.

I'm not worth it. I don't deserve her. And although I know that, I'm not going to let her go.

Because I'm selfish, I want to be selfish with this, with her.

We are next to each other, so close I can almost feel her arm touching mine, but not doing it at the same time. We don't hold hands or anything, but somehow we feel closer than if we were. Tris's father is staring at me, and I wonder if he knows anything about us. Well, his daughter has just broken the simulation, so I guess he can have a clearly good idea of how much power she has over me. However, I also know that he's looking at me because I'm having his agonizing wife on my hands. She's not nearly as light as Tris, but her weight is nothing for me.

We get out of the control room and that's when I see _him._

_Marcus_

The words "Fear God Alone" written on my bedroom's walls come to my mind. I repeat them all over again in matter of seconds, but that doesn't stop the sensation of walls closing over me, fear running through my body. My worst fear: my FATHER.

Every scare, every slash, every hit I have still mark on my back and under my tattoos; the ones that run inside my mind feel a thousand times harder and more painful.

I look at Tris and she looks back with hurt and apologetic eyes.

_No, this is not your fault- _I want to tell her that everything's alright, I don't blame her for bringing him here (because I know that it was her idea to come here and break the simulation, I just do).

-"Son"- Marcus says, and I almost believe the love that flinches on his eyes for a second. No, this man doesn't love me; he doesn't miss me; he just misses his punching bag, _the_ punching bag I'd been for years.

He starts coming towards me, but Tris gets in the way. Just like she reacted when I was about to throw knives at Al, her bravery comes from her protection side.

"Stay away from him!"- she cries.

-"Beatrice, what are you doing? He's his father!"- Tris's dad says, coming to my side and picking Natalie. - "Caleb, I need your help again."

Tris hasn't leave Marcus's eyes, which look at her with confusion and anger…. Anger, like the one he used to show towards me.

Caleb, who I suppose is Tris's older brother, gets on his knees next to his father and helps him with Natalie.

Tris doesn't leave her side in front of me.

-"Let's just say that not all the things that Erudite says are faked, Father"- she answers to her father's lost question. When he hears her he stops.

- "Press here, Caleb. I think you know what to do better than me"- He leaves Natalie's side and goes to his daughter. Looking at Marcus with questioning eyes, he asks:

-"What is she saying, Marcus?"

_She's saying that my father used to hit me like potatoes, slash me, and treat me like shit. That's what she's saying._

-"she's saying nothing, Andrew!. You know me; it's just children's imagination."

Andrew looks at me and then his daughter.

-"they are not children. Not anymore."

Marcus glances at Tris, his eyes having the murderous look that I know so well. Just like it happened in the simulation, fear is replaced by anger.

HE. WILL. NEVER. TOUCH. HER.

NEVER

Switching places with Tris, It's now me who's facing him.

-"Son"- he repeats, and this time I react.

-"I'm not your son. A father does not do to a son what you did to me."

_I've admitted it. I've said that he abused me._

-"So it's true…"- a weak, low voice says behind me. We all turn round. Natalie's voice.

She's barely wake, Caleb holding her up, a big and bright red stain on her gray Abnegation dress. But her words are like daggers, her eyes lock on Marcus.- "You're a Monster!"- I think I've never seen an abnegation apart from Marcus saying something so cruel.

- "We have to go"- Andrew says, and we nod, remembering where we are. That's when I also see Peter standing there, next to Caleb.

-"What's he doing here?"- I ask Tris, pointing at Peter.

She sighs-" I needed him to get to the Control Room, and he asked to be taken out of here in return."

"why?"

-"He claims he can't stay here if he helps us."

And that's true, he can't. They'd execute him for treason, as they surely will do with us once they find us.

Natalie is better now, her wounds covered, but she's still extremely weak having lost so much blood, so I carry her again.

We run through the Pit when we see dauntless guards approaching us. The simulation is off, so the ones that are fighting us are the ones that chose to. Suddenly, I recognize one.

-"Mia!"- I say

-"Hello Four"- she answers. She aims at me, and I take my gun with one hand while the other holds Natalie tight. She's awake and struggles to get out of my grip so I can fight better.

Mia tries to punch me on my throat. She's smaller than me, and I remember how I taught Tris that doing that could make her win the fight. But Mia is not Tris, and I'm certainly not Peter. I stop her before her fist reaches its target, squeezing it. She screams, and I hit her on the right side of her stomach. She bends in pain, but when her left knee punches my inner tight is my time to bow, pain spreads through my body.

It isn't fair that men have a weak point in their bodies while women don't.

I push her towards the wall, pressing her hands over her head with one of my hand and punch on her face with the other. Blood starts to stream down her face, and I try not to think that I've just hit a girl, and a girl with which I used to share breakfast and lunch sitting next to Zake, Lauren and Shauna.

Mia turns to look at me, blood all over her face but a smirk on it none the less.

-"you had to pick up the stiff, hadn't you, Four?" - She asks something between hurt and funny. Mia and I had dated just one time before, when Zake arranged a double date with her and Summer, her friend. That had been the best double date I had been on, not because I liked Mia (although she was pretty) but because at least I didn't screw it up. We talked and had one or two drinks, and then continue talking to each other for a while. Until she tried to kiss me and I stopped her. I liked her, but I just couldn't be with her.

When I got into dauntless it had just been to run away of my father, to escape from him. After that, initiation became my priority; passing it without calling the attention (which was really hard considering that I was Divergent and ranked number one because I used to let out all the anger that I had held over Marcus on the hand-to-hand combats). After initiation, surviving dauntless and trying to forget about my life… until I reunited with Evelyn, until I planned on being factionless… till she came. I had to stay; I had to be with her. Tris made everything same different, her way of thinking, her intelligence, her wit, her selflessness and her bravery changed my world. So, yes, Mia, I chose the stiff.

I punch her hard on her ribs, her body falling to the floor on agony, and I just turn away. She stays there, unable to move any longer, and crouching at her level I say in her ear.

"Always. I'd always choose her."

Never the less, it breaks me. How much can someone change? How could the innocent, funny and pretty girl I used to talk with change in a murderer?

I turn round, and see that Tris is fighting with two men at the same time. She hits one with her fist in the face and another traps help with his arms. I run towards her, but clearly she doesn't need my help. She kicks him in his inner tight, turning to face him and punching him on his nose after that, and I can't help but smile: I trained her, after all.

Andrew is facing some problems as the man that is attacking him punches him on his ribs, and I help him, running to his side and hitting him in the back. Tris attacks Caleb's opponent. Marcus doesn't seem to have any problems, hitting his extremely well, almost as if he had been dauntless born and I shiver. I have his fits traced all through my body and mind, remembering them by heart. At least that was helpful today. Peter takes down his opponents without inconvenient. I pick Natalie up again, and we start running to the trains.

-"When?" - Tris asks.

-"One minute." - I get better hold of Natalie.

-"Mrs. Prior, you'll need to lift up a bit. When the train appears I'll run and you'll have to hold onto the handle. I'll push you up"- She just nods and rises a bit. In exactly one minute the train appears and we all start running.

Natalie gets hold of the handle, just as I told her, and I push her up. She just enters in the car and I immediately enter as well, without complications.

Natalie rolls towards the car's wall, and after me Peter enters. I help Andrew and then we both lift up Caleb. They immediately go to Natalie's and I can hear them speak softly to her.

The last ones are Marcus and Tris. He holdsmy hand so I can help him as I did with the others.

_Leave him_ a voice inside my mind says. Leave him, and you'll have your revenge for all this years. He'll have to face erudite and Janine. I look at Tris, whose eyes tell me everything: it's my choice.

And I choose.

I chose to lift him up and pull him inside (a bit harshly). Because I don't want (_I can't)_ be like him. I know I'll never deserve Tris, but I have to be the best man possible for her.

Tris is running alongside the car's entrance.

-"I can do it"- she tells me. And I know she can, but I just want to touch her, to feel her. I place my arm around her waist and raise her, putting her as close as me as I can, breathing in her hair.

I haven't lost her, she's still with me.

-"I could do it, you know"- she says, looking at me with a bit of anger. Does she think I picked her up because I don't know how strong she is?

"I know"- I say, and she hugs me, burying her head on the curve of my neck and slightly kissing that spot. I close my eyes in pleasure, when I hear someone clearing his throat right next to me.

We get out of our personal bubble and look at Andrew, who has a murderous gaze fix on me. Natalie is much better, now sitting on the wall, a smile on her face.

-"Sorry, father"- she says, but I know she's no sorry at all.

We sit in front of the wall next to us, and although Andrew is still staring at me, trying to kill me with his eyes, as my hand is still around his little girl's waist, I don't let go of her.

-"So, Tobias, where are we heading? "- Marcus speaks.

"Tobias?" - Peter asks-" is that your real name, Four?"

I growl slightly. Another thing Marcus takes away from me.

"We're heading to Amity. We have a long journey. 3 hours, give or take. And it's Four now, Marcus, not Tobias."- I replay harshly.

Caleb and Tris start speaking of how he escaped from Erudite when he realized that what she told him was true, of how his parents hide him. They hide him, a traitor (because getting away from Abnegation made you a traitor). He went to the faction that their father hated the most, and yet they took him in, they protected him. If only I had had parents like Tris's.

After more or less one hour all of them fall asleep, included Tris. They didn`t sleep much, considering all that happened. I remove my arm from her and leave her resting peacefully on the floor. Her face is relaxed, but not nearly as much as I've seen before all of this started.

I glance her for one last time, heading towards the next train car, carefully opening and closing the door that connects them. I don't want anyone to wake up, especially not Marcus.

As soon as I enter I rest on the door, falling onto the floor, peacefully smelling the wind and the country's essences and smells, which remind me so much of Tris. Silent tears start running through my cheeks. They aren't painful tear, the ones that you let out when you were hurt, but relief ones.

I feel relief that Tris is alive, relief that we could stop the simulation, that we could stop the attack. I'm relieved that I didn't kill her.

Those relief tears turn almost automatically to fear ones. I almost kill her, becoming like him, like the man across that door. I don't think I've ever seen so scared in my life… because I'm scared of myself.

All the pressure of the last hours is washing through me, because I know that when I head back I'll be the strong and fearless Four. But right now I want to be Tobias.

And just like that, I hear footsteps behind me.

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_So… here is chapter 3! I know that it's not really tobias-like to break like I described in this chapter, but while I was writing it I felt like this had to happen. There's only enough amount of pain someone can hold before breaking down, and nearly killing Tris had to have some effect on him. Also, maybe after reading all the books it's just that I can't see Tobias as fearless and strong, but also as loving and broken._

_Thanks for reading it and PLEASE leave reviews! I almost got non last chapter and I really wonder what you think of this story! Reviews are fuel!_

_Vanesa._


	4. Chapter 4

_Sooo here's chapter 4! (sorry, but every time I write or say four I just can't help myself but smile like an idiot! Four hasn't been just a number for me in a long time! Haha). Sorry that I kept you waiting so long for this! The thing is that I was waiting to see if I received more reviews or PM's! This chapter is dedicated to __**thebigdog2895, **__a fanfiction ans Spanish student writer which checks all my chapters before I post them! She has amazing hunger games and divergent fanfictions that I really recommend to read!_

_Also, I'd like to thank __**paigelee1981**__ for leaving a review and following me! And __**divergent1315**__ for following me! Thank guys!_

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**Tobias.**

I wait a few seconds before turning around, just to face Tris looking at me, curiosity and worry in her eyes. I let my eyes fall to the floor, walking pass her, facing the opposite wall so that she can't see my face.

"Turn round," she says, softly but serious.

"No"

"Tobias, it's _me_. You don't have to or need to be strong around me. I'm here," she says, hugging me from my back, her small arms and hands only being able to cover the beginning of my shoulders.

_I'm_ _here_. I thought I'd never see her again. After they put me inside the car and they took her away, I thought I had lost her forever…and then I almost lose her again, by my own hands.

I want to tell her how I feel, but words can't seem to get out of me.

"I… I think I love you, Tris," I finally say, turning round. _Well done Tobias, that was pathetic._

She looks at me with questioning eyes. _Try again, idiot!_

"I was waiting until I was sure… but…"I can't continue… fuck what the hell!? Why can't I just tell her this! Well, I know why: how can I recognize love when I never felt it before? When no one ever loved me? Am I even capable of that?

I'm sweating now.

"You think so? What do you need a map, or to make a list…?" she asks, lingering the last world. I smile. This is Tris: sarcastic and funny. "And then they say girls are the hysterical ones." She mumbles.

"No, I don't need that. I love you, Tris Prior," I say and she smiles widely.

"I know. I love you too Tobias. Thinking that you were gone… I just never want to feel like that again, it was as if a part of me could easily die"."

I take her face in my hands, our forefronts touching each other and then my lips look for hers. Our kiss is desperate, trying to say all the things that we can't.

I love her, and most important thing_: she loves me_. I'd never been loved before. My father hated me, despised me; my mother abandoned me and my faction has never felt like that. She has been the first one to love me, the first one that I let enter. I kiss her harder, with passion, love and lust.

Tris squeezes harder to my body and pushes my shoulders down. I know what she wants. I lean back, sitting on the hard floor, and she immediately climbs up to my legs, my hand grabbing her by the hips, touching the little skin which the t-shirt doesn't cover. She moans and I feel myself getting harder in my pants. I know I should stop, because her parents and my father are in the next door over with her brother and Peter, because there has been an attack to our old faction, and because we are pretty much the most looked for dauntless members at this moment, but I don't want her to stop.

She tries to get closer to me, sitting on my lap. A gasp comes out from her lips as she feels my hardness. My face turns red_. Well, it's not like I can stop that from happening!- I think._

"Eh...I'm sorry," I say, nervously,"I can't help myself."

She looks at me, a devious smile on her face and her eyes shining with that fire I love so much.

"You're sorry… for this?" she says, rocking her hips with mine. I growl. Fuck, it feels so good. "Don't be." She kisses my neck. "I love to see the effects I have on you."

I moan, and she kisses me to stop the sound coming out. I forget about the people in the next car, about the uprising, and even about her intimacy fear. All I want is her.

I kiss her neck, sucking it.

"Tobias," she moans. Our hips start rubbing faster, desperate and she pulls my t-shirt up. I break out of her neck and lift my arms so she can take it off. She has the control; I know that's what she wants. It's how she passes her fears.

Her hands travel down my back and my chest, her eyes tracing every pattern on my body. Shivers run through it, her fingerprints leaving fire everywhere she touches.

"You're _so handsome_, so perfect," she says, and starts kissing my neck, then travels down to my collarbone. Lower and lower she moves, kissing my heart, my chest, and my stomach. I've never thought about myself as handsome. Me? I'm nothing compare to what she is. Her body is made perfectly for her, all small but perfect, everything just the size as it should, everything in her fitting perfectly with me. Beautiful is a small word.

"No, you are," I don't know how but I manage the words to get out of me. I want to switch and rip off her t-shirt, but I don't want to scare her. Her body is now all over the floor, her hands on my tights, and she reaches the part of my stomach just above my hipbone.

My breath is strong and wild, my eyes are shut and I'm shaking by pleasure. I've never felt anything like this.

"Tris…" I warn her. She looks up at me through her eyelashes and smiles. Then, she kisses the bulge over my trousers.

"FUCK!"- I cry aloud and she immediately leaves that, taking my face and kissing me. I wrap my arms around her and lift her up.

"You didn't like that, didn't you? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I didn't know what I was doing…"- I don't let her finish. She speaks with a hurt voice, containing her tears.

Does she think I disliked that?

"On the contrary, Tris. It felt really good."

She looks at me with a big smile, and then leans down, kissing my chest again but this time I don't let her go any further, turning us so that I'm on top. I look at her beautiful stormy blue eyes, shining with fire but also fear. I have taken control now, and I know that's what she's afraid of, but I have to make her feel what she makes me feel, the Abnegation getting out.

I start kissing the skin that her t-shirt doesn't cover. I reach her ravens and place my lips carefully over them. Her hands are in my hair, pulling it a bit, playfully and moaning slightly.

My hands reach for the beginning of her shirt and I start pulling it up.

"Tobias," she says, but I don't let her finish.

"Shh…don't worry, I won't go much further. Just let me play now."

I kiss the skin above her jeans and go up, also raising her shirt while my mouth traces that path. Moans come louder out of her mouth and I put my hand over it, to cover the sound that while certainly wake up my father and her parents, and what she does shocks me.

She takes two of my fingers in her mouth, sucking them up and down.

A part of my brain, the rational one, tells me that this should be gross, not _freaking absolutely hot_. But the bulge in my jeans tightens like hell. I don't kiss her anymore (I can't kiss her). My concentration holds on her mouth over my fingers. Her eyes never leave mine as she works on them, sucking up and down with rhythm. After what feels like hours she lets them go and I kiss her again, desperately, our mouths fighting for dominance. I press myself on her, leaving no space; her breasts press on my chest, my hands touching her covered legs, squeezing them and her hands working on my back now.

"I guess you liked that," she says mockingly after we break the kiss. I just giggle (giggle? Could I even do that?)

"You bet." My voice is husky and it surprises me.

She rubs our hips and we both moan.

"You're so _hard,_" she says, her eyes shut in pleasure, and then her hand travels down my chest until it reaches my belt, her gaze locked on mine. She undoes it, and unzips my trousers. My member jumps out proudly and I sigh in relief. Well, at least for a few seconds, because then she starts touching my erection over my underwear, any rational thought leaving my mind. I kiss her collarbone and the beginning of her breasts with passion, my hands on her bare back and stomach. I know I look like a horny school boy, but that's practically what I am, and I couldn't care less.

My hands on her skin, her moans, my moans, her hands on the most sensitive part of my body.

And just then, in that right moment, we hear someone clearing their throat.

Natalie Prior.

If I ever thought I had been embarrassed, it's because something like this never happened to me before.

Tris's mother has her arms crossed over her stomach, a disapproving and funny look on her face while we are both heavily breathing and our faces red by our recent activities and embarrassment.

"I thought that you may like to know that we are almost 30 minutes away from Amity, and although everyone is still sleeping they'll soon wake up if you don't stop making those noises," she glances at us, "not that you care so much, I can see that."

I look at Tris, and she still has her hand on my crotch, which she removes rapidly. Her face getting even redder if that's even possible.

Not every day your girlfriend's mother finds you shirtless, clearly aroused and with your jeans unzipped over her almost shirtless teenage daughter (who is touching your crotch) and kissing her in an inappropriate way. And mostly, when the woman in question comes from a faction in which even _holding hands_ is consider wrong.

If Tris's father had found us I would certainly be more than dead by now.

Tris stands up, pulling her top down, brushing her hair with her fingers and collecting herself. I turn around so that I'm not facing Natalie and do something that I know will help with my aroused state. After zipping my jeans and fastening up my belt I get up quickly so that my body spreads blood to other parts. Tris handles me my t-shirt and I put it on immediately.

We walk towards the cars connection's door, when Natalie puts a hand on my shoulder.

"To… Four, please wait. I'd like to have a few words with you"- she says. Tris looks at me and then her mother, silently asking me if it's ok or if she should stay and receive the scolding with me. I sigh slightly and nod, if I let Tris go through it her fear of intimacy will be worst than ever and it's not because I want to have sex, but because I don't want her fears to grow, that I let her go.

She gets into the other car, closing the door behind her, and Natalie looks at me.

"Four…" she starts but I stop her.

"You can call me Tobias if you please, that was more just for Marcus, Mrs. Prior."

At my father's name her eyes turn into a hateful look, which softens at me.

"Ok, so please call me Natalie," she says,"So is it true? All true?"

I know what she's talking about. I don't say anything, I don't need to. Her question was more a statement.

She puts her head between her hands.

"I'm so sorry, Tobias."

"Don't be," is all I answer. I don't want them to pity me, to feel sorry for me. That's why I love Tris (between many reasons). Because she hadn't felt sorry, she'd felt angry. She doesn't see me as broken, she sees me as brave. "Don't feel sorry for me. Don't pity me, I don't want or need that."

But that doesn't make me notice that I probably shouldn't have talked to my mother-in-law like that.

"Oh, no, I don't _feel_ sorry, I _am_ sorry," I look at her, confused. "You see, I had my suspicions. I always knew there was something off with Marcus, something he's hiding. I knew it, but could not prove it or find out, so I did nothing. You always missed school and our small social events, being son of our leader you should have been the first one in them, but you'd never go. I imagine that you were too beat up to assist without calling too much attention. You had no friends at all; speaking to no one, and that increased after your mother's death. If I had just looked into it I could have helped you, taken you with us and reported Marcus. We've always been like any other Abnegation family, but we do love our children and could have protected you. Andrew would have accepted, I know he would. But I didn't, and I feel so selfish and ashamed, Tobias."

I swallow, thinking. She noticed it. She knew and did nothing.

But she hadn't been the only one.

Erudite hadn't started their gossips from nowhere. Abnegation thought gossip was selfish, but I knew that when no one was looking or listening, they'd raise up their gazes towards me, the little time that I used to go out of my house. I knew they'd speak about Marcus's son.

I imagine how it could have been raising up with the Priors. I'd have known Tris earlier and in a different version. Would that fire that I love so much run in her eyes in Abnegation? I had seen her before, but she doesn't remember me from Abnegation, but I do remember her. Just that I never noticed her, not really. I just really saw her for the first time when she jumped into the net. No one had seen her before, not for real.

And then it comes to me: yes, I would have. I would have fallen in love with her, because the fire had been there when she was in Abnegation, just covered up by selflessness. Maybe I'd have chosen to stay, not needing to run from Marcus. Would she have chosen it with me?

But those are all "what ifs". And I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think in the past or what could have been, because living in it won't make anything better. I'm alive; we're all alive now and here. In the present, and Tris is my present and my future; but this woman, this strong and wonderful woman is who made Tris who she is.

I look at Natalie.

"It wasn't your fault; you don't have to ask for forgiveness. Many noticed, and no one did anything, but I understand. He's your leader, you don't have to blame you, blame him. I blame him and only him."

But that's not true, I also blame Evelyn. Does she know about my mother? Andrew always seemed like Marcus's right hand; do they know that she didn't die, that she ran away?

Natalie's gaze fixes on mine.

"Do you love Beatrice?" she asks seriously, and I think what to answer.

"She's my life," I finally say, and it's true. Tris is my life, I have no one else. In Dauntless I had friends; Zake, Shauna and Lauren; but I couldn't tell them everything. Natalie nods and fights back some tears.

"Then you have a mother in me, Tobias; and now I have 3 children"- she says, hugging me tenderly for a few seconds. It doesn't feel awkward, it feels safe and somehow like the hugs my mother used to give me when I was a child. She walks to the car's connection door and goes, leaving me speechless.

* * *

_Please don't forget to leave your review! I really wait for them because I want to know what you think! And I noticed there are some readers from my beautiful Argentina and from our neighbors countries, like Brazil! I'M SOO HAPPY ABOUT IT! Please if you are from them could you tell me it on a review or a PM? I'd just like to know it haha. Cheers!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello! sorry that it took me so long, but I do have a good excuse... WORLD CUP HAS STARTED!YEAHHHH! I don't know if you are football (or soccer, whatever you wanna call it) freaks, but I love it, especially this time every four years (four... you see? everything good happens with the number four). Tomorrow Argentina plays for the first time and I'm dying! We already have everything to support our country from here! Lucky bastards those who are in Brazil at this moment! World Cup means that, although Argentina hasn't play these days, I've been watching all the other matches and must say... wow! It seems this will be a different Cup!_

_Anyway, here's chapter 5. I'll try to update next one on Tuesday as I already have it, and pleaaase leave your review so I get to know if you like this! cheers!_

**_Disclaimer: nothing is mine, all belongs to , If Tobias was mine I'd have him kidnapped in my bedroom at this moment (what?! It's kind of chilly in Buenos Aires at this moment!)_**

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**Tris**

"So, exactly, how old are you?" Caleb asks, staring at Tobias who is sitting next to me. We're not touching (the events from minutes before still lingering in or minds), but he could be a thousand kilometers away and my dad would still be mad at him.

"He's 20" Marcus answers looking at his son. Tobias gives him a dirty look, and I can read the expression on his face. He's silently asking Marcus 'who gave you the power to answer for me.' Suddenly my mother walks between them slowly, still very weak from the shot.

"You don't have the right to speak to him." She says coldly. I still haven't asked what they talked about when I left, but something in me says it wasn't about us, but about Marcus; given by the way Tobias's gaze softens at my mother's words. My father goes to my mom's side and puts his hand on her shoulder, comforting her.

"Anyway, aren't you a bit old for my daughter?"He asks, serious and annoyed, but I can see what he's doing: trying to cut the tangible tension between Tobias, Marcus, and Mom.

If so, my father's words seem to make Tobias even more nervous.

"I don't think so, sir. With all your respect, it's only four years and she's really mature. I won't hurt her, sir."

I can't believe my eyes! Is it possible that the indestructible, strong, fierce, almost fearless Dauntless Four is _afraid and nervous_ of my father? An average, middle age, unfit man

My father just nods with his head, but I know him better to realize that he's still not convinced.

"I think we should get off now," my mom says pointing at how close we are to the Amity's farms. We all agree.

The first one jumping off is Peter, followed by me. I land perfectly on the ground and straight up.

No matter how many times I do it, I'll always love the adrenaline rushing to me.

After me, Caleb jumps, landing ungracefully. He is followed by my dad, who is holding my mom tightly, helping her jump; and then Marcus.

Tobias is the last one. He jumps like a wildcat, his black leather dauntless jacket waving and making him stronger and more dangerous. He lands perfectly, crouching and then straightening up. I let everyone pass me, waiting for him.

Like all the times I've watched him doing that, something inside me crawls, wanting to kiss him and touch him. After I'm sure no one is watching, I pull him by his t-shirt, demanding, and crash my lips into his. He immediately opens his mouth, fighting for dominance. But I'm not letting him win this war, whatever happened in that train awaked something in me, something that was hidden and waiting to come ouy.

I press harder and fight for control, and he does exactly the same. His tongue exploring my mouth, his hand on my waist is distracting me, I know I have to do something if I want to win.

Then, and idea pops in my mind. Oh, yeah, that will certainly make him lose, but… can I do it? Everyone is so close to us… and what if I do it bad?

One breath, two breaths. Come on, Tris, You've done that before.

Boldly, I put my hand on his crotch. He opens his eyes in surprise and pushes me away. He looks at me with a stunned expression.

"It's always turned me on seeing you do that," I say, pointing at the now far away train. He just chuckles and shakes his head.

"Who are you and what have you done with Tris Prior?" he asks.

We are walking towards everyone. We missed quite a few minutes with our "game", but carrying my wounded mother and a shot Peter is what makes them really slow.

Guilt strikes me as I realized that I had escaped to my personal bubble with him while we are running away from an uprising and a probable war, that my mother is hurt and could die and that one of my friends died by my own hand.

He notices this and grabs my face, looking though my eyes.

"Hey, I didn't say that to make you feel bad. It's not as if I am complaining at your boldness," he says. Oh, so he thinks I was like that for what he said?

"It's not that…" I start, but he stops me. We've reached the fence, and I think I'll have to talk with him about it later.

There should be dauntless guards here but, of course, they were all in Abnegation or Dauntless quarters. The disk in my pocket, the one that Tobias gave to me which contained all the simulation's data, feels heavier now.

Instead of guards, there are two good looking and happy teenage Amity boys next to it. They look around Tobias's age. They both have long, light brown hair and kind happy green eyes. The one in the right is a bit taller than the other and far more well built, but otherwise they look really similar.

"Hello. welcome to Amity. My name is Ian, and this is my brother, Jason"- The taller boy says- "We understand that you've travelled quite a lot to get here and we are willing to help you accommodate and get better, but first, could you please tell us your names?"- He finishes, and I just want to punch him.

_Yeah! My mom is bleeding out, there's a boy with a bullet wound, all our clothes have blood on them; do you two also want to have tea with cookies before getting medical assistance?_

Marcus steps forward. He's the abnegation leader, so it makes sense that he's the one doing the speech, but I still hate to give him any power.

"Hello, my name is Marcus Eaton, I'm the abnegation leader. These are Andrew and Natalie Prior; they work alongside with me in the government. This is Caleb Prior, their son and an Erudite's initiate; and those are Peter, Beatrice Prior and To…"

"Four."Tobias says. Marcus looks at him briefly and sighs.

"And Four. They're from Dauntless. We'd like to speak with Johanna Reyes."

Ian nods and gives him a smile.

"We have many abnegation refugees here at the moment. None from dauntless, but that doesn't matter. Amity is willing to receive anyone who wishes to maintain the peace. Please, follow us"

We start walking on the yellow path, eyes set on us. Children, women and men are working on the fields, and I vaguely remember when I came here with my mom as a child to help them with the harvest. I remember how peaceful, quite and happy I had felt. Those memories seem like a lifetime now, and literally they could be.

Those memories belong to the abnegated Beatrice Prior, not to the dauntless Tris.

Their eyes are fixed on us, specially Tobias, Peter and me. With our black clothes and tattoos we call too much attention.

_"__And they haven't seen Tobias's full tattoo back"_ I think to myself. Well, but something tells me that no one has ever seen it, not even his friends or anyone. Just me

When we reach the door, Johanna Reyes appears. Even if I hadn't known who she was, I'd recognize her. She's the Amity leader and is easily spot because of the huge scar running through her face, making her blind one eye. Apart from the scar, she has beautiful dark hair. She'd have been a good looking woman if it hadn't been for it.

"Hello, welcome to Amity, my name's Johanna Reyes" She says, and then her eyes focus on Marcus and my parents "Oh Marcus! Thanks god."! She says with relief "The other group came here and hour ago, but I didn't know if you could make it" her eyes go up and down my mother, who is leaning on my father, almost carrying her" Natalie! What happened?" she asks.

"Dauntless guards. It was not their fault; they didn't know what they were doing. At least not the majority." Mom replays. Of course, she wouldn't want anyone hating dauntless now that her daughter is one. While she was speaking I notice how weak her voice is, how miracle that she's still standing on her own is.

"Johanna, she needs medical attention. _Now_" I say, demanding and forgetting to be nice. Johanna frowns her lips.

"Of course, but please, I'll have to ask you if you could leave your guns and weapons in this box. We do not allow weapons in Amity."

Peter struggles but he puts his gun there. Tobias does the same, but when I'm about to reach my gun on the back he grabs my arm and puts his own around my waist to cover his move, but I know too well what he is trying to say. Don't give it to them. And I'm glad, because now that we've calm down I can't seem to coordinate too well to reach it, remembering how I killed Will with that same weapon.

Will. My friend. Christina's boyfriend.

Thinking about him makes everything come back and I tense. Tobias must notice this because he puts his mouth on my ear and whispers "hey". He touches my cheek and joins our foreheads

When I look up again I see that my father is looking at us with a disappointment but also… happy face? Could my dad be just a little bit happy that I've found a person to love? Even if that man is four years older than me and a bit intimidating? Marcus and Johanna continue talking, but I haven't heard a word of what they said.

"Let us take care of you". She finally says, and we let them

They head us towards infirmary where the first one to be taken care of is my mother. She's translated to the small hospital immediately given the gravity of her state. They try to take care of my father's wounds, but he refuses, saying that he's fine and that it would be selfish to take her place when she needs it more. But I know better: he's freaking worried about her, trying to cover it up with selflessness.

Peter's wounds are also taken care of and Tobias wouldn't leave my side until my shot wound is cured. It remembers me of my parents and I smile. If I want our relationship to be like someone else's, it certainly would be my parents.

They also give me a sort of cream to help with the pain. Mom has to remain in hospital and dad has gone with her, so they take us to the cafeteria where there're the abnegation refugees. When I see them it hits me all that have happened to them. A lot have wound, some even don't have one arm or one leg. They look silent like always, but now there's also a sad aura around them, mourning. They great us, especially Marcus, happy to see their leader safe, hope running through their eyes. I notice Susan, and Caleb goes to sit with her immediately. I always knew that if we had both stayed in abnegation he'd have married her, and I'd have married Robert, her brother. Robert, who is here, in Amity.

I sit down with Tobias and an abnegation man gives me a cup, encouraging me to drink up.

"You'll sleep without dreams." he says, and I drink it. Sleep would be really helpful.

Next thing I remember is Tobias carrying me to a room with a bed.

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_Thanks for reading! and PLEASE don't forget to leave your review, even if it says: Like it or Hate it! It really helps me and encourages me! _

_by the way, I absolutly love the phrase "Fear God Alone", and I'll probably mention it a lot. I love it so much that I tatoo it on my wrist!_

_VANESA_


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hello! So, here's chapter Six! I wanted to thank you for all your reviews, favorites, PM's and follows! You don't have an idea how happy that makes me! This chapter, as the others, was checked by _****thebigdog2895, ****_an amazing fanfiction writer that I highly recommend you to read!_**

**_One thing before the chapter: a reader told me about Tobias being 20 in this story, so that have a 4 years gap. Sorry if that was confusing, I know that he's 18 in the books, but as I said in the first chapter I made him 20 because I think that Roth makes him really young for his personality (even with his personal life history), because I thought that two years difference was really not that much, but four years was a bit more scandalous and, also, because of Theo James as Four (drooling!) who, of course, appears 24. I read the books after the movie, and I couldn't help but imagine him 20! That doesn't mean that I won't mention some things about him physically that are closer to the book's description rather than the movie's, as his dark hair or his deep blue eyes. I try to mix them, but If it's too confusing you can just imagine that it says 18 and two years. Sorry, It was just that I always imagine it that way and wanted to make him 20._**

**_Enjoy it!_**

**_Vanesa_**

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**Andrew**

"Seriously, Nat, do you _really_ like him for her?" I ask, a bit annoyed at her attempt of making me approve Tobias. Oh, no, _Four_, I remember. Who on earth would picks up a _number_ as a nickname?

"Oh, Andrew, I think Beatrice could date Prince Edward and you'd still think he's not good enough for her," she says, between exasperated and tired. We are alone in the small hospital's bedroom. Natalie needed a blood transfusion because of the great amount that she'd lost. The Amity doctor who worked here said that it had been a miracle that she's still alive after losing so much, but I know better: Natalie is a fighter, and she fights more when she has a good reason. Certainly, our children and I are pretty a good one. I remember what she said and wonder who the hell Prince Edward is, and what does the word _prince _mean.

"What?" I ask her. The best thing about our relationship is that we don't need to be polite all the time with each other.

"Oh… Prince is royalty, in some countries and they are the ones that rule, as government… never mind, what I mean is that no man on the universe could be good for her in your opinion."

I sigh, because I know I lost the battle and also because that's true. Showing your feelings in Abnegation is considered selfish. Everyone knew that parents could love their children, it was natural, but showing it was something else. Beatrice is my little girl, perfect: brave, strong, selfless, beautiful, and compassionate. I know she left Abnegation because she thought she wasn't selfless enough, but I also know she is. Her selflessness may not lead her to help a woman with her bags or give her seat in the bus, but she would protect the innocent at every cost. Although, of course, that's what a Dauntless would say they'd do, and I remember her words to Jeanine in the control room: "You're right, I'm divergent".

If only she knew what "divergent" really meant.

When, 20 years ago, Natalie told me all about what was outside the fence and why we are here. I didn't, no, I couldn't believe her. I thought she had gone mad, but as she continued everything started to make sense. The Erudite in me knew it was true, it was real. I remember how frightened she was, thinking I'd leave her after that and how everything I could think of was how could I've ever been so lucky as to get that amazing woman to love me.

Natalie and I met at school. Being from different factions we couldn't even talk to each other but I shared two classes with her and could never stop staring at the petite beautiful Dauntless girl two seats away from mine.

Dauntless girls usually wore too much make-up; tight and reveling clothes and they were loud and noisy. But she wasn't.

She wore black clothes, of course, but usually jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt. In winter, she used to wear those amazing leather boots with fur that made her legs perfect; and a loose jumper, while other girls used to wear tight leather jackets.

Natalie almost never wore make up, and she was silent, quiet, and paid attention to our teachers. I loved her even before I could speak with her.

One day, when we were 15 (well, she was 16 then I discovered) Math class finished and everyone had left. Everyone but she and I, and suddenly all her books fell to the floor.

Although I wasn't Abnegation at the moment, I immediately went to help her with them, just wanting to be near her.

"Thank you," She said after we had finished, "My name's Natalie, what's yours?"

I had been so surprised to find out she was so kind. But then again, everything in her surprised me.

"Andrew," I said "Erudite, of course." I chuckled, pointing at my blue clothes.

She smiled.

"Yes, I can see it, but where're your glasses? I thought they were part of your clothes, almost like tattoos for us Dauntless."

I smiled, because even when I was still an Erudite I hated a part of it.

"Well, my vision is perfect, so I don't really see the point in wearing them." I answered, "Do you have any tattoos?"

I had felt so embarrassed after asking that, realizing what I said; but she just smiled and nodded her head.

After our first talk we would try to find anytime to speak to each other. In the beginning, I thought it was just me, but then I realized that she also wanted to see me. We struggled to miss lunch and speak or even miss classes, and that was strange for me, coming from Erudite. I really liked knowledge and craved for it, but I craved more for Natalie.

One day, when we escaped during lunch, I was brave enough and kissed her softly. In Erudite public affection wasn't so bad but I had never kissed anyone before. She just smiled and kissed me again. A week after that she told me to get out of math together.

"I have to tell you something important," she said, nervous and afraid "I must tell you the truth."

And she did.

She told me about the outside world, the genetic changes they had made, the purity war and what divergents were. She told me about her parents, how she survived and why she entered here; about her mission to get into Erudite.

At first it was really difficult to swallow it, to believe her. But I believed it because I believed in her. I assured her that my feelings had not changed.

"Well, at least we can be together, I have to get into Erudite after all," she told me and I tensed up. No, Erudite no. That was when I revealed all the wrong things that Erudite had done: using people as lab rats and controlling them, awful experiments and mostly, hunting down divergents.

"You'll never be safe there," I told her "They'll discover what you are. They'll think you are divergent, and in a way you are. I don't want to stay there, Erudite will use any child I have as a lab rat and I don't want that."

"We still have to go through the test."

"I don't care. Even if it says I'm 100% Erudite, I don't want it."

Her face had been thoughtful, quiet, like she was. Then she answered.

"I don't want it either. I don't want to fight anymore, I want to live. I want a life."

"And does it include me?" I asked her. She just smiled.

"Of course, silly, it includes you." We kissed after that, and then the solution came to my mind

"Erudite thinks that Abnegation is hiding divergents. Let's go there, let's be selfless."

I thought about how she could control her simulation, knowing that she'd be awake during it. My result was Erudite, but I wasn't going to stay there. I may have the ability to be smart, my "gen" might have been modified generations ago for that, but I hated their way of applying it.

In Abnegation we found a home. Initiation was easy and we married just 6 months after it, wanting to be together. We married, but for some time nothing happened between us. We fooled around at night, kissing and exploring, but we couldn't take it further, both too afraid. We were only 16 and 17 after all, and when we finally did it, I was glad that we had given ourselves our time.

Caleb was born just one year after our first time together and Beatrice only 10 months after him. That's when we knew we had to do something.

We loved our children, love them; but we didn't want to have a dozen. Sex was seen as a duty in Abnegation: to procreate, not as love, fun or for pleasure. That was too selfish. No birth control or condoms were given by any way possible. You had to have as many children possible or not have sex at all. Luckily, Nat found a recipe of some herbal tea that would keep her out of pregnancy, and we agreed that she'd take it every day until we wanted to be parents again. But that never happened. Beatrice and Caleb started growing up and we gave all of us to raise them up. We knew having another child wasn't a good idea.

We tried to be the perfect Abnegation parents, but sometimes it was just too hard, as when Beatrice's curiosity showed up, or when she wanted to stand up for what she believed, or when Caleb wanted more books and would ask me why couldn't he. And especially, when we just wanted to show them affection, play with them; run with them as I watched the Dauntless do with their children.

But we managed it, just and only so that 17 years later they would go back to the factions that we came from.

Maybe we didn't do such a great job.

"He's too old for her," I say, back to the conversation we were having and out of my thoughts.

She sighs, but this time a playful smile appears on her lips.

"I'm a year older than you, and you don't seem scandalized by that. It's only four years, Andrew. And he loves her, and…"-she stops herself, trying to sit on the bed. "And it's my fault," she finishes, barely aloud.

"What are you saying?"

"That's my fault. I knew there was something off with Marcus and Tobias Eaton back when he was in Abnegation. And I did nothing, just as no one did anything with my parents and me."

That's when I understand. Tobias makes her remember her own childhood.

"And you are letting her be with him because you feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault at all?" I ask.

"Of course not!" she says, a bit offended, "I want her to be with him because I know that what they feel is real. She stopped him, Andrew. He woke up from the simulation because of her. They look at each other as we look at ourselves. It's real; it's not just a teenage love. But I can't look at him and not see a hurt little boy just like I was. Didn't you notice how he looked at Marcus?" She hisses the last name and I feel rage on me. How can a father do that to his own child? Certainly there were things that Beatrice and Caleb did that made me furious, but hitting them was not the solution. Punish them with going to their room, having to clean the house or going to bed without supper was normal, but hitting them, and the way it seems Marcus hit Tobias… Beatrice was absolutely angry when Marcus tried to speak with Tobias. That was how I knew that it was not "children's imagination". Marcus fooled with all of us, but he'd not fool any longer.

"Marcus is a monster. We'll show that to everyone, he fooled us all, Nat. He fooled me. I'd have never been good to him if I'd know that what the rumors said was true. When the gossips started you asked me if I was completely sure that it was not true, and I said yes. It was my fault."

"Or maybe as Tobias told me that was no one's fault but Marcus's," she tells me. I think in what she just said… Tobias told her?

"When did you speak with him?"

"em… um… back when we all fell asleep, I heard noises from the other carriage and found them there. I talked with him," she says as if it's not important, but I understood it: noises. _Them._

_I'll kill him._

"YOU SEE! THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE HIM FOR HER! HE'S OLDER, HE'LL MAKE HER DO THINGS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO!" I calm myself down, looking back at the door. Thankfully no one has entered or heard me, "She's still a little girl."

Natalie gives me a funny look and laughs hard.

"Believe me that our daughter was not being pushed to do anything. On the other hand she seemed to be enjoying it. Maybe too much."

"Oh, please, shut up Natalie. I already want to kill him."

She laughs harder.

"Come on, you knew this day would come," she says, "but, Andrew, we have more to discuss than Beatrice's intimate life…" I flinch at that. Beatrice is still 5 years old in my mind; the word intimate and she don't go together. "… We have to discuss what we'll tell to everyone. I know you believe that Edith's video should be released, but believe me that if people go out of that fence everything will be worse. I've seen how they treat the GD's, it's awful. I don't want to see them being treated like that" she stops "I don't want to see you or Caleb being treated like that."

My gaze softens. She's always been so terrified about that, but what will be of us if we stay here, if we let this uprising continue?

"But what's going to happen when they see the uprising? The deaths?. Abnegation has the largest amount of divergents. They aren't going to let them die like that, after all they are, what they want, and not people like me. What if they decide that this can't continue and release the memory serum?"

She sighs and looks at me with apologetic eyes.

"There's something I haven't told you… I've been trying to, but couldn't find the right moment, not with everything that has happened" I nod, encouraging her to continue "Four days ago, when you left to Marcus's to arrange all these things about the video and Erudite, I received a message. As you can figure out, I mean a message from David and the people back in the Bureau. I met David and Zoe among others. They told me what was going to happen… they warned me. They didn't quite know when, but they knew how. They knew that Erudite was going to use Dauntless, and I was so afraid for Beatrice. David told me to run off, he said that I could bring you and even Beatrice and Caleb if I manage to, but that staying meant certain death. I just told him that it was insane that they didn't do anything, that they were just going to let an entire good group of people die for an experiment. He's changed so much Andrew, so much that I can't even recognize him any longer. Zoe has turned into a woman, not a child any longer, and I'm afraid that they are buying all that the States are telling them about the GD and GP.

So, I came back home, and then Caleb appeared. When the attack started I knew what was going to happen, that was why I told you to try to evacuate Abnegation. But … there's a phrase that's been lingering in my mind, something that David said… I couldn't really place it, but I think I've find it now. He said, "you don't understand it, Natalie, no one is going to get out of it; sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good, you know that; and this is one of them." At first I thought he was referring to not intervening, but then I thought…. Andrew, I think that I know the answer; Erudite didn't create the serum, at least not entirely. The Bureau did. They scarified all Abnegation for the _greater good_."

When she finishes, she's hardly breathing, her body still weak. And I'm speechless.

The words that she said start to fill my mind, trying to connect them. Bureau, David, Zoe, Serum, Killings, Sacrifices.

I stay silent for a few seconds, then minutes. I try to connect all that she told me, the Erudite in me placing all those things together.

"Andrew? Please, say something"- She almost begs me now.

"Well… I'll not say anything _for now_ that you went to see your ex-boyfriend at night and without telling me," she rolls her eyes at this and opens her mouth to answer me back, but I continue "….and I'll just ask: why would they be ok with Erudite attacking Abnegation?, why would they even help them? Abnegation has the largest amount of Divergents"

She looks at me. And that's when I understand… unless we don't.

"We don't, do we?"I ask. She nods

"The factionless do. They are the largest amount of divergents. The majority of them come from Dauntless, and those which don't were kicked off from other factions. They had to run away in order to not be discovered. The bureau might try to protect them, so if Jeanine thinks that she killed the divergents by ending Abnegation, then it's done"

"The bureau's trying to kill us; Jeanine and Erudite are trying to kill us. There's only one way out: getting out. If we stay here we could die or worse: lose our memories."I say, angrily.

Because we both know that's the worst option of the two of them. Losing our memories would be losing us.

I intertwine my right hand with her left one; my left hand gently stroking her cheek. We join our foreheads.

No, I can't forget her. I can't forget my son and my daughter. No matter what Erudite or the freaking States want to do to us. I'll just never let them make me forget them.

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**_So, what do you think? Did you like Andrew's POV? What do you think of how I made him? I was thinking that he should be a concerned and jealous father but also a mature and smart man. _**

**_Vanesa._**


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello! First of all thanks for your reviews, PM's, favorites and follows! They really encourage me to continue, knowing what you think about this! I try to answer all those reviews that belong to fanfiction users, but to those who don't: thank you sooooo much! I'd like to mention __**thebigdog2895,**__and thank her for checking up this chapter as well as the others!_

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING, VERONICA ROTH DOES, AND IF ANYBODY HAS HER ADRESS PLEASE TELL ME THAT, AS PRACTICALLY ALL THE FANDOM WORLD, I HAVE SOME "ISSUES" TO DISCUSS WITH HER (MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT THE FINAL?)._

_Cheers and enjoy it!_

* * *

**Tris**

_I can see him. I'm back in Abnegation, my gun pointing at Will's head. I shout at him but he doesn't answer, doesn't move and doesn't do anything. His lifeless gaze tells me that he's not really there; our hands are at the same level._

_His hand, why didn't I shoot at it? His hand, leg, arm, shoulder… I was smart enough with Tobias, why wasn't I with Will?_

Suddenly, I wake up. I touch under my pillow and the gun is still there. It feels heavier than before; the disk behind my bed feels more important.

"Beatrice? Are you awake?" I almost jump at the sound of Tobias's voice. Then I think…

"Did you just call me Beatrice?" I ask, lifting up my eyebrows. He smiles.

"Yeah, I was just trying it…"

"Well, let's leave it for special occasions," I look up at him, sitting in an uncomfortable chair. "Come here, I tell him, my good hand on the mattress. He does as I command and sits down next to me, his arm on my waist.

"What were you dreaming about? I thought it was something bad, I wanted to wake you up, but you needed to rest…" He frowns at the idea.

"I…"I don't want to start, how do I tell him? I've killed someone. I've killed a friend. But I can't have secrets from him, we're together after all. "I have to tell you something…"

He stiffens, looking at me. I don't know what to say, how to start.

"You can tell me anything Tris." His voice is low, caring and tender, so different and distant from the cold Four. I know I can trust him with this; I want to, I have to trust him, but that doesn't stop fear from rising up inside me. What will he say? How will he say it?

Be Brave…those words come to my mind. I know that when he's afraid he thinks of the three words written on his walls: "Fear God Alone". I think in the words he told me: "Be Brave." And I am.

"I killed Will, Tobias. I killed him."It feels as if a thousand stones had been taken off of me. It hurts, but I can't share it with anyone else. I listen to myself repeating those words. _I killed him, I killed him, I killed him_. I know it's me saying them, but it feels as if it's someone else's mouth, body.

"Tris…" He begins, but he doesn't continue. He knows that there're no words for this, so he just hugs me, and I can't contain myself any longer

"I killed my friend. He was under the simulation; he was going to kill me. I thought I had no other choice, but I know I did. With you, the idea of killing you was unbearable, so I thought of an alternative. And now… Al and Will died and it's my fault. I killed him by my own hand, Tobias. Why didn't I shoot his arm or his leg? Will is dead; Christina's going to hate me. I have no friends, I'm a horrible person." I didn't notice when tears started falling out, but now I'm silently crying. He lifts my chin up and looks into my eyes.

"I'll be your friend, Tris," he says," I'll be you friend forever, but not the only one, because Christina will forgive you. Yes, she's going to be mad and hurt and resentful, but she was Candor, she'll know that you didn't want to do it. You had no choice, you can't see it but I can. He couldn't have woken up, not only because he wasn't divergent but also because you two didn't have the bond, the connection that you and I share. He was your friend, but you couldn't have woken him up. And, please_, please_, do not _ever_ say again that you are a horrible person. You're amazing: beautiful, strong, wild, smart and caring. I know it's hard for you, but please do not let yourself go. We'll get through this, I promise you, we'll face this together."

The word together lingers in my mind. He's said all these amazing things about me... does he really see me like that? I imagine he must see something in me, or we wouldn't be dating, but does he really think of me so highly? Together…it's such a small word, and it makes me feel so complete, so… whole. He won't let me go, he knows, he understands. I've never asked him, but being from Dauntless I imagine he must have had to, at least, use some violence on people. There're no words to describe how I feel right now. I'm relieved that he isn't staring at me like a murder and I am grateful for his understanding. I'm absolutely in love with this boy… no, with this man, in front of me. This brave, selfless,

strong, hot, kind man. He's just so damn perfect.

I raise my head and capture his lips with mine. He answers immediately, kissing me back, hard, slipping his arms around my neck. Suddenly I feel this heat rising up inside me, wanting him closer. I don't want any space between us; I want to feel him as I felt him on the train. My arm grabs his hip and he lies on top of me, his big and muscular body over mine, not letting me go. His hands slide under my top, touching my skin and I'm on fire. I want to feel him so desperately, and my body seems to react without even me noticing it. My hands start stroking his chest under the shirt, feeling his hard muscles. He shivers, almost trembling.

"Do you like this?" I ask. I've never done this before. Well, certainly the train had been something, but still… I don't know what feels good and what doesn't. I want to explore him, I want to explore this side of our relationship, but I'm scared to death of doing it bad.

"Yes….it feels good," he moans. I replace my hands with my mouth, kissing his neck, then his collarbone, and finally his chest. His shirt is a real burden, but when I try to take it off he stops me.

"Don't," he says, turning around so I'm facing his back. His voice is hard and harsh. I try to touch his shoulders but he rejects my movement. I feel panic raise over me: I knew this would happen! When it comes to physical contact I'm clueless!.

"Have I done something wrong?" I ask. My voice is hurt, but I hadn't realized it before. Great, now I sound like a child.

"No, you haven't Tris. Just the opposite: you're too good. If I start I'm afraid I might not stop" What? I don't… oh. Understanding hits me and I can't stop a hysterical laugh from escaping from my lips.

"It's not funny!" he complains.

"Yes, it is. It's just that it's happening to you, so you can't see the humor," I reply, "What are you thinking about, anyway?"

"Anything but you," he answers, "And your lips, your mouth, and the way your hands feel on my body… damn! I lost it again." He is exasperated now, sinking his head in his hands. I laugh again, harder this time.

Do I really have this effect on him? That he can't control himself? The strong and emotionless Four can't control himself due to a little, skinny, sixteen year old girl? It seems out of this world.

He faces me again, giving me a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Anyway, we have to go. Amity is going to decide what they are going to do," he says the last part exaggerating with his hands, "I never thought I'd have my fate decided by Amity." He finishes and I nod. Yeah, me neither.

"And let me guess… we are already late, aren't we?" I say. He nods, and I know it's funny because Dauntless are usually late for everything, wanting to show up and give a good entrance. I guess we have a reputation to hold on to.

Tobias gives me a pair of red jeans and a yellow t-shirt. He also gives me underwear and I blush when I see it. Did he pick it up for me? As if he's reading my thoughts, he tells me that Susan gave him the clothes for me to change into, also blushing. I'd like to have a shower, but we have no time, so I quickly get changed after he turns round.

We start walking outside, where the big Amity tree stands. When we finally get there, everyone is already sitting on the branches talking. Everyone but Abnegation, who are just solemnly sitting in silence; Marcus included. I suppose Mom and Dad had to stay at the hospital, and immediately I feel guilty for not being with her and instead staying at my room, fooling around with my boyfriend. How can I be such an awful daughter, and still they can love me so much? Looking back at Marcus, who is standing next to the bigger roots, I think just the opposite: how can an awful father like him have such an amazing son like Tobias? When we were running out from Dauntless and trying to catch the train, I really thought that he'd leave Marcus there. Who could blame him? Certainly, I wouldn't have.

At my right, I spot Caleb, who is sitting next to Susan and other Abnegation around our age. They aren't talking, none of them.

Tobias squeezes my hand, calling my attention and I look at him, giving him a little smile. We sit on the ground; or better said, Tobias sits on the ground and I sit between his legs, my back against his chest and his big, long arms and legs around me, caging me as if he doesn't want to let me go. That's fine; I don't want to let him go either. I breathe in his scent, struggling closer to his body. He rests his chin on my head and for the first time in so many hours, I feel absolutely safe, comfortable and home. My wound doesn't hurt at all; the happy chatting, the sound of birds and the different fruits' aromas filling my lungs and my brain. His body against mine and his personal scent, that one I love so much, making me feel whole and home.

"It still amazes me the way that you can perfectly fit in my arms, as if you were made just for me," he says in my ear and I smile, because it's not the first time I've also thought about that.

"Yeah, but why did you have to be so big and I have to be so small? I look weak compared to you."

"

You aren't. Not to me. Indeed, you are my strength, my flame," he says now looking through my eyes, and I froze at his words. Me? Being his flame? I can't even think about it, never thinking that he'd need anyone to be his flame, and least of all, me. I want to say something, but words are not my strength, so I just lift up my chin to kiss him, but suddenly someone steps between us.

"Eaton, could you please stop practically _throwing yourself_ over my little sister? You're embarrassing Abnegation with your attitude," Caleb says, angrily. Tobias's eyes were soft and tender, but suddenly they change to fierce and angry. I imagine I look the same way, because that's definitely how I feel.

"Listen Prior: First, she's not your little anything. Second, I'm not throwing myself over her, where just talking and hugging. You know, that thing couples do. And third, we aren't Abnegation. Not anymore." Well, I must admit that the way he says it, it's pretty scary, but surprisingly Caleb doesn't go. He's just about to answer back when Johanna starts speaking.

At this, Caleb sits down, a few steps away from us but still close enough. Now, all the anger that I held towards him minutes ago is gone. He's just acting like a big brother, trying to protect his sister, but he must understand that I'm not little and weak and that Tobias would never harm me.

Johanna says that their friendship with Erudite has been strong, but also Abnegation has been one of their best friends, sharing so many values. Minutes later, people of Amity start walking and speaking to each other, quietly but happily at the same time. Abnegations don't intervene, knowing it's not their decision to make. It all seems so out of place, so… chaotic to me.

"How can they reach an agreement?" I ask Tobias, who's looking at them with a glow in his eyes.

"They don't care about the efficacy, just the decision," he answers me.

"It's confusing" I tell him.

"I think it's beautiful," he says, his gaze following their movements, daydreaming. I notice something else in them, something that I'd never seen before in him: Hope.

Is he really the same guy that told me who gave me the right to speak to him on our first meal together?

"Have they given you peace serum or something?" I snap. He looks back at me, a smile on his face.

"I did say I'd try to be kind," he reminds me, images of him showing me his tattoos coming back to my mind. I smile back, wanting to take his face with my hands and kiss him forever, but knowing better. My brother's still a few steps away, protectively watching us.

"It may work for them, but it'd be impossible to make it work for everyone. We could never agree by doing this, what happens when not everyone wants to speak quietly and play instruments?"

"I imagine we'll see," he just answers me.

When they finish, Johanna stands again over the roots near Marcus. I can't help but notice how she glances at him, her face glowing at his sight. Marcus's eyes are the same ones as Tobias: deep ocean blue. Physically, it's what I love the most about him: those beautiful eyes, surrounded by his long and thick eyelashes. Whenever I look at them I feel safe, at home. Those eyes that I've learned to look into for his emotions, something that I realize I've never seen anybody else doing.

Marcus's eyes are like his, but they don't show what Tobias's show. Back in Abnegation eye-looking was considered selfish, so I didn't use to look into our leader's eyes. But now that I do, I can see emptiness in them, and also rage. I've come to distinguish fear, rage, and hate: hate like the one they showed when Tobias stood up to him.

Has Johanna fallen for those eyes? Has she fallen for Marcus? I hope not, I really hope not. We might not have the best relation, but I truly hope that she hasn't fallen for that

monster.

She starts talking, telling that they've reached to an agreement: Amity will be neutral, declared as a safe house for those wishing to escape the city chaos. Everyone will be welcome, everyone that follows three simple rules: no fighting, no weapons, and no arguments.

I think about the tension between Tobias and Marcus, Peter, myself, and even my parents and Marcus. I think about the disk, the uprisings, and people dying in the city. We are Dauntless, and we didn't become Dauntless just to be cocky, wear black, and be able to have and use weapons. I want to believe, _I need to believe_ that we became Dauntless to protect the weak, to stand up for them, to fight for them. I won't be able to stay here, hide and safe while others die for me, and neither will Tobias.

"We won't be able to stay here much longer," I tell him. He doesn't say anything for some time, his gaze changing from the Amity to my brother, to Peter and then to Marcus.

"No, we won't," he finally answers.

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading! I know the story is pretty similar to the books until now but it will change afterwards. Please don't forget to leave reviews, comments or PM's as well as favorites and follows! Next chapter will probably be on Tuesday and it's going to be the largest one that I've written! After next week I'll be able to update more frequently!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Hello! First thing: SORRY! I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!. This chapter was supposed to be updated on Tuesday right? But actually have good reasons: first, I'm having the worst weeks ever as I have final exams at university, so really my life this past 3 weekends has been coffee, cake (sadly, not dauntless cake) and tons of photocopies about Juan Peron and Communications Law and the Snowden case. Yep, absolutely boring and time consuming. On the other hand, there's the world cup: Argentina played two times last week and I live in a country where they could crucified me if I don't watch the matches. Lastly, It seems my body knows when to make me week because I've been ill for 4 days up to know, having a terrible cold (here is winter), so all I wanted to do was sleep, sleep and more sleep._

_After this Thursday I have no more exams until next month, so I'll try to update more! PROMISED! This chapter is the longest one, 10 pages in word! Fuck yeah! So enjoy it!_

_As always, thanks for the amazing reviews and please continue sending me them and PM'S. They make my day! _

* * *

**Tobias**

After the speech, Tris went to have a shower and I headed to the small bedroom that Amity assigned me. It's smaller than the one I had in Dauntless, but it's comfortable and I don't need anything else. It only has a double bed, a small wardrobe and a tiny table which works as a desk. The walls are painted in light yellow and the furniture is all cheerful red, which makes me want to puke. Agh, I understand they want everything to be happy and that, but really? Do they need to paint _everything_ in red and yellow?

There's no bathroom, since all the showers are shared here, but there's a small restroom.

I plop onto the bed, closing my eyes, stress coming to me after all that has happened. When I close my eyes I can't help but think about Marcus. I hadn't seen him for four years, and suddenly he came back to my life. The worst, most terrifying thing is that he came back with all this shit happening around us, and that he came back just now, when I have someone that I care about that, that I love. Someone that he can hurt.

Tris. My brave, selfless, beautiful Tris; who stepped forward trying to protect me. Not because she thinks I'm weak, but because she knows my fears and knows that he's the worst one.

And, just like that, thinking about her relaxes me. I remember her thin and gorgeous figure in my head, letting my mind go towards the place which I love the most: her tiny waist that fits just in my hands; her hips; her legs so firm and perfect after Dauntless training. And, although I know it's wrong and bad, I picture her right now in the showers, washing herself…

_STOP!_ A voice inside my mind shouts and I open my eyes, as if it had really happened, as if someone had spoken. I sigh.

If I had counted all the times that I had to take cold showers to find other…ways…of relieving myself after thinking (or, better said, daydreaming) about Tris…Well, it'd be impossible to count them all. Since the very first moment that she jumped into that net I knew she was different. She hadn't screamed, she hadn't panicked. She found it amusing…it was magnificent to watch how it seemed that she had been reborn after that jump, as if she had been hiding all her life. I knew she was like no other girl, like no other person I had ever met before, and now I realize that I loved her from that very first moment.

Someone knocks on my door.

"In a minute!" I shout, standing up and collecting myself. I open the door, just to be greeted by Andrew and Natalie Prior. She still looks weak, but extremely better than before, her husband holding her tightly to his side, supporting her light weight. It's impossible to look at them and not tell how much they love and care for each other.

"Oh, um… please, come in," I say, stepping forward so they can enter.

"Tobias, the reason we are here is because we'd like to discuss some…matters…with you," Natalie says and I gulp. This is it, they're going to tell me that they don't want me to date Tris any longer, that I'm not good enough for her; and I know it'll lead to more than a discussion, because I'll never leave her. I know that I don't deserve her, but when it comes to Tris I'm selfish.

"And no, it's not about Beatrice we'd like to talk about," Andrew says roughly. Natalie gives him a hard look, but then it softens when she looks at me, her eyes motherly. I'd have liked to have a mother like her, not one that abandoned me. I wish Tris realizes how fortunate she is of having parents like them.

"Does anyone from Abnegation or Dauntless now that you're Tobias Eaton, Marcus's son?" she asks me, and I shake my head.

"I don't really know, but I don't think so. Only Tori was at my choosing ceremony four years ago, and when I refused to say my name she covered me up. Then they nicknamed me Four, and I just took it. Back in Abnegation, I had no friends at all and don't really think that someone remembers Marcus's son. Even if they do, I've changed a lot in these years, and anyway I'd like to keep it that way. For everyone I'm Four, Dauntless member," I say

Natalie nods.

"Of course, but there's something more… and that's what may require you saying who you are," Andrew tells me, "Do you want us to denounce Marcus? Abnegation is forgiving, but a parent abusing his child is something that we don't tolerate. When everything is calmer and our faction decides what to do, we could call a trial and denounce him if you give your testimony, we could be your back up. He'd have to leave Abnegation and become factionless. It's not as if he'll die, as we feed the factionless…or used to, I don't know which is our current position, but he'll be out of society and the system, something that I imagine is one of his worst fears."

I think about it: Marcus facing one of his worst (if not just worst) fears, living through the same desperation and hopelessness which I had to live every night of my life, but I immediately know the answer: No.

Recognizing that would be recognizing my past, my fear; the one that I've tried so hard to cover and forget. After transferring to Dauntless I had taken a new name, a new identity and, although I had just been living by half, it had been incredibly better than any other life I could of had in Abnegation, it had been better than all those years next to him. I know now, after four years, that I changed to Dauntless because I was afraid, because I wanted to be something that I was not… brave, courageous, being able to stand up against my father. That was why I had decided to become factionless… I might be a Dauntless prodigy, but I don't belong with them. I _can't_ belong with them, because I can't be just one thing.

That was, of course, until Tris appeared. She completed me, made me full and whole. With her by my side I was braver, I was stronger and mostly, I wasn't afraid of being Tobias Eaton, but it was just for her. I want to be me, the real me, for her, even maybe her parents (who had the right to know who truly their daughter was in love with); but I still can't be Tobias for the rest.

"No, I don't want it. In the past, when I was Abnegation four years ago, I may have wanted to, but not now. I'm no longer Tobias for them, I'm Four," I say, looking at them, and I know they caught it: for them, not for Tris or for Natalie and Andrew, but for them (the rest of this society we know) I'm only Four.

They nod again.

"We understand, and won't say anything. It's your absolute right; you're the one who suffered the most. On the other side, we can't_- I can't_- work alongside or treat him as I used to," Natalie says, and then her husband continues.

"A man that abuses his own child is no man at all. A man that torments his own blood cannot lead a faction, a group, and least of all an altruist faction."

After saying that Andrew nods at me as a farewell and heads out of the door, but Natalie stays behind just a few more seconds.

"Tobias" she says her hand over my right shoulder "He's the monster, not you. Never forget that."

And then she leaves again, like on the train, leaving me speechless.

* * *

_I'm fighting her, as they commanded me. I kick her on the right side and she crouches. She tries to punch me back, in my face, using her body and trying to be fast. But I'm faster. For some reason, what she's trying to do sounds familiar to me._

_"__You're too small and don't have muscle, but you're fast, use that and your whole body," someone that looks like me says, holding a woman's waist "like this," he finishes, showing her. His fingers linger a bit too longer on her skin, and I can feel his emotions. Suddenly I realize that he's me, that's why I can feel his emotions._

_"__Tobias, please, listen to me. See me Tobias, it's me," the girl I'm fighting says. Tobias? Why is she trying to reason with me? Why is she calling me Tobias?_

_"__She's the enemy" A voice stronger than hers, which actually sounds like a woman, says inside me. Of course, she is. The girl tries to reach me and I kick her, hard this time, but for some reason it feels wrong, it feels bad. The girl continues saying the same that name: Tobias. And then a number: Four. Why would she say four? I don't understand. She's the enemy, she's doing something bad. I have to end with her, but I can help and notice how beautiful she is. She's really small, with blond hair._

_"__She's the girl from your memory!" I realize. Then she does something surprising: she has a gun, and aims the gun at herself._

_She's the enemy, she's the enemy, she's the enemy._

_Those are the only words that come to my head. I take the gun and point at her head with it._

_"__It's ok, I love you, I love you, it's ok," she says, "Four, I love you"_

_She says that over and over again, but I don't know why. She's the enemy, so I fire._

_And then, I wake up, just to realize that I killed her. I killed Tris._

Knock, knock, knock.

"Tris," I shout, as I wake up. Oh, thank god, it was just a nightmare. That's when I hear it again, that soft but insistent sound on my door. I get up and open it.

On the other side Caleb's face appears.

Great, _just great._ It seems I'll have to deal with every Prior today, and the only one that I truly want to see won't come.

"Caleb," I greet, letting him enter. He looks around the bedroom (probably looking for Tris) and then sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Four," he finally greets me back, "I came here to talk about Beatrice."

Incredible. Just _perfectly fucking awesome_.

"Her name is Tris now; you might want to remember it," is the only reply I give him back, clenching my teeth, "And you know, we both happen to think that our relationship is _ours._ You have nothing to tell me."

"Well, I don't think so. Just let me tell you something: I have eyes, I can see what you look like; you're Dauntless, you could kick me in seconds and I'd never notice it. Tris seems to really like you, even love you, but if you ever hurt her I'll make sure you pay. I might not be Dauntless, brave or strong, but I'm an Erudite and our minds work….well, different." Oh, crap, I could beat him up in seconds, but I also know I can't do it, for Tris. He's her brother after all, her family.

"Oh, and Four." _Great, does he really have to continue_? "If you're just fooling around with her, please end it right now. She's not that type of girl," he finally finishes.

What the fuck? this_… kid_… really thinks he can lecture me? Does he really think I'll leave Tris? Hasn't he seen us together? Well, at least I do agree with him at the last part: Tris is special, not someone temporary.

"Ok, Caleb, three things: First, you don't threaten me. Second, what happens between us is our thing. And third…I'm not fooling around with her… I love her," I say, the last part almost a whisper. Saying it makes me feel unprotected, naked and as if he could hurt me (as if anyone could hurt me) because of it. But it also makes me feel… alive. More alive than ever.

He looks at me, probably thinking if he should or shouldn't believe me, but after a few seconds he nods. Good, it seems we reached an understanding.

"Anyway, how did you two ever get together? You're older, you couldn't have been in her initiation class and, as I understand, it's not common for Dauntless members to speak with the initiates until initiation finishes," he says.

"Actually, I was her instructor," I start, and his eyes pop out.

"Her Instructor?! You dated your own pupil!?" he screams out, shocked and I can't help but smile. Although I'd never confessed, when we kissed, Tris still being an initiate (my initiate), it made me feel good, dangerous, rebellious. We were breaking the rules… well, not the rules, but almost.

"Yes, Instructor. I was the one that caught her when she jumped into the net and in that moment I knew she was special," I tell him, remembering that day, that moment. She hadn't screamed, just laughed. A Stiff, the first jumper. She amazed me, and continues to amaze me."

"Did you date her from the beginning?" he asks, now his Erudite curiosity showing off.

"No, in fact she hated me. After I threw knives at her…" He doesn't let me continue and just then I realize that I said.

"YOU DID WHAT!?" He cries out. _Fuck, great Tobias, you're a genius. You really had to tell him that didn't you? Now he's going to tell Andrew and…fucking shit._ I internally kick myself. Well, I have to fix it. I start explaining what happened, telling him about Al, Eric and how Tris defended him. A glimpse of pride crosses his eyes when I tell him how brave and selfless she had been, standing in front of the target to protect her friend.

"And you didn't even hurt her?" he asks me, "how is that even possible? If you follow the trajectory…"

"OK, brainy, I don't understand any of that, but it's just about balance and having a steady hand. Also, about the right pressure…" I try to explain to him, but it's actually pretty difficult. His eyes are big, carefully listening to me. I sigh, "Here, let me show you."

Caleb looks at me terrified, his face absolutely white. I think he believes I'll throw knives at him or something, but then I grab a piece of cheese and a knife that I had taken from the cafeteria along with some bread and place it on the small table near the bed. Then, I throw the knife, hitting it perfectly in the middle.

Caleb's mouth is now wide open, his eyes looking at the cheese with the knife and then me.

"No way, that's impossible!" he says, "Show me how to do it!" He's absolutely excited now, and I think he's forgotten about Tris, and internally I give myself a pat. Well done, Tobias.

I show him how to do it, but he misses the target. I notice that he crooks his elbow in the wrong direction, that's why it doesn't follow the direction. Also, he applies to much pressure; he just needs to do it quick and fast.

"No, not like that."

"But I imitated you perfectly!" he protests. Well, I guess he's not used to being wrong.

"No, you didn't."

"Well, show me again then," he says, but suddenly the door opens and a curious Tris appears. I can't help but grin and stand up, going to her side. Finally, the Prior I've wanted to see all afternoon.

"What're you doing?" she asks her eyes passing between the knife in the cheese and then Caleb and me.

"Tell me he's some kind of Dauntless prodigy! Can you do that?" Caleb asks, still stunned.

She thinks it for a second. Of course she can, I taught her.

"With my right arm, maybe. But yes, _Four_ is unique." I stare at her, knowing what she was trying to say. My nickname shows how different I'm to the other Dauntless.

Caleb starts speaking, saying something about the water's system's book, and I suggest him to lend it to Tris, having my pay back for her little joke with my name. He'll annoy her till hell. She stares back at me and I can't help but get lost in those eyes, her beautiful stormy grey-blue eyes, which show that sparkle I love so much, that fire that could consume me. My eyes move to her lips, so desirable. I want nothing more than cross the few steps between us and kiss her, and then when I look back at her eyes I realize that she has the same look. Her eyes are a bit darker than usual, her teeth chewing her bottom lip, and I feel jealous of it.

Caleb must notice how we look at each other, because he clears his throat and then leaves the room after saying something that I didn't really pay attention to him.

"It seems every single Prior will come today," I tell her after he leaves. She giggles.

"What was he doing here?"

"Oh, I think it was the big brother talk, you know. 'Don't fool around with my sister' and that."

"And what did you tell him?" she asks, lifting her eyebrows

"Well, I told him how we met. That's how the knife throwing came up," I answer her, and she smiles at that. "And I told him I wasn't fooling around."

Her head immediately jumps at that, after a few seconds she closes our distance and kisses me, hard and roughly, but also lovingly. I know what she's trying to say: I'm not fooling around either, I love you. But we aren't really good with words, and sometimes human contact, a touch; a kiss is a thousand times better than words.

I kiss her back, thoughts of what happened in her bedroom coming to my mind. I kiss her cheeks and on her neck, leaving wet kisses over it, sucking it, a moan escaping her lips and I smile. She likes it. I suck harder, Tris enclosing me with her tiny arms. My nightmare comes to my mind and I press harder, trying to forget it, to deny it: I haven't killed her, she's with me. Her chest is pressed against mine. I can feel her breasts and it makes me crazy, the sensation of her hands playing and pulling my hair as I kiss her neck and collarbone, encouraging me to continue. One of her hands sliding under my shirt, tracing my tattoos; her legs around me.

But she hasn't come for this… I'm the older one, I have to concentrate. I pull away from her skin, gently untangling us and kissing her ear.

"Tris… You haven't come for this," I tell her.

"Who cares?" she says seductively and a bit desperately, taking my head with her hands and kissing me back fiercely again. She wants to forget, I want to forget, we both want to escape to our personal world where it's just her and me, where there's no war, no Jeanine Mathews and where we aren't even Dauntless or Divergents. Our world where it's just her and I; Tris and Tobias, a boy and a girl deeply and madly in love.

I kiss her back with the same desperation and need, but I know I have to stop this, be the mature one and not simply a horny teenager.

"Tris…" I say again, a bit more insistent this time.

"Okay, Okay!" she says exasperated and sighs, looking at me under her lashes two seconds later. I swallow hard, noticing it's the first time she does that and how incredible sexy she looks, her eyes bluer and more alive, "but we continue later," she finishes

Ok, yep, no doubt, this girl is going to be my death, definitely.

She gets up from my lap, sitting next to me and I bring my legs to my arms, grabbing them, not wanting her to notice my _little problem._

As soon as she starts telling me about Marcus and Johanna and what she heard in the gardens I almost wish I hadn't stopped her, wanting everything but to hear about the piece of shit that raised me and shivering at his name. It seems that they all want to talk about him today.

She tells me that Marcus says that Abnegation has important information about something, something for what hundreds have died, and another amount has almost died, included her parents. This information is now in Janine's hands, and he wants it back

Then she asks what I think, and I answer her: It's just Marcus being Marcus, trying to b more important of what he really is.

Our main problem right know is figuring out what the hell we're going to do about the city, the attacks and our faction.

She lets me win this time, agreeing with me, but I know her better: She hasn't changed her mind, she's just trying to avoid and argument right now. She's Tris , after all, and we're both too stubborn and proud for that.

"Wait, did you say that all the Priors came to see you today?" she asks me and I smile.

"Yeah, your parents came before Caleb."

"What for?" I can see fear in her question; she might be thinking that they came to talk about us, just like Caleb.

"Marcus," I answer. Her eyes go wide with curiosity, "they wanted to report him," I say it as its no matter to me, as if it hadn't been what I wanted and prayed for back when I was 10, 12, 14 years old; scared and beaten, but she knows me better, she looks through my eyes.

"And what did you say?"

"I said no, I don't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt me; or anyone really. I don't want them to think that I'm…" I don't continue, I can't. If I do, I'd have to admit the truth: that I'm a coward, that I don't deserve someone as brave as her by my side. But this is Tris. She notices my mood change and, taking my head with her hands, she tells me, "you aren't weak because of it Tobias. Everyone is afraid of something, you told me that. And what you said is not true… you let me know it."

How does she do it? How can she look through me that way? How can she know what to say when I need it, when not to speak when I can't hear her? It's something that I think I'll never be able to understand.

"You're special Tris" is my answer. I've always lived hidden, hiding who I truly am. The best proof is how I never told my name to anyone, not even Zeke. But with her it's different, I know I need to be opener, I need to tell her about me; how can we build a relationship otherwise? Not long ago I thought that I couldn't be kind with her, just hard, because that's the only way I know how to be; and I couldn't have been more wrong about anything. She makes me kind; she makes me want to be kind.

I don't even notice when Tris is kissing me again, but I give myself entirely to that kiss, pushing her on the bed and caging her with my arms. She lets out a moan, but I know that this one is not in pleasure but in pain.

"What's the matter?"

"My sides are hurting me. Let's shift both of us to the bed," she says against my lips, and I nod, lifting her up and throwing us both onto the mattress, kissing her again immediately. Her legs curl against my hips, my hands on her waist and I want to touch her, feel her. Holding my weight with one arm, I wander the other through her left calf and then her right, looking at her eyes, silently asking for permission. She doesn't stop me and I don't want to stop. I'm glad she's not shy and know she's getting over her fear, slowly and piece by piece, that she's pushing herself to her limits, not letting the fear control her. Her eyes shine with fire and it's intoxicating and breath- taking. Her left hand wanders under my shirt and she pulls it up a bit. I catch her message and help her take it off, remembering what I told her last time she tried to take it off, about not being able to control myself. Well, to be sincere I don't think I can control myself now, but that time had been just after our little train session and I really felt like I could jump over her and rip her clothes off.

She presses my chest, indicating me to turn over. I smile: of course, she has to control it; she has to be on top and take control of this.

I do it and then the most wonderful view comes to me. She's just on top of me, her hair falling all over her face, giving her an angel aura. I pull some locks behind her ears so I can see her better. Her cheeks are red and they flush even more when she notices I'm staring at her, her lips partially open, red and swollen from our kisses, and she's breathing fast. Her top lets me see the beginning of her breasts and a few red marks around them, where I kissed her before. My eyes wander up and down, taking all her beauty, and the bulge in my pants is killing me now.

"Your eyes… they are so dark," she whispers, touching my face. I close my eyes and remember that I have to calm down, that this particular thing is in her fear landscape. My face must be a predator's one: dark and hungry, but she's so damn perfect, beautiful, and hot.

"It's… desire, Tris," I say, "lust." Just then I realize what I said and I want to kick myself. _Yeah, perfect, go and tell your girlfriend, who has intimate issues, that you want to fuck her. Go, just do it! Idiot!. _But when I open my eyes, she's not looking scared, but… pleased?

"You desire me?" she asks whispering and with an incredulous voice. Is she actually asking me that? After what happened on the train, what happened in her room? After seeing the way I look at her? Why can't she see how freaking hot she is? She might not be all curvy and tan like other girls, but she's a thousand times more beautiful than any of them: she's natural, she's herself. Beautiful could never fit her.

"What do you think?"

"I've… I've just never thought about myself as desirable or sexy. I know how I look; I don't really understand how you can feel about me in that way."

My face must be priceless,

"You sure you got Erudite? Because that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Oh, well, maybe I shouldn't have said that, not very kind of me, but I couldn't help myself.

A grin appears on her face. I've just insulted her and she smiles? God, Tobias, it seems you're in love with a crazy woman.

"Can't be nice for too long, can you?"

I chuckle.

"Not really."

She rolls over me and I feel coldness, so I put my arm around her body, bringing her closer to me, breathing in her hair.

"Good thing I prefer you that way," she says. "Do you think they'll say anything if I sleep here?" she asks, and I smile

"You know? I don't really care," I answer, quoting her words to me when she kissed me after initiation. Her smile is the last thing I remember before falling asleep.

* * *

_So? What did you think? Thanks for reading, and I'll try to update back next Thursday. I can't promise I'll do it on Monday or Tuesday because I'll be studying like a crazy woman Argentinean History, but after that I'll try to update!_

_Thanks soooo much and please don't forget to leave reviews!_

_Vanesa._


	9. Chapter 9

_Hello! How are all of you? I have to say I'm soo sorry that this took so long, but finally I finished with my exams (I passed Argentinean history! I'm so happy I could eat all dauntless cake!... oh, wait, I can do that anyway) and I'll try to write at least twice or three times a week._

_Thanks to thebigdog2895, who is kind of my beta reader! And to all of you for leaving reviews! Please leave me your review, they really encourage me! Even if it says: liked it, or totally shit! Hahaha_

_Enjoy it!_

* * *

**_Andrew_**

When I wake up next morning I look at the timetable Amity gave me. Nat has been improving considerably and it was recommended for her to take walks and get fresh air, so they assigned her to help in the orchards. I insisted on her staying and recovering, but she said that it wouldn't be very Abnegation of her if she didn't help. I, on the other hand, was assigned to help at the kitchen.

As I enter it, I see that Tobias and a bunch of Abnegation are there too. You can tell where they are from by the way they move and act: cordial, but slow, silent. They nod at me, our silent greeting, and I notice that they stay away from Tobias; most likely because they know that he's Dauntless. When I reach his side I do the same, nodding at him and he repeats my action.

Just yesterday I was absolutely mad at this… boy?… man?… whatever, that was trying to corrupt my innocent, little, pure girl; and to be truthful I still am mad; but after the talk we had, about him and Marcus… he's suffered enough. Beatrice and he seem to be happy together and certainly Natalie trying to convince me to let them be together has made me soft.

That doesn't mean that I don't want to punch him in his face and wipe off that idiotic little half smile he has on his face.

"Why so happy?" I can't help but ask. My words seem to have an effect on him because he immediately stops smiling and looks at me.

"emm… it's nothing… I'm just on good mood I suppose," he says awkwardly. Yeah, of course, we are in the middle of an imminent war, one which Erudite and your faction started and you have a smile. If that smile has something to do with my daughter….

Before I can continue with my thoughts and my imminent desire to punch Tobias "Four" Eaton in his face, someone speaks behind me and it's just then when I notice that Tobias is absolutely stiff, his face contorting into something between fear and anger.

"Good Morning," Marcus Eaton says behind me, solemnly, and all the Abnegations turn to their leader. Their eyes are looking at the floor, but their faces show the same expression: hope, belief in their leader. My eyes, my face might have looked just like that a few days before, when I actually thought of Marcus as my friend (although friends were not allowed in Abnegation), as a great man that had gone through a lot and survived it all with selflessness: losing his wife, his only child transferring to another faction, being left absolutely alone in this world.

Now, I can't seem to look at this man without feeling disgusted, betrayed and also embarrassed. How hadn't I noticed? I look back at Tobias and no longer feel anger or jealousy because he's with my daughter, my little and innocent Beatrice. The strong, Dauntless man that stands before me is there, but in my mind I see a child that I could have helped and an instinct inside me awakens, a feeling well known for me: a feeling of protection. When you have children, all you want to do is protect them, make sure nothing or no one bad or evil will come near them. After Caleb was born I thought I'd go mad, always checking on him at night, entering his bedroom just to see if he was breathing, wanting to be sure everything was alright. Although the same happened with Beatrice, Natalie and I were used to it, her being our second child, but the protective feeling that you have toward your children never truly goes away.

That's why feeling this way with Tobias surprises me. He's trying to corrupt and steal my little girl, why should I defend him? Protect him? And truly, deep down I know the answer: He's just almost three years older than Caleb. Maybe the identity that he took is one that makes him indestructible, fierce; but deep down he's the broken boy that I failed to realize that was only 4 houses away from mine and the man that I looked up to was putting him through hell. He hasn't told us what Marcus did to him, I suppose he beat him, but given the way that he reacts, how he stiffens, and how his face turns into fury and fear I can only imagine that it must have been worse, much worse.

Instinctively, I position myself between Marcus and Tobias, who now looks at me with confused eyes. I just give him a small smile, and although his look doesn't change I think I can see some relief in his eyes. Maybe this is why Natalie defends him so much, but truly I know that, for her, it must be a thousand times worse. Whenever she looks at him she may see herself, scared, between her parents' fights. I remember how, when we argued, she used to try to be in our bedroom or where our children couldn't see us. She didn't want them to experience what she had to go through.

Marcus starts speaking, saying that we shouldn't stay here when the city is in absolute chaos. He says that it'd be selfish of us, our friends and part of our faction being inside the fence. And although I hate to admit it, I know he's right, but I also know the real reason: Amanda's video.

Since the video was given to us, almost since the faction system started, Abnegation has protected it. It wasn't until a few years ago that we had decided to release it, encouraged by Marcus. That was when Erudite's attempts of hunting Divergents became stronger, not wanting them to spread and the gates being opened.

Before Natalie, when I truly couldn't understand what a Divergent was, just that they corrupted the system and that they couldn't be in one faction, I used to think the same, that they were dangerous. But 19 years ago I learned the truth and it all changed.

I believe that the gates should be opened, that we should go out, but I also know how much this terrifies Natalie. She says that I don't fully understand how living out there is for GD's, that Caleb and I would be treated like rubbish, that we could be killed for no reason and no one would care.

Abnegation, of course, agrees with Marcus, deciding that we must go back. I see that they are scared, but they think that they would be selfish if they don't; and after a life pretending that selfless was everything to me I understand them: They'd rather be dead than be selfish.

When everyone is out, except of course Tobias and I, Marcus walks towards him.

"Son," he says, and Tobias turns to look at him, rage all over his face.

"Don't call me that," he says between his teeth.

"But that's just what you are… my son and a Dauntless member," he says, "I'd like you to escort us back into the city."

Tobias looks at him with an incredulous face.

"Me? You'd like me to escort you? What have you done for me apart from being my sperm donator?"

"It's not just me Tobias, but also the rest of the Abnegations here. And not only you," he looks at me now and then back at his son "I'd also like Beatrice to come with us. You both are Dauntless, you know how to fight. We don't."

Tobias's face gets darker when he mentions my daughter's name. He walks up to him, staying just a few steps away from Marcus. He's tall, but Tobias is even taller. They look so much alike that no one could deny that they are related.

"First of all, her name's Tris. And you do not, hear me well, do not go anywhere near her, you hear me?" Tobias says at his father and I flinch at this, but not because of how he's threating him, but because my suspicions were confirmed: If he's so protective, it's not only because of the beating that was done to him, but also because he truly knows what Marcus hides in himself. What could have been done to him? Who is this Marcus, truly? I thought I knew him, and then…

I want to step between the two of them, send Tobias away, tell him to go and stay with Tris, Natalie, and Caleb. This protective feeling inside me rises, but I know that Tobias needs to handle this on his own. This is something between them, not me. That doesn't mean that I'm going anywhere, not wanting to leave him with this man.

Marcus's gaze darkens as he looks at him, now completely forgetting about me, and standing just in front of Tobias, their faces inches from each other's. Tobias's breathing increases and I can tell that he's afraid, but he's also angry. It'll be a matter of time to see which emotion wins inside him.

"Now you listen to me_, boy,"_ Marcus says roughly, and I swallow, because I've never seen him like this before. Is this the Marcus that he knows? "You will come with us," he continues, "you'll do as I say, you hear me? You're dauntless, right? Wanted to be Dauntless? Well, Dauntless are soldiers: be a good soldier and obey your superior," he finishes, and I can't say I'm too surprised at his words, because I'd imagined that there had to be something to make Tobias so afraid, I just never thought that Marcus would lose control with me being here.

Tobias's eyes show fear for a moment, such a brief one that I could think I imagined it. And that seems to make more sense when he grabs his father's shirt's collar. Just as I'm about to step between these two, an Amity man appears.

"Hey!" he says," please, come on, we said no fights here. What's the problem? There can't be any problem! Look what a wonderful day it is." It certainly is: sunshine skips through the large windows, but that doesn't mean that I can't notice that this is probably the worst moment to say something like that. Anyway, do they really have to be cheerful all the time? Serum makes them like that for sure, _but seriously_?

He steps between Father and Son. Tobias's gaze says that he wants to kill the poor Amity man, but he just storms out of the kitchen. I follow him.

"Tobias, wait," I say

He stops and quickly turns back

"What?" he growls

"You don't have to come," I say, "you and my daughter can stay in here and when you know what's become of your faction you could go to find them. Also… I wanted to tell you that I didn't step between you and Marcus because I thought it was something that you two had to solve." I don't really know why I added the last part, but something in me said that he needed to know that.

He just stares at me, not saying anything, but I can notice understanding in his eyes. Then, he walks into the dining room, going directly to where Beatrice, Caleb and Natalie are, surrounded by some Abnegations.

I notice Susan Black, our neighbor, among them. She had been one of the only children in Beatrice and Caleb's age to choose Abnegation. Her parents had been great friends with Natalie and I, as we both had close-age children. Susan, Beatrice, Caleb and Robert were practically the same age, going to school together, and I can't help but remember that I'd sometimes find them at home, Caleb helping them with their homework. Friends were considered self-indulgent, but I was really glad to see that my children could have something like friends. That was one great thing about having two children: they could always play together while growing up without anyone saying anything to them.

I can't help but notice how Caleb is sitting a bit too close to Susan and smiles slightly. I'd always known that he had a thing for her, but he's too much of an Abnegation to speak with her about that, or that was what I had thought. Maybe it was just that he knew that he'd leave Abnegation for Erudite and didn't want to hurt the poor girl.

Beatrice smiles at Tobias, but it drops out when she sees his face.

"What happened?" she asks him. Natalie looks at me with hard eyes, silently asking me if I had done anything. I just shake my head, muttering _"Marcus_." Her eyes get even darker and angrier at this.

"It's Amity, they don't seem to get that when you step into an argument, you just make it worse." Tobias answers my daughter's question. She looks behind him to the large door, where Marcus is now standing and nods at him.

"If we stay here any longer I'll punch someone and it won't be pretty," he says. Now almost everyone, Abnegation and Amity, is looking at him.

"Yes, you heard me!" he shouts. Beatrice stands up, her hand on her lips trying to cover up a smile. She takes Tobias's hand and sits him down next to her on the bench. I walk over to Natalie, silently checking her wound. It's almost healed, thanks to whatever Amity did for her.

Beatrice seems to calm Tobias, that's until Marcus appears and puts a hand on her right shoulder, the one that had been shot. I'm just about ready to jump at him, but Tobias winks at me.

"She was shot in that shoulder," he says sharply, and Abnegation looks at him. Marcus retires his hand from her.

"I need to speak with you," he says

"What do you want?" she growls,

Susan flinches "Beatrice, there's no need to…" she starts, but Caleb stops her.

"Susan please," he says, and she just presses her lips together, shutting up.

Marcus tells Beatrice about his plan of leaving the city. Her eyes look all over him and finally suspiciously at his eyes. For a moment, I think she might know something, or at least suspect it, but how could she? After silently asking Tobias, he answers,

"I think it'd be the best if we leave in two days." Tris agrees with him and Marcus thanks them, sitting on the other side of the table. Good.

"So, what were you talking about?" I ask Caleb and Beatrice, resting my hands over Nat's shoulders. I know it's horrible, but somehow I feel so… whole, happy, that my beautiful family is all here: My wife, my son, my daughter…. And well, Tobias. What can I do, it seems I'll have to deal with him as a part of Tris. (_A/N: I copied that part from Hazel's father in TFIOS, hahhah)_

"Oh, nothing, you know, typical sibling stuff, like your brother trying to analyze how your brain works," Beatrice answers witty. Always the same.

"Did you know that her simulation test picked up 3 factions?" he asks, his eyes big and full of life. It's so weird to see how his face lights up with Erudite's curiosity. Curiosity. I know it's inside me, but I try so hard to bury it.

I look at Natalie: 3 factions, that's even a surprise for what they call a "Genetically pure". Nat's eyes show the same preoccupation as mine.

Caleb looks at Tobias

"Is it true that she could break the glass of her fear landscape's water tank?" Tobias looks at her a bit upset, why, I can't really place. Maybe he's afraid that it wouldn't be safe for her? But Caleb is her brother, and he wouldn't harm her, even if he deserted for Erudite, he came back.

"Yes, she did, and scared the hell out of me. I couldn't believe it. I thought I had seen bad or hurt my head. I knew what it meant," he says, emphasizing the last part and we nod slightly. It'd meant that she was Divergent. "But I hadn't seen that in anyone before. I was worried they'd figure it out, so I helped her."

"How?" Natalie asks. Tobias's eyes meet Beatrice's, I think asking for permission, before he continues.

"I took her through my fear landscape, teaching her how to get over her fears in a Dauntless way."

Getting her into his fear landscape? Can that even be done? We continue chat-talking, about Caleb's training in Erudite, about what had happened back in Abnegation (but, of course, we omitted everything about the video), and me trying my best to ignore Beatrice and Tobias's hands together, one of his around her shoulders. What I can't help but notice is how Beatrice's eyes are fixed on Marcus.

Does she know something? Does she know what we have? Or is she just staring at him because of what happened between her boyfriend and that man?

Marcus gets up some minutes later and goes out of the cafeteria. We continue speaking lowly and eating, but after some minutes Beatrice excuses herself and walks out, saying she'll get some air out in the orchards.

Natalie looks at me, silently asking what I feared: does she know anything? I shake my head, but truly I'm not so sure.

After a relatively short time, Tobias also excuses himself and gets out. It could just be that he's in a community table with a bunch of Abnegation and her girlfriend's parents and brother, making the situation uncomfortable, but somehow it doesn't feel like that, somehow it feels like he's following someone. Following Beatrice.

* * *

_Sooo what did you think? Hope you liked it! Next chapter there'll be more FourTris, promised!_

_Besos para todos!(kisses for everyone!)_

_Vanesa_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello! How are you? So here's chapter 10! Like I said I'm going to try to update often, but really I can't assure you anything! Today Argentina plays and I'm super excited about it! It's the first time in 25 years that we get to the semi-finals and I was crying the other day! Well, hope you like this chapter and please leave me your review, critic, PM or whatever, I'd really like to know what you think about this_

_This chapter was been checked by __**thebigdog2895**_

**_bankhead56: thanks for your review! As a matter of a fact, yes I am a communication student, here in Argentina when we study this career we have to take courses in creative writing and things like that, so my career helps me a lot about developing my writing skills! Thanks so much!_**

**_Dark Alana: thanks for your support! It's so nice to see that you still read my fic! Hope you like this chapter!_**

**_Guest: hahahah yes they are! Like I said to another reviewer, I based a bit Andrew in my own dad hahaha_**

**_Infandomswetrust: thanks for your review! I also love the Priors!_**

**_DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING BELONGS TO VERNICA ROTH, IF I HAD OWNED IT TRIS WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED VANESA AND THE EXPERIMENT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN BUENOS AIRES RATHER THAN CHICAGO! _****_J_**

**Tobias**

I walk down the hall, following where I saw Tris going from the windows.

_The orchards_ she said, but I noticed how she looked at my father all the time, following his movements. It makes me angry to see that she hasn't trusted me to tell me the truth, and even angrier that she followed him. He could hurt her, he could hit her, he could…

I shake my head, trying to get those thoughts away from my mind.

No, she's strong, brave. He'll do nothing to her.

I don't really know where she went, so I just try to imagine where she could be. That's when a figure calls my attention, near the water fountain.

Peter

He's hidden between two big walls, like he doesn't want to be discovered. I get closer, also not wanting him to notice me. I hate this boy so much; I have hated him ever since initiation started because I could see Eric in him. That's when I hear two voices, two voices I could recognize anywhere but for really different reasons: Marcus and Tris. I could always recognize his because his is the one that had tormented me all my life, and hers because it's the one that got me out of the fucking simulation, the one voice that can bring heat and quietness to my heart, love and adoration, weakness and strength, preoccupation and certainty. It's the only voice in the world that can make me feel things I've never felt before.

And what freezes me is that Marcus's voice has the same pitch, like the one he used to use with me, like the one he talked to me with today back in the kitchen.

I can't hear what they are saying, but I can notice that they are arguing.

"…Tobias's right, you know? You're nothing more than arrogant and filthy scum," Tris says and I freeze.

My whole being is divided in two: one part wants to yell at her, shake her until she understands what she has done. She's uncovering my secrets, letting him know my weakness by telling him how much he influenced on me.

The other part want to punch Marcus in his face, lift her up and take her somewhere safe, away from him. And this thought surprises me the most, because before Tris, I had never thought (I never could) stand up to Marcus.

It hadn't matter how trained, strong, or fearless everyone wanted to make me look; I just couldn't stand up to him. Not until her, not until I had something to do it for. Now, when I think about facing Marcus, I can sense desperation, fear. and rage trapping me, but this… protective feeling, this thing inside me that says he won't ruin me anymore is stronger. And it's not that I don't want him to ruin me for myself, but for Tris. I want to be a whole person for her, not broken, she doesn't deserve that.

"Did he say that?" Marcus asks.

"He doesn't even waste his time mentioning you, he doesn't care. You're less than shit for him and everyday you become less and less. Tell me, because I don't really get it: How can someone be so stupid as to beat his own son that way? Make yourself be hated? You lost him and I feel bad for you. You lost an incredible man that you'll never get to know."

After that she walks away and I'm shocked. Certainly her saying that I didn't even bother to speak about him didn't make me weak, it made me strong.

But, at this moment, that doesn't matter to me, what shocked me was all those amazing things she said about me. Does she really see me like that? All I can think about is how I don't want to be like Marcus and mistreat Tris, cause her any pain. I'm terrified I can become the monster he is to me in my mind, and there she goes saying I'm incredible.

I have to be, I have to be incredible, for her. I have to be strong, and although I still believe that even if I can face my fears in a simulation, facing them in reality is unbearable, I have to do it. For Tris.

When I'm sure she's not there I get out of my hiding spot and walk towards Marcus, who's facing the water and not paying attention.

When I'm close to him the sudden wave of bravery that had made me come up to him washes away and I again feel as if I'm ten years old, scared and broken. He hasn't noticed me and that's the only good thing, that's what prepares me for what's going to come next.

I grab him by his back and rudely push him into the wall, my arms not letting go.

"Listen to me carefully, _Marcus_," I say, hissing his name, using my best fearing voice, that one that Tris calls Four's voice, "I don't know what you were talking about and don't truly even care, but I know that if she was speaking to you like that it is because the real you came out." I can sense his breathing increasing and sweating. I press harder, "If you ever, ever,_ ever_ speak to her like that again, if you ever put a hand or hurt her, fuck even if you even speak to her, there won't be any Abnegation title that could save you. I'll hunt you down and kill you. We clear?" I finish, letting him go now and stepping a bit back.

I'd be lying if I say my body is not shaking in fear. Fear that he'll take it back now, take his belt and whip me. I've hidden all the marks that he left, or at least the majority of them, with tattoos. That's why my back is full of them, but even under them, and even in the little parts where it's not covered, you can see those lashes, lashes that I know will be there forever.

He composes himself and then looks at me, his eyes full of anger, hate, and even what I think is disappointment.

"You won't," he says, getting closer to me. I know I could take him down in seconds, but flinch anyway. Fear does not understand weights, force, or strange. Fear does not understand reasons or logic, because it's just fear. It's illogical, like Christina and her fear of moths, or Will and his fear for unicorns. My fear is my father, my fear is what he did to me, my fear is him, but now it makes no sense. I could just stand up and hit him, but it's him, and that's what terrifies me.

"Now you listen to me_, boy_," I flinch at this word, the one he used to use towards me, "be careful, because you know you would never hurt me. Not now, not ever"

He goes away, his eyes, those deep blue eyes exactly like mine never leaving mines. I now he's right, but I feel satisfied when I notice his body's still shaking.

* * *

The fight with Marcus left me on my toes all day, remembering his words and trying to find a meaning for them. After all this time, after four years of not seeing him, after becoming Dauntless, becoming Four, Eric, trainings, meeting Tris, stopping a simulation, and now facing a war, it annoys me and makes me angry with myself that I can't fully get over this fear of him, that I can't truly face him.

I wonder how my fear landscape looks now. Of course Marcus will be there, I suppose that, but will it be the same?

After dinner, in which surprisingly I don't see Tris, I go to have a shower and then I go to my room. I really need to speak with her, and consider going to her bedroom, but resist it, taking that if she hasn't come to me it is because she must be busy with her parents or brother, or she's also as shocked as I am, trying to process everything. I don't want to be one of those needy boyfriends that stick to their girls all day, not giving them space because I know Tris would hate that.

Plopping on the bed, I close my eyes, finally falling asleep.

* * *

The first thing I notice when I wake up is how dark the room is, the only light coming from the moon through the window, and it makes me shiver. The second thing is a gentle weight on the bed's other side.

I turn around and find Tris there, lying on one side, wearing a t-shirt and long trousers which are too big for her. Her eyes can almost spark light in this dark place and I smile. She smiles back at me and caresses my face with her hand.

"Hey," I say,

"Hey," she answers back.

I grab her by her waist, expecting her to reject me, but she just smiles bigger and gets closer to me, half of her now over my chest, her legs over mine. I can feel heat radiating through her body, her hands on my chest, and she kisses my chin. I sigh

"Do you like this…? How this feels?" she asks, and I just nod.

She just comes closer, pulling herself over me, and starts kissing my collarbone, then my chest, unbuttoning my shirt.

"Tris…" I warn her. _You need to speak with her about what you heard Tobias, not heat it up with her! Stop this now!_

"Shh…" she says, "I know you saw me speaking with him, we'll speak about that later, but you're just so handsome. Let's not worry about anything now, okay?"

I gulp and look at her. Her hair is falling all over her face, her eyes with a look I've never seen before.

"Okay," I answer back.

She continues kissing, and I just can't stand here and do nothing, so I start touching her. My hands travel to her hips, pulling her up a bit so that she's sitting on my lap. I know she can notice my erection, but she just smiles at it.

"Mmm…." she says and, with her hands on my chest and her eyes closed, she moans, "I love it, I love feeling you Tobias."

Fuck, she's making me go nuts. My name coming out from her lips is the best thing ever, and this vision of Tris over me, riding me like a goddess, is too much.

I want to feel her; I want to give her pleasure.

Slowly my hands start rising up, taking her t-shirt with it. I expect her to stop me, but she doesn't. She just smiles at this, her eyes still closed. So, finally, I reach her breasts and take her shirt off.

Beautiful is no way of describing her. There are no words at all for this.

Her upper body is small, just like all of her, and breathtaking. Tris laughs slightly.

"Remember to breathe Tobias," she says, and I breathe deeply. Fuck, I had seriously forgotten to do that, my lungs asking for air. She laughs again. "Seeing something you like?" she asks and I chuckle. What the hell happened with the shy, Abnegation Tris? This is not how she usually acts, but having her on top of me, her body half naked doesn't let me think straight.

I look at her breasts, which are small, round and tight. They are covered by a tiny bra and I want to take it off and touch them, but don't really know how to do it, or if she'll like that. I think she can see my hesitation, because boldly she takes my right hand and puts it on her breasts.

"Touch them, touch me, Tobias," she moans, "I love it, love when you touch me, it feels like fireworks."

_Fuck, fuck, shit_… I want to do this so much, and at the same time I'm terrified. How deep does she want to take this? Does she want to… _No, of course not, idiot! You have to behave!_ Oh, fuck, I don't think I can control myself if this continues. But I want so much to take this further, so I press my hands to her breasts, and she moans louder. Slowly, I take off her bra, throwing it away, and when I see her boobs without anything covering them, I can't look away, I can't breathe, I can't do anything.

She's just so beautiful…so her.

And that's when I notice… she took my hand with her right arm. The one that had been shot.

"Your arm… you grabbed my hand with your right arm, how? Doesn't it hurt?" I ask and she smiles

"This demonstrates why you weren't chosen for Erudite, doesn't it?" she says, "You ate bread Tobias,"

I don't know what she's referring to, I ate bread? But I notice how her voice doesn't sound quite right, how she can move her arm…

Tris hasn't stopped kissing me, her lips on my chest, her hands on my back tracing the tattoos as she always does.

"Is this a dream?" I ask her, and she smirks looking at me.

"Something like that… yes, it's a dream, it's _your_ dream. What naughty ones you have, Tobias," she says looking at my eyes, biting her lips. Disappointment fills me, but then… if this is a dream, my dream, can't I enjoy it? I just want her so much, I love her so much and I don't want to scare her…

"This is your dream Tobias, enjoy it," she says and kisses me again, and I close my eyes in pleasure. If this is a dream why does it feel so real? I've had dreams about her before, and they don't feel so close, so real. Every fucking detail is here, her breath too close to me. How can this feel so good?

Her hands look for my trousers and start unzipping them

"Shh…don't think about it, just go along with this." Her lips look for mine and I kiss her, roughly, switching places so that I'm on top. My jeans fall off to my knees and I quickly get them off, now only covered by my boxers.

I kiss down her neck, her collarbone and then when I reach her breasts I look at her. She gives me a slight nod, smiling, and I take one of her nipples with my mouth. Her breasts are small and my mouth so big that it enters almost completely into it.

Tris (or my vision Tris?) moans, one of her hands on my hair, playing with it.

"Yes, like that, please, Tobias, I need more," she moans. All I can feel is fire, fire inside me, fire in my inner thighs killing me and at the same time making me alive. All I can feel is Tris, her body, her moans and screams and growls, her hands and her breast in my mouth.

How can this not be real? It feels so real, so close, so…tangible

Tris's hand travels to my crotch and slips inside my boxers, taking me. I stop and gasp, because I couldn't have expected that. It was such a bold movement. I look right through her eyes.

"I need you, Tobias. Please, I need you. I'm ready," she says, and I freeze.

Minutes ago all I could think about was her, her and her. Now, I think I'll panic. How do I do this? I don't know how to, I don't know how to make her feel right, make her feel pleasure. I don't want to hurt her, and at the same time every cell, every fiber in my body asks, screams for this.

"It's ok, I want this," she says again, smiling. "Don't you want this?" she asks, now almost a pleading, "am I not good enough?"

I shake my head, because I really don't want her to think that she's not good enough. She is. She's so damn good that she's the only one that I had let enter into my life, the only one that could make me shiver with just a touch.

"I don't want to hurt you," I tell her, and she just smiles.

"You won't," Then I get what she's trying to say: I won't hurt her because this is a dream. It's in my head; I won't hurt her because I don't want to.

I unbutton her jeans, taking them along with her underwear and when a completely bare Tris is in front of me I can't breathe anymore. Tris quickly gets off my boxers, and there we stand: both of us, completely naked.

Slowly, I thrust into her, and the feeling is too overwhelming. This feels like nothing I've ever experienced before. This feels great, Elysium. This feels as if she's made for me and I'm made for her. She's extremely tight, her body embracing me, connecting with my body.

I don't even notice when I start moving inside her, thrusting in and out, and I try to look at her. I know, somehow, that she's smiling; calling my name… but it all feels so… lost, away. And it feels real at the same time.

"mmm… Tobias, please don't go, I need more!" I can hear her scream (_can I? I don't even seem to remember)_

Tris starts to feel more distant, far away from me. And then there's nothing, just black.

I wake up and realize that I'm back in my room; Tris is not here, just me. An extremely aroused me, in bed alone. I feel dizzy, a bit dazed, but somehow I know it's not because of the dream I just had.

_Wow. It was a really weird dream._

This has not been the first time I have had a sexual dream about her. After all those hours training, I couldn't help but think about her, dream about her. It was such a nightmare to be so close, so near and not being able to touch her, feel her, tell her how much I liked her.

I look down at me.

Damn it, that fucking dream had been too much. Looking at the small clock, I see that it's 3:15 am. I know I won't get any sleep unless I release myself and… well, can I actually say I don't want to?

My hand travels to my pants, slipping through my underwear and I grab my erection. I try to think how she would do it: she'd be soft, easy at the beginning because she has never done this before. After all that has happened in this past month, after all the times that I had to hide how much I wanted her, after all the things that have happened since we ran from Dauntless, I really can't take this anymore. I need her, I need her so much, but I'd never do anything that she didn't want to. And I know fucking well that I'd never do it with any other girl apart from her, that for sure.

So my mind starts filling with images of her, how her lips on my chest, on my back had felt. How daunted she had been, her hands on my crotch and mine over her body.

Tris, Tris, Tris… that's the only thought in my mind. That dream coming to my mind, that one particularly strong dream. My touch becomes faster, stronger, more desperate, as I imagine her on me, making this.

"Tris… oh, Tris," I don't even notice when her name escapes from my lips and don't really care. It's just when I feel a warm hand over mine that I open my eyes and try to stop my movements. What the hell? Has someone entered in my room? Why haven't I seen it? Shame fills me, shame that someone caught me doing this, and when I look up I see Tris's hungry eyes looking back at me.

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_SO? Extremely bad? Really good? I have to say this is the first time I write a lemon (or kind of?) what did you think? Did you realize it was a "dream" before Tobias? Hahah and you'll have to wait to see what Tris does and thinks about finding her boyfriend in this situation!_

_Cheers! _


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello! First of all I want to thank you all guys for the amazing reviews I've been receiving. They are just awesome! I got so excited at them, and here are some replays:_

_DARK ALANA: hahah yep, awkward! Here's what happened!_

_Karalynn79: Andrew is really one of my favorite characters in Divergent, and I was so sorry that we couldn't get more of him_

_UDEMENTIUM: hahaha yeah I kind of love cliffhangers. When I first wrote this chapter I hadn't written that part of "dream Tris", but then the idea came to my mind… when you get high and then you go to sleep, you usually have these weird dreams that feel too real. Tobias ate Amity bread, what happened if he got high and dreamt about Tris? _

_NEPTOR and GUEST: Yeah, I've been planning a Natalie and Andrew lemon. For me it's not weird really, I think it would be completely normal: they are together, they love each other, they have been together for years and having sex with someone you love is amazing. The only thing is that I don't really think they will be having sex in the middle of a war, I imagine that if they make it would be more romantic than passionate, because they don't have all the hormones like Tobias and Tris. Tobias and Tris are so passionate because they are teenagers, pressure making them act like grownups but they really aren't. Anyway, there will be a Nat/Andrew Lemon, but in a few chapters._

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**Tris**

What I see when I enter into Tobias' room leaves me stunned.

I had come because of the terrible nightmares which haunted me at night. This one, the feeling of a terrible monster attacking me, and with Will's death on my shoulders, it was all too much. I couldn't cope with them, I needed Tobias's safe and protective arms around me, I needed his kisses and his scent to calm me down, I needed that as much as I needed my parents telling me that everything was alright when I was a child, but when I open that door, all I see is a really turned on Tobias with his hand inside his pants, masturbating.

This is the first time I've seen a man doing this, but not the first time I've heard it.

When I was around fourteen, on a stormy night in which I couldn't sleep, I had gotten up to go to the bathroom when I passed in front of Caleb's door and heard moans coming from it. Pleasure moans. I had immediately returned to my room and the next day I couldn't even bear to look at him. My parents and he probably had thought that I was trying to be Abnegation and not look at people's faces. Masturbation was considered the worst selfish act: giving pleasure to yourself. It was taboo and my perfect selfless brother was doing it. But, even thinking about that, the mere thought of that disgusted me, and I couldn't really say why.

On the shy hand, seeing Tobias so…lost and vulnerable, excited me and made me hungry…but in a different way, a way I couldn't quite place. '_Horny, girl, it makes you horny_' a voice that sounds too much like Christina's says inside me. I watch him touching himself, his eyes closed and his lips mumbling something. I really don't know what to do, and when my name escapes from his lips, it's too much for me. I climb up into his bed and quietly put my left hand over his.

When he sees me, he blushes deeply and quickly removes his hand, stopping what he was doing. I smile. It's so weird to see him so embarrassed and shy.

"I'm here," I tell him. He doesn't understand at the beginning. I meant that I was here because he was calling my name. Taking advantage of this distraction, I place my legs on each side of him so that he's between my legs and I notice how he's staring at me… or better said, devouring me with his eyes. It's just now when I realize that I was so scared that I hadn't bothered to put some shorts or jeans on, the only piece of cloth apart from my panties being a long t-shirt Amity had given me, which covers only until the middle of my thighs. I feel fear starting to rise up inside me, so I shut my eyes and try to forget about it, concentrating on how turned on he is.

I look at his eyes and he looks back at me.

"Tris, I…." he starts, but I cut him off

"Shh… It's ok," I tell him. I can't help but look at him. He fell asleep with his clothes still on, but his jeans are obviously open and his boxers are down a bit, where his erection comes out, hard, huge, and strong. I have never seen a man's penis before, but I really don't think that they should be as big as Tobias's. I try not to look too much because I can feel shame and shyness, and when I look up; I see that Tobias is looking at me. Boldly, I grab his erection with my left hand again and he closes his eyes, his head falling back a bit.

"What were you thinking about?" I ask him, and I'm truly curious. What do they think when they do this? If he was thinking of some girl… could I handle that?

"You," he answers immediately and then curses, like if he shouldn't have said that. Probably he's afraid of frightening me.

"What was I doing?" I ask and he doesn't answer, so I just stare at him, and tighten my grip, "Tobias…" I warn him

"You were touching me," he says. I don't want to admit that I've got no idea how to do this, so I just say: "How was I doing it?"

Now it's his time to stare at me and, slowly, he places his own hand over mine, helping me to make my grip stronger, guiding my hand to go up and down

"Like this," he says and slowly I start working on a rhythm with him as my guide. In a moment it seems like it's too much for him because his hands leave mine and he places them on my hips, squeezing them and groaning my name.

"Tris… fuck Tris, I like this," he growls and it makes me hotter and aroused, fire traveling all through my body until it's placed somewhere between my inner thighs. I don't know how I notice this, but I need… to be touched, like if something _inside me_ needs to be touched. I start stroking my crotch in one of his big, muscular thighs, desperately looking for some friction but then I realize what I'm doing… and stop. It's wrong, I shouldn't be doing that.

"Don't" he says, and one of his hands travels from my hip to under my thigh, touching it, caressing it. I have to focus on not stopping my movements as his hand is now slipping under my t-shirt, fear and desire rising up almost equally inside me. What if he wants to take my shirt? What if he doesn't like what he sees? I look back at him and notice for the thousandth time how freaking handsome he is, and remember how plain and ordinary I am. Well, he doesn't take my shirt off, but boldly, he puts his right hand over my panties, his big hand covering all of my intimate part and I moan loud, not being able to control myself. Shame fills me when I notice the horrible noise that I must have just made, but Tobias is just smiling

"You like this…" It's not a question; it's more of a revelation to him. He starts stroking me over my underwear and a part of me thanks him for taking this slow, but the other part wants him to just take my panties off and touch me with nothing on. My left arm starts feeling numb, and suddenly I realize that without Tobias's help it's pretty difficult to grope him with just my left hand. I want him to be lost in desire, desire that I cause. I want him to be screaming my name, being as shaky and breathless as I am when he kisses or touches me.

I pull away from his hands and take mine away from his crotch. Tobias looks at me confused, pleading, and afraid, I suppose afraid that I might have gotten scared. But fear is not even on my thoughts at this moment, desire and lust clouding my mind. I look at him, admiring his handsome body and face.

He's still wearing his shirt, although his trousers got lost somehow and the only piece of cloth underneath is his boxers, which are around his thighs.

"Take off your shirt," I tell him, trying to sound convinced and secure. He looks at me and then shakes a little.

"No, you do it" he answers. This is when I realize how it's always me. I'm the one that takes the first step when it comes to…this, to being intimate. It's as if he's too afraid that I'll break or something.

With my left hand I start unbuttoning his shirt, button by button, and then start kissing the skin that it revels. Tobias's chest is priceless: strong, hard, and manly, but not in a frightening way. He's got abs, but they aren't disgusting and too worked out. They are perfect, he is perfect.

When I finally finish with it, I take his shirt away, kissing the skin just above his hipbone, and he roughly grabs me by my waist, crashing his lips with mine in a demanding kiss. His mouth tastes like strawberries, so I guess he ate them before going to bed, and his kiss ignites something inside me, something forbidden. When out crotches touch, his hardness, with nothing to cover it, and my mound just covered by my panties, we both moan and growl.

"Hell Tris, you're going to be my death," he says and I smile. I break apart from his lips and boldly take off his boxers without even thinking. If I think this is too much it'll never happen

"Tris…" he says, but I shut him up by putting two fingers in his mouth, indicating him not to speak.

"Stand up, Tobias," I tell him. I know what I want to do, I know how to give him pleasure and make him lose his mind. I just hope I'm Dauntless enough to make it.

He looks at me confused, but does as I say, standing just next to the bed. I also relocate myself so that I can be facing him, enjoying the view he's offering me, almost not believing he can be real.

The man in front of me is something taken from another world. His face is perfection, strong, fierce and handsome, with those beautiful dark blue eyes, long lashes and dark brown hair. His nose long and slightly hooked, but that doesn't matter at all. I love those parts of him also, those parts of him that make Tobias himself. His lips are so… desirable, kissable. My gaze travels down his strong and big neck and collarbone, where the tattoos start peaking out, those tattoos that I love so much, those tattoos that represent _who and what_ he truly is and that I know that I have only seen.

His chest is simply magnificent, with the tattoos coming from his sides making him more dangerous and hotter. God, how can I have this man as my boyfriend? But it's when my gaze reaches his hips and legs that I can't breathe any longer. I had noticed he was big when I took him with my hand, but I hadn't noticed how long he really was. There's dark hair surrounding that area, in the upper part, and also covering his legs, which are long, strong, and muscular.

I look up at him and notice how he is also undressing me with his gaze. Our eyes lock on each other and, without looking away; I place myself on my knees in front of him, pulling my arms around his hips, trying to ignore the pain in my right one.

He looks at me, confused, but then realizes what I'm going to do.

"Tris… you don't have to… it's not necessary… FUCK!"I don't let him finish (mostly because I know I'll lose it if I start thinking about it), taking his length with my mouth. He curses when I do it, but this time I don't get frightened, this time I know it's because he likes it. I could almost laugh at his mumblings; I can only understand his occasional curses.

"Oh Tris… fuck it feels so good…" he mumbles and takes my hair with his hands, putting it aside. I can notice his eyes lock on me, intimidating. I stop for a moment.

"Are you going to watch me doing this?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he says lowly and shaky. I think he's so turned on he can't even talk. I'd be lying if I said I'm not embarrassed at the thought of Tobias watching me do this, but the way he's acting and speaking encourages me, and I go back to what I was doing. He curses again and I love it. I absolutely love this side of him that I've never seen before; it's just so… wild.

How can this man make me feel like this? How can someone make you feel aroused, passionate, shy and bold at the same time? How can someone make you forget your fears and, at the same time, you know that those fears are still there, haunting you? His hands, which were loose in my hair, are now stronger and suddenly he rocks his hips roughly, making me choke out so much of him inside me. I look at him. He still has his eyes closed,

"I'm sorry, sorry," he says, apologetic, but also distracted, "I couldn't help myself," he puts his hands in his own hair now, pulling his hair as I continue. A certain liquid starts releasing, really small, just drops, inside my mouth. They are salty, not really disgusting at all. Tobias's mumbles and growls start getting louder and more often, his eyes never leaving what I'm doing and after some time I feel how his body starts getting tense, his hands over my shoulders, trying to make me stop.

"Oh no, Tris, stop, I'm going to… "He begins, but I just look at him, determined, and start sucking him faster and harder. I know what's going to happen, but I don't stop. I want to make him scream, I want to see the mighty, serious, unbreakable Four surrender to me.

"Tris… I can't… I can't control this." I continue even faster. My hands already were on the part of his length which my mouth couldn't cover, but I start to touch his scrotum too, and he growls louder. "Oh, God, Tris! You can't be so good at this!" Ha-ha seems I am pretty good. Good thing he'll be the only one enjoying this from me. He tries to control the situation for a minute longer or so, but in the end he can't fight it and finishes in my mouth, his semen filling it. I must admit that it doesn't taste so bad. It's as salty as the few drops that had dropped before, just stronger, but the texture is…awful. It's sticky, like mucus, and quite more than what I had expected, so a bit of it slips through my mouth and onto my cheeks. However, the satisfaction of having him pleading, not being able to control himself is too much, and I'd do it again without thinking.

I hear him plop onto the bed, his breathing fast. When I'm back on my feet with my face cleaned I can see how his chest is rapidly going up and down, his face with the biggest smile I've ever seen and one arm over his eyes. The view he's giving me is too breathtaking, and I notice for the first time how aroused I am, how sticky and wet I'm between my thighs.

Tobias lifts up his arm, straightening and shaking his head. I look at him, confused, until he grabs me by my waist, making me fall on bed with him,

"You (kiss) Are (kiss) Incredible (kiss)" he says, making me smile, "did you really swallow all of that?" he asks

"Does it bother you?" _What is there some kind of code or something like that?_

"No! It was…sexy…I just couldn't control myself and that's what bothers me."

"Well, it's so amazing seeing you losing control, and just because of a _tiny little girl_ and her tongue." I say, the most innocent way I can and his eyes darken again, blue almost out of the picture. He throws himself over me again, kissing me passionately, but slowly. God, I just want him to continue.

"Let me make you feel what I felt," he pleads and I can feel fear rising up.

I'm not good enough for him, never will be, but I nod either way. Tobias starts by touching my ankle, raising his hand slowly over my calf, until it's on my knee. His eyes are locked with mine as he does the same with his other hand, holding all his weight just on his legs.

With both his hands he touches my thighs and all I can think is that, although they are more muscular and stronger than before I became Dauntless, they are still tiny and shaky. Anyway, that thought is immediately forgotten when he reaches the big t-shirt, putting his hands under it, his hands dangerously near my center and desire is so strong, so wild. I need him to touch me.

But, instead, he lowers his hands, grabbing the t-shirt and lifting it up over my legs around the middle of my stomach. Desire is gone, fear, shame, and embarrassment stronger than ever. I can't let him see me, I just can't.

I don't even give him time to realize what's happening before jumping out of bed and his face contorts in hurt and, also, fear. I can't even start to imagine how I must look like. I've disappointed him, I know I have. I've let fear control me.

"Tris…" He starts, but I cut him.

"No, I'm sorry, I just can't do this. So sorry," I mumble and run outside the room, closing the door behind me.

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_Hahah ,yeah another cliffhanger. As you may have noticed I love those. I know that last chapter and this one were almost just FourTris and lemons, but don't worry: the story will continue. As I said in the first chapter, this is a story with a plot, not just a lemony story, but I needed a few chapter just for these two so I could develop their romance a bit more._

_Please leave review! Cheers!_

_Vanesa_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello my lovely readers! How are you? So, here's chapter 12. I must tell you that this has been up to know the longest story I've written. When I started writing it I really didn't know how many chapters it was going to be, and I think it will be around 45 or 50 chapters. Sorry for the delay, I'll try to write more often. On my defense, I was a bit down because Argentina lost the world cup ( __L__) and I have started preparing the final exams of some subjects._

_So, here are some replays to some amazing reviews I received!_

_UDEMENTIUM: hahah thanks for the review! We'll see how their relationship develops __J__and yes! I'm trying my hard to explain my view on her intimacy fear! _

_DARK ALANA: hahaha your review made me laugh. I have a theory on Tris' intimacy fear, which I'm trying to write on this fic. In this chapter it says a bit more about it!_

_ELISABETH: thanks! Hope you like this chapter then!_

_Vanessa_

* * *

**Tobias**

_You're an idiot. You're an idiot. No, more than an idiot, you're a stupid bastard who only thought of yourself, and on what you wanted. Did you really have to touch her? She's only sixteen, Abnegation-born, she's been taught all her life that intimacy is just to procreate and you tried to take her shirt? You big idiot…_

I sigh, my conscious is killing me, but I'm so angry, not at Tris, but with me. She told me she wanted to take this slow back when we kissed for the first time and then in the moment she appeared by the door, watching me touch myself… saying I was embarrassed is short. And then, she did what she did and well… I let myself go. All the things that have been happening got in my head, and I just wanted more, more of her, more of us, more of what we were doing.

I knew she wasn't ready. Really, I don't even know if _I'm_ ready. I mean, I want it, I really do, every part of my body wants it, but what if I'm too bad at it? What if I hurt her? What if, being young and inexperienced causes me to finish too soon or even before I can be inside her? I don't really want to shame myself, and I know that kind of thing happens.

And then, I tried to take off her shirt and she panicked. When I told her I wanted to make her feel what I had felt I meant just touching and kissing her, but I guess she thought I wanted to take it further, that I wanted more.

_"__Idiot"_ the voice inside me repeats and I close my eyes as if it had really happened, because the pain is real. What hurts me, haunts me, is the look in her eyes. I had seen it before, in Evelyn.

Marcus used to beat her up, and sometimes when he got a bit too drunk he used to rape her, force her into doing….that. When he got home like that, Evelyn usually hurried to lock me in my room, but her screams and pleads could be heard all over the house. I'd curl inside my room in a corner, trying not to scream, not to hear, and feeling like shit because I couldn't help my mother. After he'd be done with her, I'd wait some minutes and hear Evelyn going to the bathroom, where I'd follow her. Usually she'd be silently crying and try to make me go back to my room, not wanting me to see her like that, but I'd refuse, I'd want to be there for her, letting her know that someone loves her in that awful house- and I could always remember the look on her face, beaten, hurt, and scared, like if she had been a poor animal beaten by the worst lion. The look on Tris's face had been just the same.

I sigh, taking my head with my hands and quickly get up, throwing some pants on, then falling back onto the bed. Should I go after her? Should I let her be? I don't know, I don't really know what to do.

Then, I hear the door cracking; Tris silently comes into the room, her face down. _She's afraid, you jerk_. That freaking voice again.

"Tobias…"she starts, but I cut her.

"No, Tris…just…don't," I can't really listen to what she's just about to say, because I know what it's. She's going to say that we should probably consider our relationship, give us some time to clarify, and I don't really know how I could take that. I can't lose her; she's the only good thing in my life now, the only thing that's right in my life.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers so low that I think I've almost imagine that. We're both very proud to say we're sorry, and most importantly she has no reason to ask for my forgiveness, she's done nothing wrong, "I don't want to be such a mess…"

"What?" I snap out

"You're angry. I get it. What's the point of having a girlfriend if you can't have sex with her?" I look at her, astonished.

"Do you really think I'm with you just for sex?" I thought we had already had this conversation…

"No, of course not, as you said if it was just for that I wouldn't have been your first choice…" she says and I sigh, but somehow I notice that her voice is sad, as if she wanted me to have her as my first choice for sex. Well, how do I explain her that she's my first, my _only_ choice, for everything? Really, my first attempt to flirt with her _("you look good, Tris_"; what the hell had been that!?) and my _"you wouldn't have been my first choice_" had been the stupidest things I have ever told her, "But I also know that's what normal couples do and I can't seem to be able to give you that," she continues and I sigh again,

"Yes, Tris, that's what normal couples do, but we are no normal couple. We are two Divergent teenagers trying to escape from an upcoming war and Abnegation-born. And apart from that, couples do more than just have sex. I think they also tend to tell each other their secrets, to be truthful," I say the last part thinking about Tris and Marcus, earlier. I know it's not correct to bring it up now, but I must know what happened. Tris just needs to look at me to understand what I'm talking about, sighing deeply.

"You know, you followed me?" she says, more as a statement than a question

"Yes. I noticed how you left after him," Why do I suddenly feel like I had done something wrong instead of her? I was so sure before…

"You can't follow me, Tobias!" she cries out, outraged. _Great,_ "I don't need protection, I can handle him!"

Handle him? Now I'm the angry one. Hasn't she seen what that man is capable of? Do I need to show her my back again, my scars?

"Tris, you don't know him! Not like I do!" I yell, "Were you talking to him for what he said to Johanna before? I've told you Tris, he has nothing! He was just trying to make himself important!"

She calms down, sighing before answering,

"Look, I know that I don't know him like you do, but he doesn't scare me Tobias. He's in your fear landscape, not mine. And please, you must trust me. He does know something, I'm sure he does. But…I've been thinking… whatever he knows my parents must also know it. My dad was kind of his right hand man, and they both worked alongside him…"

I try to think about it straight.

Trust me, she says. Trust me.

And I want to, but I can't. I really can't. How can I trust her when she keeps hiding things from me, going behind my back, telling me lies? I love this woman like hell, I'd give up my life for her, but I don't know if I can trust her. How ironic…

But am I not also hiding things? Like Evelyn?

_'__That's different'_ I tell myself. But is it really? I sigh,

"Okay. I don't want you near him; I don't even want to see you talking to him, Tris. I just… when I see you two together I think that he can hurt you. But you're right. He's in my fear landscape, not yours. But… I can't trust you, Tris…" I say, and I almost regret my words because of the hurt look on her eyes. I wish I hadn't said that, but I know that she needs to know this part, "You asked me what couples do and we may not have sex, but I don't care. What I do care about is that couples don't hide things from each other, and you do." I take her hands on mine, linking them, "So, I'll ask you now: _you trust me_. I'll trust you if you trust me in return, because it's the only way it's going to work, okay?"

Her eyes don't show hurt any longer, but love. Tenderly she takes my head with her hands, kissing my forefront, my nose, my cheeks; and I can't help but close my eyes enjoying it.

"Okay," she says, and I don't need more. We stay like this for some minutes until she speaks again.

"I'll ask my parents, maybe they know something. You told me you wanted to figure out what to do with the city firstly, but I know that there was something important in Abnegation that Erudite wanted. We'll ask my parents together, and if they don't tell us we can ask Marcus together."

I gulp at that idea, but nod anyway. She trusts me, I must trust her too. I know what I have to do, that I must let her inside me, inside what's in my mind and my heart, but years and years of shutting down and not letting anyone in has made me really wary.

"My mother's alive," I say and she drops her hands from my head, shock written all over her beautiful face,

"What?" she asks and I sigh. I suppose I should start from the beginning, and there's where I start. I tell her about her "funeral", how I believed it, how it had been all faked. I tell her how she contacted me in Dauntless, about reuniting with her, about seeing her again. I remember how painful it had been and how horrible I had felt, because if she was alive it meant she abandoned me, and a part of me wanted to have her sacred in my mind, my good and beautiful mother who protected me. After I discovered that she was alive, I no longer had that, after I had her back, Evelyn Eaton- Johnson, actually- started being just another parent that failed me, and I no longer had anyone that cared about me.

"I don't blame her for leaving, I understand her, really do," I tell Tris. She has been silent, patiently listening to me, holding my hand while I try not to break and cry, while I try to be strong, "but… why didn't she take me? She left, leaving me there… with him. He always hit me, but after she left it just got worse and worse…" I can't finish, I can't tell her all that he did to me. I've admitted he hit and slashed me, but what I haven't told her is about the knife-throwing. The cuts. The hours and days he'd lock me in the closet with no food, little water and not even being able to go to the bathroom. He'd want me to turn into an animal, a scared animal, and he got it. He always used to say "this is for your own good", meaning I wasn't selfless enough and that I needed to be corrected. In a way, I suspected he knew about my divergence. But how could all that he put me through make me better? And the worst part is that deep inside me I know that if I'm so broken and hurt, it is because the fucking person that did this to me was my _own father_, the person I should have received love from and that should have thought me how to be selfless, how o be abnegated. Love like Andrew Prior shows towards Tris and Caleb.

Tris's eyes show pain, hurt, and anger. That's why I love her, between many reasons. If I had ever told this to anybody else, they would have started to say how sorry they were, how I should just pass it and be strong because I was a good man and blah blah. Tris doesn't. She doesn't pity me; she hates Marcus not because he did this to me, but because he's a father that did this to his only son. If it was me or her neighbor, she'd hate him just the same.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asks

"Because I want to be sincere, I want to be honest with you, and my fear landscape and this are my most vulnerable moments, memories. If I want to be sincere with you, then I know that I have to show you that side even if I hate it." And it's true: I want to be Four for everyone, even her. Four is strong, fearless, and unbreakable. He's a legend and no one dares to contradict him. But he's not really me. He's a part of me, one side, and I need her to know the other side even if I hate it, because even if she says she loves me, if she doesn't know that side, there's no way she can really love me, the real me.

But I hate it deeply, I hate being weak.

"It doesn't make you weak, Tobias," She says and I freeze. Has she read my mind or something? "It makes you human. As you told me, being fearless is not the point, that's impossible. And I love Four. I fell in love with him back when I was an initiate after all, but I love Tobias even more."

There are not words to say how much I love her, how much I thank her for what she does for me. All I can do is kiss her, but this time slow and tender. I want to show her how much I love her, but also because I'm a bit afraid I'll scare her, and when I think back about how she reacted, about that look on her face… I know I have to speak with her and make her understand that I'd never hurt her. Not willingly.

"That…that look on your face earlier, after I tried to take your shirt, I'd seen it before… in Evelyn's eyes," I tell her. She looks at me, astonished, and stirs on bed.

"What?"

"I…I don't want you to be afraid of me, Tris. I wasn't going to take it much further. And you looked so hurt, scared. You don't have to be scared of me; I don't _want_ you to be scared of me."

She looks at me confused, and when understanding hits her she closes her eyes, shaking her head slowly

"Oh. You think I was scared of you?" She asks, and I just nod. What other thing could have scared her so much?

"Oh, Tobias, no, it's not like that," she says and now I look at her, confused.

"It's just…embarrassment. I mean…look at you, Tobias. You're just so perfect, amazing, hot. And… I have the body of a twelve year old girl. I don't know what you expect from me, want me to do. I'm clueless when it comes to sex, sometimes I can't even understand why are you with me, what's in this for you…"

I'm stunned, because my brain can't seem to understand what she's trying to tell me.

"Are you really asking me this? Haven't you seen what _you_ make me feel, the effect that you have over me?" _I thought we had already had this conversation_… but then, it hits me. Suddenly I can work out what's going on, why is she so insistent on this, so afraid… she's not afraid of me or of having sex. She's afraid of herself. She's afraid of her body; she's insecure about herself and about her inexperience. That's her fear and that is why, no matter how much I tell her I love her, she's incapable of letting it go.

She smirks,

"Yes, but you're a man. Anyone would react like that if they were being… well, what I did to you." I smile. She's so innocent…so pure, she can't even say it, "But… you're older, more experienced."

_'__Ok, this is it. This is when you tell her'_

"I've never done it before Tris. I've gone on double dates with Zeke and kissed before you, but nothing more, nothing like this. Those kisses…they never felt half of what I feel when I just touch you, look at you…"

Her face is now something between jealousy, love, and shock. The last two I can understand, but the first one I don't. Why does she feel jealous?

"So…you've never…" she starts, and I cut her.

"No, never."

"But… what they hell? Are all Dauntless girls blind, lesbian or mad? You look like a freaking God!" I feel heat rising up in my cheeks at her words, and can't really believe that. I never thought of myself like that. I knew I was well-built, mostly because I train a lot, but I also know how I look, with my hooked nose, big ears and sunken eyes.

"I'm not," I say, and she just looks at me with like saying 'seriously?', "I'm not!" I tell her again, and she just shakes her head with a smile on it.

But, if she wants to see me like the sexiest men on earth, who am I to contradict her? And, anyway, everyone loves to be cherished. Mostly when no one else has ever done that for me.

"Well, then, if you think that… you have to know that I'm yours. My body and my heart." Tris looks at me with nothing but love in her eyes. I may be terrible at being a romantic boyfriend, really it sucks for me doing it, I just don't know how to be like that, but I'm trying harder to be kind with her.

After a few minutes she looks up and down my body, biting her bottom lip and I want to kiss her so much. There's a devious smile on her lips, "Good," she says, "Although it seems almost too selfish to have all of you just for myself."

I chuckle at her words, and kiss her slightly on her lips before putting my arms around her body,

"Sleep. I'll fight the nightmares for you," I tell her and she laughs.

"And with what?" I smile

"With my bare hands, of course," I answer and she evolves her arm around my waist, breathing on my shoulder. I know she's smelling me, and I like that. I usually do the same, having her scent near me calms me down.

We stay like this for some time, our bodies press together, our scents mixing, and all I can think is how I never want to let her go. How much I want to live with her, forget everything that is happening inside the city and just escape with her.

"I love you, Tris," I whisper in her hair, before finally falling asleep.

* * *

_Okaaaay! So what did you think of this? Next chapter the story will move on a bit and continue, but I really wanted to dedicate this two a good amount of chapters haha- Also, I know that there are some things that I wrote on this chapter that are told in Divergent, for example Tobias telling Tris he's never had sex before, or Tris telling him that she couldn't understand what was on their relationship for him, but I really wanted to write the version by myself, and remember that I told you I was mixing the movie with the book!_

_Cheers!_

_Vanesa_


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello! How are you? Thanks SO MUCH for the amazing reviews, follows and favorites! I can't believe that so many people are reading this story Last chapter got 200 views! Wow! Firstly, I'd like to thanks __**thebigdog2895 **__for checking my story! Thanks friend! If you like fourtris, then you should really check her "Blushing Red" story!._

**_Udementium: thanks so much for your constant support and reviews! I'm glad you like the foundation I'm trying to create!_**

**_Dark Alana: haha we already talked about this by PM's, yes she's pretty annoying, a bit arrogant, but well it's Tris._**

**_Bankhead56: Yep, I'm quite mean, I like CLIFFHANGERS! Muajaja (evil laugh, I don't know how to type it in English!). This chapter is especially dedicated to you! That you asked for more chapter hahah. I'm working on next chapter already- and I'm so sorry I can't update as much as I wanted!_**

**_DESCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING, NOTHING, NOT EVEN A TINY PART OF THE DIVERGENT WORLD. I'M JUST MESSING AROUND WITH THE CHARACTERS!_**

_Cheers for everyone! Hope you like this chapter!_

* * *

**Tobias**

_I'm back at the control room, but this time I know how she is, this time I know who I am, who we are and where we are._

_I can hear her voice, that voice that usually calms me down, and I see myself pointing a gun at her forehead, but there's nothing I can do to stop myself._

_It feels as if my mind says one thing, but my body says another._

_I try to stop myself from pulling the trigger, I'd even try to stop the bullet from coming out if I could, but I know it's impossible._

_And then, next thing I notice is Tris' body falling to the floor. I kneeled next to her,_

_"__I thought you loved me," she whispers. I try to tell her I did, I do, but all my face does is smirk and laugh._

I wake up, stirring up on bed, cold sweat covering my face and my body. Instinctively, I look at my side and find Tris, her hand still around my waist, peacefully asleep and calm. She didn't have nightmares tonight, I did. But my nightmares are usually about losing or hurting her, so finding her by my side is all I need to be okay again. Well, at least now they are usually about that. Before, they used to be about Marcus beating me, and I'd stay awake most of the night after them.

Rays of sunlight enter through the window, and I decide to get up. I've always been kind of an early person, although in these days I've noticed Tris isn't. That's okay with me, I can watch her sleeping.

I head to the tiny washroom, leaving the door open but checking that it doesn't bother Tris. I just hate it so much to be in close spaces. After I use the toilet I look at myself in the mirror and notice I really need to shave, so I take the razor that's on the shelf and head to the larger mirror in the room. Tris is still asleep, covered by the red sheets, one of her legs creeping out of them and her hair spread all over the bed. She mumbles something, turns round, holds on the sheets tighter, and puts both her hands under her face, using them as a sort of 'pillow'. I smile. I've noticed she does that from when I had to go and wake up the initiates and would stay a few seconds watching her sleep.

Yes, creepy, I know.

I turn to the mirror and start shaving. I don't notice Tris is awake until a few minutes later I feel a pair of familiar hands on my back and my chest, hugging me, and a comfortable weight on the crook of my neck. Her face is buried there, smelling me. I forget about what I was doing, leaving the razor on the small table in front of me and playing with her fingers. Slowly, she kisses my neck, then my back. Her pace is tortuous, and as sick as it can sound, I'm really getting hard as she lowers, kissing each one of my tattoos, leaving wet kisses all over my back.

"Mmmm…" I can't help but moan. She giggles.

"Good Morning," Tris says

"They really are," I tell her. Tris picks up the razor and walks in front of me.

"Let me do that," she says

"Have you ever done this before?"

She frowns.

"Not really, Mom used to help Dad, and he used to shave Caleb. So, be stiff. I don't want to hurt you," she says, using the nickname I've used on her so many times and I chuckle at her wit, but do as she commands me, standing still in front of her as she concentrates on shaving me. Tris's hand is gentle on one side of my face, while the other traces the razor over the other side. Her hands on my face burn so much, all my sensations at its limits at having her so close, her beautiful mouth inches from mine, that I don't even care about the familiar stinging the razor leaves as it cuts my facial hair.

My eyes start following her movements until they settle on her mouth, which is slightly open. I have her so close that I can even hear her heavy breath, driving me nuts.

_Fuck this._

Roughly I put her hand down and press her onto the wall, lifting her up and kissing her fiercely. Tris lets the razor fall onto the floor and I can't care less. She revolves her arms around me, kissing me back with the same passion that I show her. Deep, really deep. In my mind, I'm asking myself if I should do this after last night, but every fiber in my body and my mind wants her, desires her, and I forget about everything else.

One of my hands, which was on her hip, holding her, travels to her thigh and I put her leg around my waist. Tris wastes no time in doing the same with her other one, her legs caging me, this hot and lustful feeling creeping all over my body. I know she can feel how hard I am, and this time I'm glad. I want her to see what she makes me. I press Tris harder into the wall, leaving no space between us and my hands start travelling all over back and her sides. She does the same, her hands touching my back, the tattoos as she always does when we make out, and one of them curls in my hair, pulling it. My hands travel lower and lower down her back until they reach her butt and I leave them there, squeezing it. She has an amazing butt, small, tight and perfect, and I burned in rage the first time I saw some Dauntless boys staring at it- at her- and making obscene gestures with their hands. Tris looks at me surprised,

"Does this bother you?" I ask her

"No…" she says, and then her lips are on my neck, kissing and biting it. I moan and curse at the sensations, squeezing her butt even harder and rubbing our hips. Tris moans and stops kissing me, throwing back her head and burying her nails in my shoulder. I love it, I love how it feels, her nails in my back, I love how it feels that she can't control it.

"Do it again," I tell her huskily. She looks at me confused, and I lean our hips together, hard. She moans and digs her nails again. I growl, "Shit, Tris, I love that." The words come out of my mouth before I can even think about them, and she pokes me again. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remember the time when I realized for the first time I was a bit masochistic, that I liked pain. After all, how can I explain going time after time through my fear landscape? Or running until I can't feel my legs any longer? The line between pain and pleasure is extremely thin, and at this moment all I can feel, with Tris's nails in my back, her legs around me making my jeans extremely tight, and lust clouding my mind, is pleasure, desire. But it's not enough, it's never enough.

I kiss Tris's cheek, but hard and biting it and then lower my mouth, kissing and biting her jaw, her neck, harder, sucking her delicate skin. Tris smells like wind and soup. She always smells like freedom.

"Oh… Tobias… yes…" one of her hands travels to my hair, curling it between her fingers, while the other still has her nails dug up in my back. I squeeze her butt harder and fiercely rock our hips as I kiss and bite her neck. Tris's breathing is incredibly fast, her lips mumbling my name and "yes" and many other things I can't really place. I need to stop, I need to stop or I won't be able to do it later. So, with one big, long bite to her neck I step away, just joining our foreheads, letting our breathing to go back to normal.

"Why did you stop?" she asks, quietly.

"Because I don't think I could stop later." She looks at me, and I can almost see the conflict inside her mind. In the end, the wise part must win because she just nods. When I look back at her, I can see that I've created a little problem on her neck

"Um… Tris, we might have an inconvenience," I say a bit playful, her hickey standing there on her neck, and although I know that if her father sees it he'll kill me (or try to), I can't help but feel happy and proud.

I've marked her… as mine. She's _mine_, and everyone can see that now. If I could put the words "Four" on it, I would.

Although then probably the one trying to kill me would be Tris, not Andrew.

"I know," Tris says, but she's looking at my pants, where there's a tent standing out. I smirk, realizing that I hadn't tried to cover up this time. If Tris's intimacy fear comes because she feels insecure about herself, then I know what I can do to make It better… take it further, but slow. And showing her the effect she has on me is one way to do it, to show her not only how much I love her but also desire her.

"No, not that," I say, grabbing her hips and turning her, so that she's facing the mirror, "look at your neck." She does, and her face turns red.

"You did that?" she cries, "I noticed it hurt, but it felt so good I didn't even think about it…" she mumbles the last part more for herself than me, but I smile none the less. When Tris notices my smile she turns to face me, her eyes narrow.

"Wait, you _knew_ it! You knew what would happen!"

"Well, only the theory." It's true, Zeke and the other guys used to speak a lot about that… well, really, they usually speak a lot about sex in general, and once, being curious, I asked him. He laughed hard and mocked me, but finally he said 'you have to suck the skin and bite a bit. In that way the blood goes to that part'. I smile, thinking about my friends back at Dauntless and feel sad. How are they? Were they under mind control or what? I suppose they didn't go back to the compound, so where could they be?

"Well, you are pretty good at practice," Tris takes me out of my mind, her voice upset, "Now we have a problem."

"Oh, no, no, no… _you_ have a problem," I say, but she just shakes her head and smirks.

"Oh my sweet Tobias… tell me, how long do you think it will take my perfectly Abnegation-but-former-Erudite father and perfectly-Erudite-brother to figure out you did this on me, eh? Five seconds, ten maximum? And how do you think they will react at this art work you made on my neck?" she asks innocently and I scowl. I know she's right, of course, but an idea pops up in my mind. I smirk and, slowly, lean in until her back in on the wall (better said, in the mirror), my face inches from hers, hands on both her sides. I'm trying to intimidate her, but also to arouse her, and by the way her eyes are fixed on my lips and her breathing increases, I think I've got it. What she doesn't know is that she's making me feel practically the same way.

"You've been naughty, challenging me, mocking me; you know that, don't you?" I tell her, with a deep voice, that one she calls 'Four-voice', "As your instructor, I'll have to teach you how to speak to your superiors, Tris Prior." My mouth barely touches the corner of her mouth, tracing her jaw and her right cheek. Then, I pull away, walking to the door and opening it.

Tris is still where I left her, her back on the mirror, her eyes closed and her face something between desire and fear. But, the most surprising thing is that she's pressing her legs together… especially between her thighs, looking for some kind of friction. It gets all of me and tightly clinching at the door not to throw her onto the table and rip her clothes off, but she collects herself, walking to me. Tris reaches my side, placing her hands around my shoulders, and suddenly her mouth is on my ear, kissing, sucking and biting my right earlobe. I press her body hard against mine, but as soon as I do that she steps away.

"I'm looking forward to your teaching methods, Four," she says in my ear, and then leaves.

Now, the one with his eyes closes in wild imagination and pleasure is me.

* * *

After Tris leaves I finish shaving, as she left one side done and the other not. Just when I'm heading towards the orchards- were I'm suppose to work today- I hear screams coming from one side of the hall- Tris' side of the hall. No Abnegation or Amity could be yelling, so that leaves the only two people in this place that could be making so much noise.

I hurry towards her room and I find a bunch of Abnegation and Amity gather around two figures, which are screaming at each other and fighting. Tris and Peter.

Oh shit, why didn't I just scare him more when he attacked Tris in Initiation? I knew I couldn't denounce him, Eric made it pretty clear, but Zeke, Shauna and I could have scared him more. Hell, maybe I could have even made him leave.

Tris hits Peter with her elbow, just in his face, and I have to suppress a smile, remembering all the people around us, and how will they will probably make her leave even before we have everything planed.

A woman kneels besides Peter and I grab Tris.

"Tris, please calm down."

"He has the disk!" she screams. _Oh_, _no_, "He stole it! He has it, Tobias!"

_Stupid_ _piece_ _of_… I walk towards him, ignoring the woman next to him, and press my right foot in his thorax. Then, I look at his pockets, where I can see a bulge, and take the disk.

"We're not going to be here forever, and this wasn't smart of you, jerk," I tell him coldly, but then I remember how Tris had also participated in this row.

"And it wasn't smart of you either, Tris, what the hell were you thinking? Do you want to get us kicked out?!" I almost yell at her and then I regret when I see hurt crossing her eyes. Sometimes I don't remember that she can be hurt, as she always seems so strong, so fearless to me. And especially maybe I shouldn't have said this after everything that happened between us in the last hours. I have, again, passed from being the loving and concerned boyfriend to her cruel instructor, and I know she hates it. I walk towards her, placing my hands on her face. Luckily, Amity is kind of occupied with Peter, so they don't pay attention to us, "Come on, let's go somewhere else." She looks at me and nods, but just when I'm about to grab her arm and get away from here, an Amity man starts pulling her, with his hand on her arm. I know I know him from somewhere, but I can't place where.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I yell at him.

Tris looks at the boy.

"Robert," she says and I feel heat rising to my face. Anger. Jealousy. This is the boy that hugged her when we came to the fence, her old neighbor.

"Hi Tris, sorry but I have to take you away. You violated our agreement's terms, we must follow the protocol. Don't worry, you'll be safe," he says

"Hell she'll be safe, I go with her," I tell him. But, deep down, I know she's safe. I just don't want him to take my Tris away. Not this boy which seems to know her.

Tris looks at Robert and then back at me.

"It's ok Four, don't worry. I'll go to the orchards later," she says, and then roughly takes her arm from the boy's hand, "I can perfectly walk on my own, thank you," she says sarcastically and I have to suppress another smile. She's Tris; of course she can handle an abnegation-turned-Amity. That doesn't mean I like him taking her away from me, obviously.

I watch as Tris goes with him and then head towards the orchards, were I was supposed to be an hour ago.

* * *

_Please don't forget to send reviews! I like hearing what you think! _

_Vanesa_


	14. Chapter 14

_Hello my lovely readers! How are you on this beautiful Saturday? I don't know what time is it in your country, here's is sunny and warm- Oh, crap, I'm talking like an Amity -_- Well, we have to be on the mood for this chapter!_

_Anyway, I'd REALLY like to thank all your AMAZING reviews! I'm going to answer them here, but I have a proposal to make to all of you. In one of the reviews, __**bankhead56**__ said that she liked that we could converse back and forth. One of the many things I like about writing and reading in fanfiction and fictionpress is that you can have another kind of relation with your readers than if you write a book- you can send messages and talk with them through every chapter- So, I though, that if you want you can make me questions about me and I can tell you a bit about myself! It's just an idea, extra to this story! I f you want, as long as I can answer the question, I have no problem to let you all get to know me better!_

**_Dark Alana: well, it's Tris. She really has a heroine complex haha_**

**_Cgolbie: I'm so glad you like it! It's a hell of a fun writing it hahaha_**

**_Kearny: EXACTLY! Tension is extremely tight, but you'll have to wait a bit more! ;)_**

**_Bankhead56: Really, the most touching and AMAZING review I have ever received. I read it like three times because you gave me a lot to work on by your review! Of course I read your reviews! I love receiving them, hearing what you think about the story, characters, everything; I try to keep up with the plotline (for now, then you'll see), but also mix with some new things. If not, it would be boring just copy and paste all V Roth's book. I love cliffhangers! CLIFFHANGERS, CLIFFHANGERS! Of course, I love them when I can do them_****_J_****_. Really, thanks for your review, reviews like that encourage me to continue and write more so I can answer and not disappoint you!_**

**_Neptor: Thanks! Here's next chapter!_**

_As all my chapters, this was checked by __**thebigdog2895, **__this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written (Word said it was 4100 words!) so enjoy it!_

_Vanesa_

* * *

**Andrew**

"Foooouuuur" I hear someone (Beatrice?) calling from the other side of the orchards.

Today Natalie and I were assigned to help with the harvest, and, I think Tobias was as well because I saw him digging in the wet, muddy ground pulling up the beetroots.

Beatrice walks towards him, swinging her whole body and a smile on her face, acting like a lunatic. Natalie looks at me.

"They gave her Peace Serum," she says. What? Why would they do that? "She must have gotten into a fight and they applied their protocol." Well, that would explain why Tobias and Beatrice weren't at the breakfast table today, but I can't really imagine Tobias leaving my daughter's side.

We walk to them, and just then Beatrice reaches Tobias side, bumping into him.

"Ohhhhh…. My fault," she says, giggling and tries to kiss him. He kisses her back, but luckily he just pecks her before letting her go.

"What the hell have they done with you Tris?" he asks

"Oh, nothing! They've just put me on good humor, and I'm trying to kiss you now. So…. If you'd just relax…." She says, taking his face with her hands.

"Beatrice! Stop right now!" I find myself saying. I can't really be mad at him now, because I know he's just as embarrassed as I am for seeing my daughter act this foolishly.

Beatrice's voice is nothing like her usual strong one, but more high pitched, playful, and relaxed.

How much peace serum have they given her?

"DADDY!" she cries and we all close our eyes at her scream. She rushes to my side, hugging me and I stiffen because I haven't hugged her like this in a long, long time. Not since she was a toddler and no one was looking. Also, she has never called me "daddy" in all her life, and that single word makes my heart warm. All I want to do is close my arms around her and tell her everything will be fine, stroke her hair like when she was four years old, and I used to put her into bed and tuck her in.

"I know you don't like him, daddy," she says, pointing at Tobias, "but he's fine, you know? He's home, and in love, and safe. Yeah, he's also kind of moody and unkind but behind his "_I'm the macho_ _Alfa_" look, he's sweet and protective- deep, deeeeep inside, he's even a bit romantic, and…"

"Okay, stop RIGHT NOW TRIS" Tobias says, taking her away from me, his face absolutely red, and I can't say if it's on anger or embarrassment.

Natalie tries not to laugh and fails miserably, at what Tris turns to her.

"Mom!" she cries again, letting go of Tobias and hugging her instead. Nat doesn't hesitate and hugs her back. "Oh, mum, I love you soooo much you know? Thanks for saving me! You're so strong! I can't believe I couldn't truly see you. You are sooo worried about me, but you don't have to! I have another kind of protector" she says, looking at Tobias with googly eyes, "Well, more like a bodyguard if you think about it." She stumbles to Tobias's side, and saying that the boy is embarrassed is being short.

"Look! He wanted everyone to know that I'm his and all that possessive thing inside him, so he made me this!" she says, moving her blonde hair from her neck, which was carefully hiding… a hickey!

"What the hell?!" I cry out

Ok, _Tobias_ _Eaton_, start running.

For God's sake, they were both raised up in Abnegation; do our values mean nothing to them? At least I had the decency of waiting until marriage to do that kind of stuff with Natalie…

Well, had we?

Tobias looks as if earth could sallow him and grabs Beatrice by her wrist, pulling her into the building,

"What? No! I don't want to go inside!" she says

"Oh, for God's sake, I'll just carry you" He mumbles, and picks her bridal style.

"Leave her on the ground right now, boy," I tell him, angrily. Yes, he's been doing… whatever filthy things with my little girl and now he drags her somewhere?

Tobias looks at me,

"I'm just going to carry her to Johanna's, sir. I'd like her to tell me why they gave her so much Peace Serum, Sir." If I wouldn't be so angry (and I can't even really say why I'm angry, if it's because of what these two have been doing or because my daughter is acting like a lunatic) I'd probably be amused that he seems so nervous around me.

Beatrice laughs.

"You are scared of him!" she says, looking at him, "You are scared of my dad! Hahaha, he wouldn't harm you, he can't even do it!"

Tobias closes his eyes.

"Tris, please, _please_, just shut up."

We follow them into the building. When we finally arrive at Johanna's- all of us trying to ignore Beatrice's giggles and stupid comments- Tobias opens the door and we all get in. Then, he slams the door as hard as he can

"What the hell does this mean?" he asks, half hissing, pointing at my daughter.

Johanna looks up and down her, her eyes tired and sorry.

"I'm sorry. They were following the normal protocol. I guess they didn't consider her size and weight and gave her a bit too much" she says, covering her huge scar with her hair.

"You shouldn't try to cover the scar, you're far more beautiful without hair in your face," Tris says happily.

"Beatrice, Honey, let's play a game," Natalie says, Bea's face rising up in amusement, "It's called "_Who stands longer without talking_, ok? We just have to be quiet and not talk."

Bea seems to think it for a minute before nodding vigorously. The both stare at each other and keep silent.

"Give her too much what, Johanna?" I ask her, although I know the answer.

"Peace Serum, Andrew. As you know, we use peace serum with people in our community that have problems keeping the peace. In small doses, it has a relaxing effect; the only collateral effect is a bit of dizziness." After Johanna says this Tobias stands, thoughtful for a moment, as if he can finally understand something, but soon enough he reacts again.

"You DRUGGED my girlfriend!?" he cries, "I'm not an idiot Johanna, everyone in your community has problems keeping the peace, because all them are human beings! You probably just drop it in the water supply."

Johanna doesn't answer him for some seconds, and I know that she's clearly controlling her anger, trying to be always the kind spokesperson.

"You clearly know that's not the case, or this fight would have never occurred," she says, pointing at Bea, who is still looking at Natalie, both of them silent. Bea is concentrated on her face, but Nat is looking at Johanna. "But everything we do here, we do it together, as a Faction. If I could give the entire city Peace Serum, I would. We'd certainly not be in this situation right now if we could do it."

"So you're telling me that you believe drugging an entire population and taking their free will is the solution, Johanna?" I can't help but ask sarcastically. She looks at me with her brows crossed, and for the first time I see something more than a happy face on Johanna Reyes' face.

"Sarcasm is not kind, Andrew. I thought you better than anyone would know it."

"Then it's good my faction defends selflessness, not kindness," I answer back. If she wants to play this game I'll play it. I know exactly who and what she is.

She doesn't answer, probably considering if she should answer me back, but declines it. She turns to Tobias.

"Now, Four, I'm sorry we committed a mistake with Tris. Never the less, she violated and broke our agreement, so I'm afraid that you two won't be able to stay here for much longer. The conflict between her and the boy, Peter, is not something we can stand."

"If she goes, I'll go with her," Natalie says immediately and my chest fills with pride and love. This is my wife, the woman that would defend our children against everything and everyone. Of course that, if Bea leaves, we'll all go with her.

"Ha! You lost Mommy!" Tris says, laughing hysterically, and we all close our eyes. All of us ,but Johanna, who must be used to this.

"Tris, please, stay quiet, PLEASE!" Tobias says, not as patient as Natalie had been before. Then, he turns to Johanna, "And you shouldn't worry about it too much, we'll leave as soon as we can," he says.

"Good. Peace between Amity and Dauntless can only be maintained as long as we keep distance from each other. Regarding your comment, Natalie, I'm really pleased of having you and Andrew here, with the other Abnegation, mostly as you two have an important part in its leadership. I'm sure you'll do what your leader, Marcus, says, but none the less, if you choose to leave, there's nothing I'll do to stop you." We all practically flinch when she mentions Marcus.

"We'll do nothing _he_ wants, Johanna," Natalie hisses. Tobias looks at her, and I know what he's asking her: don't tell her. But how can't we? She's a faction leader, she has the right to know how cruel that man can be… but it's also Tobias's right to decide who can know his past and who can't.

I notice how Johanna slightly looks at Tobias. Does she know something? I know that Johanna and Marcus have known each other for a long, long time. They used to be both Candors, after all. Has she been protecting him? But, then again, I have also protected him… when it came to Evelyn…

"That explains a lot, you know," Tobias says.

Johanna looks at him

"What are you insinuating, Four? " she asks.

"_Peace between Amity and Dauntless can only be maintained as long as we keep distance from each other_," he says, in a mocking voice, and I really have to cover my face not to laugh. Johanna's face contorts in horror, and Tris laughs hard, " That explains why, under the pretext of '_peace'_-as if that could ever be possible!- you let us become killers and they,"he says, pointing at Natalie and me,"become Erudite's pray. That explains why you let an entire faction be almost slaughtered by another one. You are AMITY, for god's sake! You have to maintain the peace, and you did NOTHING!" His voice is full with rage, anger, and even desperation. And in that moment it hits me. In that moment I realize, for the first time, what it might have been like for them with everything that has happened. Their faction killed their old one. But even with that, I can only imagine how it might have been for him. Bea has only been Dauntless for a month, while Tobias has been there for four years. Four years of eating, partying, climbing, jumping, laughing and working with them. His friends killing his neighbors. Neighbors that had decided to look at the other side every time they heard his screams, every time they thought something was wrong with Tobias and Marcus. Neighbors that, just like me, decided to lie to him in order to protect our faction's honor. He saved them, never the less. He saved them- _us_- because he knew it was the right thing to do.

The moment I entered into that Control Room, in Dauntless, I knew who that boy was; I knew that he was Marcus' traitor son. I had been at his Choosing Ceremony because I had volunteered to help them with it. When Marcus' only son transferred I truly felt sorry for him. He had been left alone in this world, and he'd have to show that it didn't matter to him at all. His own son, a traitor. That was why I had always been so wary about Tobias, because I saw in him all the bad values: egocentrism, selfishness, treason. It's just in this moment when I realize that Tobias Eaton is just a twenty years old teenager that put aside all the resentment and anger he held towards his old faction to help it, that is now willing to protect it in order to do the right thing. It's now when I realize that this is the boy, the _man_, which I want for my daughter to be with. A man of honor, a man with principles. Tobias Eaton might not be the _best_ man for her, because no one will be by my eyes, but he can be the _better_ one.

I don't really know how long I've been on my own thoughts until I feel familiar finger on my hand, tracing circles on it. They can only be Natalie's.

"They've finished talking," she tells me quietly. I look out of the door, where I can see Tobias half guiding, half dragging Beatrice out of the room. I don't know how the conversation ended, I was too concentrated on the epiphany I had. I guess I'll have to ask Nat, so I only nod, but just as we are about to get out of the room, Johanna speaks

"Natalie, Andrew, could you please be so kind as to stay a few minutes?" I look at Tobias and Bea.

"I'll take her to her room, or she'll continue telling everyone they have a beautiful voice and I don't know how many other stupid things." It might be the piece of epiphany I had a minutes ago, or the fact that I have come to understand a bit more of this boy, but, although I'm still wary at the idea of him taking her to a room, I give up.

They turn to the left, disappearing from my view.

"Please, sit down," Johanna says.

"We don't really have time for this, Johanna. We have a drugged daughter to take care of, and a worried and scared faction to comfort, as well as finishing our work, so, if you could just please tell us what the matter is," Natalie says with a low, comforting voice; but I can notice the annoyance behind it. As I taught her how she had to pass the Test without calling attention, we don't really know which faction she should really be in, but I've always guessed she'd be Abnegation and Dauntless, so all these kind things really gets on her nerves.

Johanna sighs, "What you said about Marcus… I'd really like to know the reasons. You said you wouldn't do what he tells you to do, but I remember that just nights ago, you'd follow him everywhere. You're his right hand man, Andrew," she says.

"Used to be, really. Now that we've found out about who he truly is," I answer without even thinking about it, and curse myself after it. Now, she'll ask what I mean, and how do I protect Tobias' secret?

"Could you please explain yourself?" she asks. Her voice is confused, but also a bit…sad?

Johanna's office is big, the walls are as bright yellow as the ceiling. The right wall is almost covered by windows, big ones, with red curtains, and you can see the farms from it. Natalie walks to one of those windows, staring at the men and women working in the trees, collecting the apples and oranges and peaches from it.

"We can't tell you," she says, not looking at Johanna. I realize that she's doing it not to show her emotions. Johanna may be Amity now, but she used to be Candor. Again, like Marcus. "It's not our secret to tell," she finishes

"I understand. So, as it is a secret, I'll ask you a simple and straightforward question. Then, you won't have revealed it, because I think I already know."

"We can't do that, either," I tell her

"I understand you want to keep your word, but I also need to know who I am dealing with under our roof. I might not be Amity leader, because we do not have a leader, but I am their spokesperson and they look up at me when it comes to decisions, although all of us choose together."

I glance at Natalie. We seem to be asking the same question quietly, but in the end we know we'll have to speak with her.

"So, have you said what you said because Marcus Eaton really used to abuse his son, Tobias Eaton? Also known as Four, from Dauntless?" she asks. Our silence says everything.

"That's what I thought," she says lowly and sad,"I feel really, really sorry for him. I know it's hard, but we must all accept our past and move on. What we must do now is hide it, of course. We can make something with Marcus after all of this is over, but for now…. Making this public would just make the war against Abnegation worse." When she finishes, we must be both open-mouth. Of course we'd not say anything, but not because of what other factions may think of us, but rather because Tobias didn't want us to tell them. She's Amity, for the love of God, shouldn't she be a counselor?

"You're telling us not to do anything, what is worse, to hide it just for the _appearance_?" I tell her, and immediately regret it. She knows the truth. How many lies have I told for Marcus' behalf? For Abnegation's behalf?

Johanna also knows this, and she looks at me with narrow eyes

"How do you, Andrew, dare to tell me this? How many lies have you told to help him? Even when I said I was against it, that it would only make things worse?" she says, and I know she's right. Then, I remember Natalie is at my side, I remember she knows nothing about that.

"What are you two talking about?" Nat asks, confused and scared. Johanna looks at her also confused.

"But… you… you must know… He must have told you…" she starts

"No, she doesn't," I tell her.

Natalie looks at me, asking for an explanation, looking for some answers. I look back at her, and silently ask for some time. I can't have an argument with her in front of Johanna. Sometimes I forget how perceptive she can be. I had never had any idea about Caleb's Erudite side, but when he transferred she only sighed, as if she had always known. With Beatrice, of course, it was always absolutely different. I knew she didn't quite fit in Abnegation, too curious for her own sake, but I also knew she was selfless. She just couldn't see it.

Nat seems to take my plead, because she just nods and looks at Johanna.

"So, you want us not to say anything."

"Just for now," she admits, "We must avoid conflicts, and there is certainly a lot to intensify them."

We agree with her, mostly because we also promised Tobias we wouldn't say anything, and already broke that promise, and then leave the room.

* * *

"So, are you now going to explain to me what she was talking about?" Natalie says as soon as we are back in our room, after being in the orchards the whole day. I had been successfully avoiding this conversation, part of me ashamed and part of me scared at what she'd thought of me after this. After confessing to her what I had done and never told her.

"It's… about Evelyn Eaton," I say, "Or Evelyn Johnson, if you want."

Natalie looks at me, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrow.

"Marcus' wife. She's dead, what about her?" she asks

"She's not dead. We faked her death. She was cheating on him, with another man and got pregnant, or that's what he told me, and they though it's be better to step away. So, they faked her death and she has been living with the factionless ever since. Marcus came home one night and asked me; James Black and Abigail Thomson help him fake it. We told everyone she had died giving birth to their second child… we told his _son_ she had died giving birth…" I say, not looking at her. When I look up, I wish I could go back in time and had never participated in any of that. Natalie's eyes are wild open, her gaze accusatory, disappointed and hurt. Her arms are still cross over her chest.

"You told a seven- year-old little boy that his mother was dead!" she says, "Andrew… what the hell? You helped him fake his wife's death, so that Marcus's reputation stayed clean?!"

"Nat, I didn't do it for that reason! I thought- we thought- that if we let Erudite know about her affair they'd use that information as accusations against Marcus…" She doesn't let me finish.

"Accusations that were truth!" she exclaims.

"I know! But I didn't know it at that time! I thought it was all bullshit and that the stupid affair would only make Abnegation look worse. I didn't do it for Marcus; I did it for all of us!" I try to explain her, but did I really? I remember how sorry I had felt for him, and thought why would his wife cheat on him, and that if Natalie would stop loving me, I'd never know what to do.

She shakes her head vigorously.

"That doesn't explain how could you lie to Tobias, to a seven year old boy… he thought his mom was dead? You, Andrew, you who lost your own mother when you were young!" It's right, my mother died when I was nine years old, my brothers and I were left alone with my dad. He tried to be the best for us, but pain was quite too much for him. He had truly loved her, so, being Erudite, he sank into his papers and investigations. I was the youngest one, and my older brother had chosen to stay at Erudite, so they practically raised me instead of my dad- I hold no resentment towards him, because if something happened to Nat I wouldn't know how to continue.

"I know, Nat, I know it now. And I regret it more than I realize. She probably ran away because he abused her." If he treated his son like that, I can't imagine what he did with his wife.

She looks at me, right through my eyes, as if wanting to read me.

"Did you know what he did to his son?" she asks me, "When Tobias was too hurt, when he wouldn't go out of his house, did you know what was truly happening?"

"NO! Of course not! I'd have never helped him with something like that!" I answer immediately. How can she think something like that?

"And does he know his mother is alive?" she asks again.

"I… I don't know, really." I really wish he knows. I really wish that, because if not, I know I'll have to tell him

"Well we'll have to find out. And then if he doesn't, you'll have to tell him. You hid the truth from him, you and Marcus, James, and Abigail and who knows how many others… you know what Andrew? I may have always had trouble with being truly Abnegation, but I was always glad I chose this faction. Because I thought I could help people, people that were in a similar situation I was in back at the Fringe, back in Milwaukee. Because I always thought they were _good_ people. And now… what kind of good person tells a little boy his mother is _dead_, makes him cry over her? How many knew what was happening at that house and did nothing? I just… I can't think about this, I don't know what to think about this," she says, her voice broken. I want to close the space between her and I, calm her. But Natalie is so much like Beatrice at this point… she doesn't want to be weak, she won't want my help right now.

So I just nod.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask her

She shakes her head.

"No, I'll leave. I have many things to think about, and I really need somewhere fresh and clean to do it," she says, and then gets out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her, leaving me alone.

She was clam. She was quiet. She wasn't mad, she wasn't angry. She was just disappointed, and that hurts even more.

* * *

_So? Did you expect that from Andrew? After reading "the son" by V Roth I decided that there was no way that Andrew didn't know about Evelyn being alive. He was kind of Marcus best friend (or anything like that in Abnegation standards) and the second in charge. I even have a theory of why he didn't know about Tobias being beaten, which I will develop later._

_Cheers!_

_Vanesa_


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello! How are you? Yep, I know, you're probably thinking I died or something. Sorry, I was extremely busy with Collage, final exams and all of that. Luckily Tomorrow (here it's Wednesday 5 pm) I take my exam, and after that I have two weeks holiday! Then back to collage ****L****that's what happens when you don't study hard for the middle term exams and have to go to final exam… -_-**

**Anyway, here's chapter 15! Just warning, it has pretty strong sexual scenes (this isn't rated M for nothing!), and as a gift for the delayed, this one is the longest chapter! Yeah!**

**As usual, thanks to THEBIGDOG2895 for checking this chapter and her infinite support. **

**DARK ALANA: yep, poor him, Andrew will literally kill him if this continues like that hahaha. **

**UDEMENTIUM: yep, Tobias keeps getting on Andew's bad side hahah but, as I wrote on last chapter, Andrew is also starting to understand and appreciate Tobias more as a person and as her daughter's boyfriend.**

**NEPTOR: ahhhh! I can't believe that you think this is your favorite fanfic! It makes me so happy! I try every day to improve my writing skills to make this better for you, so all these amazing reviews really are the best fuel for me.**

**CGOLBIE: haha yes, the POVS idea came after I read A song of Ice and Fire (game of thrones). I like mixing povs and some new ones will come next chapters ****J**

**DIVERGENTFAN97: here's the continuation ;)**

* * *

**Tobias**

I'm going to kill that Amity boy. I swear to God I'm going to murder him slowly and enjoy doing it… _yeah! Let Tris come with me. Yeah_! _Nothing bad will happen_ _to her_… we'll just drug her so much that she'll be acting like a lunatic for hours, singing, giggling, telling everyone they are beautiful and showing her father, her _extremely_ angry father, the hickey I left on her neck hours ago….

We are walking towards her room, the only place where I can think of being right now before she messes up more. As we are getting there, me carrying her in my arms, Tris doesn't stop kissing my neck, touching my chest. And I hate to admit it… but I like it. God dammit I like it, but I know I can't do anything, not with her like this. It's the same as if she was drunk; it'd be taking advantage of her.

"Tris, for the love of God, stop it," I say, trying to make my voice strong and commanding, but ends up just being as when we are kissing and touching each other. Like last night's voice: husky, full of love and desire.

She giggles.

"You have a beautiful voice," she says. I roll my eyes

"Shut up."

She stops touching me, and now she looks at me.

"Well, that wasn't kind…" she says, then her face lights up, as if she finally understood the secrets of the universe, "OHHH! But that's why I like you and you like me so much! Because I'm not kind either!"

What the…? Agh, I suppose it is better not to say anything.

She tries to kiss me again, but I don't let her. Not because I don't desire it, but because I know that if I kiss her, she being in this state, I might not stop. I don't want to do anything she'll regret later.

"Where are we going?" she asks me

"To your room, you need to cool off," I tell her.

"NOOOOO!"her cry almost kills me ears, "I want to go outside! Outside it's sunny, and smells good, and we can kiss under a tree…"

Suddenly, I have an idea to calm her down.

"Ok Tris, you want to kiss me?" I ask her. She nods frantically, so much I think she'll get her head out of place, while she has a huge smile on her face. If I wasn't so confused and mad at Amity (at that Robert boy) and at my own emotions, I'd almost laugh at the sight. Maybe I'll find this funny later, "Well, I'll take you somewhere we can kiss." I tell her. Of course, as soon as we cross that door I'll put her to sleep.

After that she shuts up and stays quiet.

We arrive at her bedroom, and I remember I don't have the key

"Where's the key, Tris?" I ask her. She smiles at me deviously

"OOPS! You'll have to find it!" she says, and then… she drops the key… inside her yellow blouse. I gulp.

"Tris, give me that key right now," I tell her as steady and strong as I can…_yeah, as if you aren't dying to put your hands inside that blouse and…_

I shake my head. If I get out of today without having brain damage for so many mixed thoughts, emotions, and wishes together, it'll be a miracle.

"I'm not stopping you…" she says. Her voice, so different from her usual, is what brings me out. _This is not her_, I tell myself.

My glare must make her give up, because she just rolls her eyes and puts her hands inside her blouse, taking the small key out of it.

"You're not fun…" she mumbles. I take the key out of her hand. It's warm, and when I think why it is warm, where that key has just been…is it possible to be so madly jealous of a _key_?

I open the door, and carry her inside, closing and locking the door behind me. Then, I put her on the bed.

"Oh, finally, we're going to do something fun…" she says, groggy, and grabs my t-shirt, trying to make me fall on the bed with her. I'm stronger, of course, and quickly straighten, not letting her.

"No, Tris you need to get some sleep so the thing gets out of your system," I tell her. Her room is just like mine, but in front of the table it has a comfortable chair. I take it, and sit down, burying my head on my hands. Suddenly I remember Natalie's comment about Marcus earlier, and Johanna making them stay…Has she asked them anything? Have they told her? I must be really lost on my thoughts, because I don't notice Tris has gotten up until I feel her hands on my chest and her lips on the back of my neck. It feels good, really good and comforting, and I lose it for a moment. I forget that she's on the serum, I forget that her parents will probably come looking for her. I put my hands over her own on my chest, her lips now over my ear and the right side of my neck, switching to kiss and bite those parts. Unconsciously, I let my head fall and moan.

"You see, you like this!" she says. If I wasn't so in love and lost in Tris's kisses and hands, I might have paid attention to how different her voice was. But I didn't.

Tris changes places, and sits on my lap, her hands holding my head now. I don't wait for her to react, this time I'm the one bending my head and kissing her. Oh God, she kisses so well.

Electricity is running through my body, everywhere she touches and I think she could give me a heart attack and I'd continue kissing her. So I do it. I start kissing her collarbone, and guide her so that now her legs are on each side of me. But then, when she giggles loudly, I get out of that cloud.

This woman in front of me is not Tris. Tris, my Tris, would never giggle at this situation. She'd moan or lean forward until her fear appeared and we'd have to stop. But never giggle.

I let go of her (a bit roughly, I must admit) and turn back, facing the wall.

"Why did you stop!?" she complains. But her voice is childish, not strong or annoyed.

"You're not yourself Tris," I tell her, as calm as I can manage. She hugs me from behind my back.

"Of course I am!"

"No, Tris would have never showed her father a hickey, say all those things you said, or even giggle like a lunatic while we make out. It's the serum. I'm not taking advantage of you."

She turns serious (or as much as she can) and walks a few steps away.

"You aren't taking advantage of me," she says, trying to be sexy. Oh, screw that, she's always sexy, but now she's trying and failing, her attitude too clumsy. With one hand, she starts unbuttoning her shirt, slowly and button by button. To me, it seems as if I'm seeing this in slow motion, I just freeze there and watch her take one, two, three buttons. I can see her bra and her skin. What shocks me, I know, it's not that she's showing me more of her, but rather, that she's _doing_ it. Her boldness is what amazes me.

"I want you, Tobias," she says, finishing with the buttons and leaving her shirt open. I swallow.

Her skin is pale, smooth. Her stomach flat and her firm, small, perfect breasts are covered by a black bra.

Tris isn't like the kind of girls I used to look at before, curvy and tall. She's not beautiful, she's a goddess. And a goddess doesn't need to be beautiful, that's for the normal girls. A goddess needs to make you stop thinking about anything but her, to make you stop breathing and not being able to remember how to do it again. And she's not just a goddess, she's my goddess.

With a delicate movement, her shirt falls onto the floor, making a pool around her.

"Like what you see?" She says. I walk to her, slowly, like a predator towards its pray. I don't even notice when I reach her side, when my hands are on her face, when all I can see and concentrate is on her.

Until…

Something between a giggle and a laugh escapes from her lips, and I close my eyes, shaking my head. This is not her.

Why is it so difficult for me to focus now? I can always keep control, I can always be in control, and in this moment my mind shifts from a horny and stupid teenager's to a man's. It's as if I have those two people inside my head and I don't know who will win.

I need to leave this room right now.

I start turning around and leaving, but she takes my hand, stopping me, and then guiding it towards the valley between her breasts, placing it over her heart. Her heartbeat is fast, not as fast as it had been when I felt it during my fear landscape, but fast anyway.

"You feel it?" She asks me. I nod, "It only beats like this when you're around." She presses her hand more firmly and moans. And then the first person, the teenage boy inside me, wins the battle.

I just desire her, want her so much. It's been exhausting these last days; the sexual tension between us could almost be cut by a knife. Ever since our first kiss, the intensity of the fire that surrounds us has been rising and rising, almost breaking us. And there's always the little problem with her fear. Thinking about that almost makes me stop, but I don't. I know I can't have sex with her, not just because she's under the serum but also because she's not even slightly ready, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy this…other ways. She showed me earlier that there are other forms of being intimate rather than sex. I'll show her those ways, it's going to be her moaning my name now.

We fall on bed. My hands find her legs, wrapping them around my hips, tangling us further. Her hands find my shirt and pull it up, touching me. We're desperate of getting contact; skin with skin, our bodies clamming each others. I'm on fire, and I want Tris to burn with me. Without even noticing I start rocking our hips and she stops kissing me, her head falling on the pillow. My hands are on her breasts now, still covered by her bra.

"Oh…" she moans and switches her hands from my back to the wooden bars behind the bed, "More…" She whispers, "I want more…" Those words turn me on more than anything. I have Tris's small body under mine, my legs caging her, and she's begging for more.

I look up at her, but her eyes are closed, her mouth shaping a perfect "o" in a lustful way. With one hand, I unclap her bra and wait for her reaction. She doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything, so I continue and remove it. She lets go of the bed's wooden bar so I can take it off, and then I do what I've been dreaming for over a month: I put my mouth on her right breast, first kissing it. When I see how she struggles under my body in pleasure, I take the lead and start licking it, capturing her nipple with my teeth, playing with it, teasing her. Tris's hands are now on my head, pulling my hair which is a bit longer than when we used to be in the Dauntless compound.

"Oh…yes..Tobias…" she moans, and straddles her hips with mine, and it's then when I can really notice how much I desire her, how much this is affecting me. I straddle harder and faster.

"You're so hard," she says. Of course, she can feel that… "I like that, I like feeling you," she says, "I've always liked that… but it must be uncomfortable for you."

Her words really stunned me. Although she said, the first time we did something like this, back in the train (God, it feels like ages ago now) that she liked feeling the effect she had on me, I always thought this made her particularly nervous. But she's not. I stop kissing her breast, but before I leave it I swallow hard, just over her nipple, making sure I'll leave a mark there. Tris screams when I do that, and I'm afraid I've hurt her. But then, when she presses our bodies, I know that she screamed in pleasure, not pain. Her moans and scream were so high that for a millisecond I'm afraid someone could have heard us, but that thought quickly leaves my mind. To be honest, even Jeanine could enter here right now, pointing a gun at my head and I think I wouldn't stop doing this.

"Yes, it does. It hurts, but I don't care," I answer her long forgotten question. It's true, I don't care. It feels as if my entire body is burning and all the fire is concentrating in one part of my body, and I love this feeling. Then, I turn to her other breast and smile at it. _Oh, well, hello. I left your twin red and hard…_

I start kissing it, Tris starts moaning again, but this time her hands travel all trough my back until they reach my butt, squeezing it, like I had done earlier today with hers. Then, one of her hands is on my crotch, gripping the bulge on my pants. I have to suppress a moan, which I do by biting her nipple, and it's her who moans. Tris undoes my belt and unzips my jeans, my erection thanking the liberation-and I sigh in relief.

She laughs, and I can't help but notice that it's a bit more like her usual one-the confusing cheerful tone is there, but not as strange as it had been before.

"You needed that, I think," she says. I just nod over her breast, and then start kissing her stomach, going further and further, until I reach her jeans' waistband. I take my time, playing with the buttons and slowly unzipping them, giving her time to back off.

But she doesn't. And I am so glad.

A part of me, the rational one, tells me to stop, tells me that she's not ready, that she'll be embarrassed, angry with me later. But all I care about right now is how I'm making her moan my name, scream in pleasure and lust, her skin against mine. All I can sense is her petite figure full of need.

I take off her jeans, only leaving her underwear on, and my eyes are immediately directed to her crotch. My face is really near her center, and the smell is intoxicating, a mixture of sweet, Tris, and something I can't describe. I want to taste it, see if It's as good as I think, but I don't want to scare her. I lift up my eyes and when I look into her face, it's no longer contorted in funny and groggy expressions by the serum, but back to the Tris I know. Her eyes show fear, embarrassment, and shyness, but also lust and love. I don't ask if she's okay, her eyes tell me everything. I know that my Tris, serumless Tris, is back, and I can feel her fear eating her up.

But I can also _eat her up_.

My eyes travel all through her body, admiring her, almost as the first time. I don't know how long I do it, until she speaks

"Stop," she says, almost a whisper and she tries to cover her chest with the tiny hands. I know a true gentleman, a kind man, would stop immediately. But I'm not kind, and she knows that.

"No," I say, and take her hands away from her chest, "I love how you look Tris. You're so beautiful, so unique. You don't see it, but I do," I trap her body between my legs and arms, and gently I rub the tip of my erection against her mound. She moans, I moan, but her answer is different from her body language.

"I'm afraid," she says, "I can't, Tobias. I can't. My body wants this, believe me; but my brain says something else." I can almost sense her internal battle.

"We won't have sex, Tris. I wouldn't push you to that. Just let me give you…pleasure. Let me show you how much I love you, how much I desire you." I start kissing her stomach again. She moans, "Just give your body what it wants, let it start convincing your brain that this is right." Suddenly, without even giving her time to think, I take off her underwear and put a finger inside her folds, rubbing circles on a button I find inside there. Her womanhood is covered by a bit of blonde hair, and I like it. It makes her look womanly.

"Oh my God!" she moans, and I smile. I've never done this before, so literally I have no idea what I'm doing. Then, I start pumping one finger in and out, while still rubbing circles with my thumb. When I do it, Tris almost jumps off the bed. I stop for just a second. Like I said, I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm just trying to go with the flow but…

"Is it good? Does it hurt?" _I just don't want to hurt her… _

"Don't stop!" she commands, and I smile at her urgency. Her wish is my command, so I go back to pleasuring her, adding one more finger. When she moans, and loud, I know I have to stop her noises or the entire Amity compound would appear at the door. Who would say Tris Prior could be so loud? I stop them by kissing her.

"I love you," I say in her ear. She nods frantically, hugging my neck, unable to answer me. Then, I start again, kissing my way down, until I reach just over where my fingers are working. A wave of her smell hits me, and that urgency of kissing her there appears again. That gives me an idea. I stop what I'm doing, kneeling on the bed and she looks at me, a questioning look on her face.

"What…" she starts, but stops when I grab her by her waist, pulling her so that she's now across the bed, her waist just on the edge of bed. Then, I kneel in front of the bed, just in front of her, and then I kiss her inside her folds, letting my tongue enter and play with her center.

"Ohmygod!" she screams and squeezes beneath me, her hands in my hair, "Oh Tobias…god… yes…" Tris can't stop mumbling things, and I can't stop licking and drinking her. The smell was amazing, and so was her taste. It tastes bittersweet and salty at the same time, like nothing I've ever tasted before. And I love it.

Her legs are wrapped around my back, her hands in my hair, and suddenly she straightens, almost sitting on bed. I look up at her. Her body is dancing, almost as if she was listening a slow song, but her eyes are locked on mine, and I realize that the music she's following is my movements on her, my tongue playing with her wet womanhood. It intimidates me that she's looking at me, but I know how great it can feel to watch the person pleasuring you, this absolutely intimate moment, because I had done the same when she did this to me. When I find her clitoris again, I feel tempted to bite it, just slowly, to see if she likes it. For just a second, I hold it on the tip of my tongue, and don't take my eyes from Tris. Slowly, she nods slightly, so slightly you could think that you imagined it. But I know I didn't, and I allow a bit, just a tiny bit of pressure with my teeth on it. Her response is immediate: she bends, closes her eyes and screams my name, her hands on my hair more persistent. For just a second I stop licking her.

"Oh god," she repeats for like the millionth time today, digging her nails in my back. Oh, there they are, her nails… I like it so much when she does that.

"No, no god. Just me," I mock her. She laughs slightly.

"Yes, you." I don't give her time to reason; I go back to what I was doing, licking and kissing faster now that I've realized what she likes and where.

"could… you… do that…again?" she says between breathless moans. I know what she means, and I bite, slightly again, her clit. And, again, she bends and pulls my hair.

"Oh, Tobias, you don't know how this feels…" oh, but I do… I think to myself. She's still sitting on the bed, watching me do this, and I know she needs more. If I want her to end and drown in pleasure like she made me, she needs more, like I had needed more. So, slowly, I put one finger inside her, never taking my mouth off of her. She curses more and louder, bending more until I can feel her breast on the top my head. I put a second finger inside, and now she plops on the bed again, dancing with her body at the same rhythm my fingers and tongue work on her. Tris can't seem to stop screaming and moaning and I think I'll just finish there without even being touch, aroused by her moans, screams, and body reactions. It doesn't take her long to start moaning faster, her breathing becoming impossibly fast, and her hands more insistent in my hair. I know she's close, and although I want nothing more than to increase my speed and make her come, I slow down. I want her first orgasm (or I think it is, at least given by a guy) last longer.

"Tobias…please" she begs, "faster, deeper," she struggles to say. I don't make her beg any longer.

"Tobias…Tobias…oh god, yes…yes...TOBIAS!" I want her to say my name forever, I want to hear her say my name that way forever, full of lust and love and need. I want this moment to last forever. She comes in my mouth, her nails deep into my back. I swallow the liquid that is coming out of her, the taste is strong, and although it's a bit more viscous, I like it. So, so, so much. When I finish, I look up to see Tris' hand over her collarbone, the other one in her hair and desperately trying to catch her breath again. I smile at her, and when she sees me, she smiles back. Tris props up on the bed, her legs now no longer on my back, but at the bed's sides, although I'm still between her thighs. I kiss her mould, without breaking our eye-contact, and I can see her smile and shake her head. Then, I kneel on the floor.

"The serum went off?" I ask, although I know the answer. She nods.

"I suppose somewhere between our foreplay." _Foreplay_? I think she notices what she said, because her face is suddenly like a tomato, "Um… I mean...um…" I laugh slightly.

"I know what you mean" I say," Was this… I mean… was this your first orgasm?"_please say yes please say yes_. She looks at me, embarrassed and then mumbles "Yes, of course." That's all it takes me to smile like an idiot again. I gave her her first orgasm. I imagine the sensations I'm feeling right now are something between happiness, pride, and satisfaction…I have been the first one to make her feel this way…and I'm going to be the only one, I'll make sure of that.

Suddenly, she must realize how bare she is, because she starts trying to cover herself, but I stop her.

"Don't. You don't know, can't even imagine, how much I love seeing you. I love you, and I love your body Tris, and I love it more than anything that I'll be the only one seeing you like this."

"I'm not pretty," she says.

"No, you're right, you aren't," I say. Her eyes look down. "You're breathtaking, you are beaming. You make me feel things I could have never felt before looking at anybody else. Pretty is for normal people, you are a goddess. My own personal goddess.

I don't know if she lets her arms fall because she's shocked or because she believes me, and to be sincere, even I am surprised by saying that. I believe it, but I never thought I'd say it.

Slowly, I crawl back on the bed, sitting next to her, and start looking at her body, all of it, from her blond, long hair, her gray-blue eyes, which are locked on me, her collarbone with those beautiful ravens, her breasts and her stomach. When I look back at her eyes, I notice she has also wasted no time and she's looking at me, as if trying to memorize my body. Tris raises her hand and puts it on my chest, touching my pectorals, my stomach. In her eyes, I almost can't see gray and blue any longer, the black pupils absolutely big. Her hand presses me, so that I'm on my back, and she straddles me, her legs on each side of me. Then she starts kissing me until she reaches my jean's waistband. When she grabs my boxers I know what she's about to do, and stop her.

"Don't. I'm too close." It's true. All the foreplay we've been doing, seeing Tris so turned on and now having her with her mouth and her warm breath over my crotch is too overwhelming.

"Good, then try to enjoy it while it lasts," she says and next thing I can feel is her hands quickly taking down my underwear and jeans, all at the same time, and then, suddenly, her mouth taking my cock in_. How the hell can her mouth be so hot?_

As I told her, I don't last long. I can't even think straight, but even like that I know when I'm about to come.

"Tris…"I try to warn her. I know that last time she didn't care, but I have to warn her either way. Tris just applies more pressure, and I don't even last two more seconds.

I stay like that for some time, my eyes closed and my heartbeat too fast. Tris is now at my side, hugging me, half of her bare chest pressed against mine, and her face on the left side, just over my heart. She kisses that spot.

"I love you," I say, stroking her beautiful blonde hair, "You know that, don't you? I love you so, so much."

"I know," she answers. My arms close around her small frame, pulling her even closer to my body. We're so tangled that it's even difficult to say which limb is from each one of us. I hate bones, I hate flesh. I want our bodies to melt and just be one. When I look at the watch on my wrist I see it's around two in the afternoon. We've been here, doing this, for almost three hours.

In some time, we'll have to go back, face her parents, face everyone. In a few days we'll have to face a battle, go back to the city. In a few seconds, even, I may have to face her fear of intimacy, if it shows up. But, for now, we're in peace. Love and lust are washing over us, words are not needed, and we don't say anything else, just enjoy each other for how long we have.

* * *

**Soo? How was it? Did you like it? By the way, something important: follower dark Alana told me in a review about Marcus coming from erudite. I want to make clear that I do not pretend to change anything from the world before Divergent. The only thing that I changed was Tobias age, and I will mix up some of the physical description (for example, I know Caleb should have dark hair and green eyes, but I will describe him with blonde hair, as Ansel Algort, because really I can't imagine him with dark hair). So, saying Marcus was Candor was my mistake. I couldn't really remember where was he from and, as he was so good detecting when someone was lying and he was friend with Johanna for such a long time, and as I had read that he was from Candor in some fics, I thought that too. Dark Alana corrected me, I checked it out and it results he was Erudite, and so if I ever have to mention it again, I'll say he was Erudite. **

**Sorry! And please leave reviews, reviews, reviews, reviews!**

**Muchas Gracias!**

**Vanesa.**


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